Book Description
People who are single are changing the face of America. Did you know that:
* More than 40 percent of the nation’s adults---over 87 million people---are divorced, widowed, or have always been single.
* There are more households comprised of single people living alone than of married parents and their children.
* Americans now spend more of their adult years single than married.
Many of today’s single people have engaging jobs, homes that they own, and a network of friends. This is not the 1950s---singles can have sex without marrying, and they can raise smart, successful, and happy children. It should be a great time to be single. Yet too often single people are still asked to defend their single status by an onslaught of judgmental peers and fretful relatives.
Prominent people in politics, the popular press, and the intelligentsia have all taken turns peddling myths about marriage and singlehood. Marry, they promise, and you will live a long, happy, and healthy life, and you will never be lonely again.
Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom---and shows that just about everything you’ve heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism. Single people really are living happily ever after.
Filled with bracing bursts of truth and dazzling dashes of humor, Singled Out is a spirited and provocative read for the single, the married, and everyone in between.
You will never think about singlehood or marriage the same way again.
Singled Out debunks the Ten Myths of Singlehood, including:
Myth #1: The Wonder of Couples: Marrieds know best.
Myth #3: The Dark Aura of Singlehood: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
Myth #5: Attention, Single Women: Your work won’t love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don’t get any and you’re promiscuous.
Myth #6: Attention, Single Men: You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.
Myth #7: Attention, Single Parents: Your kids are doomed.
Myth #9: Poor Soul: You will grow old alone and you will die in a room by yourself where no one will find you for weeks.
Myth #10: Family Values: Let’s give all of the perks, benefits, gifts, and cash to couples and call it family values.
“With elegant analysis, wonderfully detailed examples, and clear and witty prose, DePaulo lays out the many, often subtle denigrations and discriminations faced by single adults in the U.S. She addresses, too, the resilience of single women and men in the face of such singlism. A must-read for all single adults, their friends and families, as well as social scientists and policy advocates.”
---E. Kay Trimberger, author of The New Single Woman
Customer Reviews:
ALLBOOKS REVIEWS.......2007-10-13
The hook lies on the front cover of the book jacket: "How singles are stereotyped, stigmatized, and ignored, and still live Happily Ever After". In Singled Out, Dr. DePaulo debunks the American "Matrimania" myths in a logical, scientific manner that's (thankfully) peppered with plenty of anecdotal humor and written in a loose, non-academic style that makes for an easy, enjoyable read.
DePaulo starts out by showing us how prejudice against singles has played out in history and then goes on to debunk the claims of Waite & Galligher, scientifically demonstrating how their erroneous claims that married folks are happier, healthier, live longer, and even have more frequent and more enjoyable sex were founded on biases studies and statistics. She discusses the fact that society equates marriage with validation. And how about the perks and benefits of most government entitlements, such as Social Security? Or running for political office? Up for a promotion? . . . Well, your chances are certainly better if you're married. DePaulo humorously shows how TV shows, magazines, and even talk shows tout the Holy Grail of Marriage--with the wedding ceremony as the ultimate climax in life. She uses the acronym BLAME to describe society's view of singles: Bitter, Loveless, Alone, Miserable, and Envious. Whoa! Does that spark a vision of the ol' "Lonely Hearts Club" or what? Seems the gist of the media message is that single equals lonely. Singles are portrayed as immature and self-centered. Self-centered, asks DePaulo? How about the debauchery of weddings? How self-centered is that?
In her bio, Dr. DePaulo, a social psychologist who did her graduate work at Harvard, is single and Living Happily Ever After in California--certainly qualified to write Single Out. She invites you to visit her website at www.belladepaulo.com In the final analysis, I'd say this book is a "must read" if you're single and you've been made to feel bad about it by society. And even if you're not, it's a terrific, informative, and even entertaining book. I'll give you one word to prove that Dr. DePaulo is right on? . . . Oprah.
Recommended by reviewer: Jan Evan Whitford, Allbooks Reviews
A great consciousness-raiser.......2007-10-05
I just finished this book (which I had checked out from the library) and plan to purchase a copy for re-reading. Recently and very unexpectedly divorced after nearly 30 years of marriage, this book came into my life at the perfect time. I (embarrassingly) recognized myself within the pages as one of those who had unknowingly had the cultural advantages and self-satisfied attitudes of couplehood/marriage.
This book has taken me to a new level of awareness and understanding of society's subtle (and not so subtle) messages about people who are single by choice or by circumstance. Ms. DePaulo's writing is clear, insightful, and humorous. (I found her humor in turns wry, sly, and playful, not at all sarcastic or bitter.) She is right-on in her analysis of cultural views of both singlehood and coupledom.
Aided by the perspective of this book, I am no longer simply accepting life as a single, but looking forward to creating a future as rich, fulfilling, and compassionate as possible. I now view my unexpected singlehood as a blessing that allows me to direct my love and energies into new avenues, including deepening my friendships and providing community service. This book has dramatically redirected my outlook.
Somewhat disappointing.......2007-08-01
A friend sent me DePaulo's chapter headings and they are hilarious! I looked forward to reading her book as an interesting exploration of the devaluation of singlehood. The book's concept is thought provoking. The writing, however, is sarcastic (to the detriment of DePaulo's message), at times embittered, and sometimes tedious (e.g., she'll describe at length another writer's work and then pick it apart bit by bit; she could have instead made her point more clearly and persuasively if she wasn't just reacting to other material). All in all, I was disappointed.
"Don't worry, honey, your turn to divorce will come....".......2007-06-23
DePaulo's book is brilliant, but it made me so angry. Angry at how many couples (from here on, "marrieds") stereotype, stigmatize, and ignore singles, of course! I already knew that marrieds feel sorry for singles because they're "incomplete," "lonely," and "unfulfilled." But not everyone wants the same thing, not everyone wants the conventional, predictable married life. I enjoy solitute tremendously, and marriage has never been my life goal. I'd rather focus on my career, which is more fulfilling than any relationship I've had. I also enjoy traveling on the weekends whenever I want, spending my money how I want, hanging out with single friends (fortunately I still have several of them). Most marrieds don't plan a weekend to go visit a good college friend (well, maybe they will if it's a couple and not merely a single person) and spend money "selfishly" on food, entertainment, and going to take photographs of old nuclear power plants or other unique trips. Does this mean I'm not grown up? no! It means I know what I like to do, so I do it. It's that simple. I feel like I have to put so much energy into defending my contented state, while marrieds are assumed to be content (although I know that isn't always the case, especially since marriage ends in divorce half the time).
I am almost 26 so it's still "acceptable" for me to be single, but people still ask why I don't have a boyfriend. "Don't you want to get married one day?" "Are you dating anyone?" "Don't you want to have children?" "You're attractive, why aren't you with anyone?" (there must be something wrong with you!) I used to feel inferior when asked those kinds of questions, especially in college when people were frantically getting engaged, much like a Baskin Robbins gets raided on the day they sell ice cream for 31 cents per scoop. Better get some before it runs out, ya know. But gradually, I became confident in my singleness by my junior year. This book really reinforced my feelings and it was as if DePaulo was reading my mind for most of it. Especially the chapter about why anybody should CARE if we're single of not? Get a life, marrieds..perhaps you should worry about decreasing your divorce rate instead.
I also liked the part criticizing how society gives a hard time to singles who still live with their parents. I still live with mine but am not "mooching" off them. I pay rent, my car payments, my car insurance, my phone bill, my college loans, and other expenses. I am saving up for my own condo (not because it screams "Single person!" but because it's the only thing I can afford in my area). I have a good relationship with my parents and I give a lot back to the economy, much like the Japanese women. I know that I go out and have a social life more than a lot of marrieds I know. And I'm not going out just to look for a husband either, grrrrr!
I have a good male friend in his late 30s. Some people have asked me if he's ever been married. When I answer No, one of them remarked, "There must be something wrong with him." Actually, there isn't. He just doesn't believe that marriage would improve his life. It's overrated and not a "fix-all" solution. He likes being single! He's happy being single. Is that so difficult to understand? Apparently, it is.
Sure, sometimes I think it would be nice to be married, to have that one person who is supposed to be your best friend, lover, etc. But I'm not going to go around actively looking for it because it's not worth it. If it happens, it happens, but I know I wouldn't mind being single for the rest of my life. I don't need another person to make me feel complete. I'm not going to waste time obsessively searching for the right person (dating is much more of a waste than being contentedly single). Ooh, I must be bitter with this attitude! Sometimes I am, but usually I just think, why try to change my life when I love how it is right now? And marriage could also make my life much worse - you never know if it will work out or not, and you could end up devastated by infidelity, abuse, etc (also true in serious unmarried relationships, i know, but people generally have higher expectations of a fairytale perfect marriage, especially with all that commitment). I know a few married men at work who are cheating on their spouses. Obviously, not all marrieds even respect marriage. How then, can this type of person look down on singles as inferior?
I was especially disgusted with Chris Matthews' treatment of Nader. How dare he imply that because Nader did not consume as much as the marrieds (such as no house, no car), that he was less of a person, less responsible? He is really a thousand more times responsible than Newt Gingrich or Bill Clinton, who have made a mess of their marital relationships. Nader is responsible enough to never embarrass a wife (or any other woman, for that matter) on international television. HE never made a mockery of the all-important marriage as others have done. And he is environmentally responsible for not owning a car because, wow!, he doesn't need one, which makes perfect sense (although not to Matthews). Singles rarely get credit for their accomplishments. I admire him and politicians like Condi Rice all the more because of their singleness.
How are people more "grown up" just because they're married? Nineteen year olds get married and are no more grown up than 19 year old singles. In fact, I argue that 19 years old marrieds are much more stupid and insecure than singles their age.
Have to mention one more thing. Once I was invited on a weekend trip where I would be set up with some guy. But I immediately turned it down because I was buying my new car that weekend. An organizer of the trip then asked me, "Which would you rather have, a new boyfriend or a new car?"
"A new car." Of course. I needed a car, but I didn't need a boyfriend...and still don't.
Singe Edition.......2007-06-13
I had been anticipating the arrival of Bella DePaulo's book for months and read it within a day upon receiving it. Ms. Depaulo could not have said it better when she indicates that not all singles are desperately waiting to be rescued by a mate. In fact many are completely satisfied in their solo state while those who are married may not necessarily be fulfilled. Increasingly individuals are choosing to remain single and Ms. Depaulo helps shatter the stereotypical portrait that has been painted. Bookstores today are replete with kitschy chic lit tales, dating propaganda or stories that glorify mommies but Singled Out is a power piece that raises the individual to the positive and realistic rank they merit. I am thankful for the contribution Ms. Depaulo has made and applaud the sincere and courageous stance she has made in putting forth her writings.
Sherri Langburt
Book Description
The
Second Edition of this best selling book provides a comprehensive examination of the role that gender plays in work environments. This book differs from others by comparing women’s and men’s work status, addressing contemporary issues within a historical perspective, incorporating comparative material from other countries, recognizing differences in the experiences of women and men from different racial and ethnic backgrounds. Relying on both qualitative and quantitative data, the authors seek to link social scientific ideas about workers’ lives, sex inequality, and gender to the real-world workplace. This new edition contains updated statistics, timely cartoons, and presents new scholarship in the field. It also provides a renewed focus on reasons for variability in inequality across workplaces. In sum, the second edition of
Women and Men at Work presents a contemporary perspective to the field, with relevant comparative and historical insights that will draw readers in and connect them to the wider concern of making sense of our dramatically changing world.
Book Description
As China has evolved into an industrial powerhouse over the past two decades, a new class of workers has developed: the dagongmei, or working girls. The dagongmei are women in their late teens and early twenties who move from rural areas to urban centers to work in factories. Because of state laws dictating that those born in the countryside cannot permanently leave their villages, and familial pressure for young women to marry by their late twenties, the dagongmei are transient labor. They undertake physically exhausting work in urban factories for an average of four or five years before returning home. The young women are not coerced to work in the factories; they know about the twelve-hour shifts and the hardships of industrial labor. Yet they are still eager to leave home. Made in China is a compelling look at the lives of these women, workers caught between the competing demands of global capitalism, the socialist state, and the patriarchal family.
Pun Ngai conducted ethnographic work at an electronics factory in southern China’s Guangdong province, in the Shenzhen special economic zone where foreign-owned factories are proliferating. For eight months she slept in the employee dormitories and worked on the shop floor alongside the women whose lives she chronicles. Pun illuminates the workers’ perspectives and experiences, describing the lure of consumer desire and especially the minutiae of factory life. She looks at acts of resistance and transgression in the workplace, positing that the chronic painsâsuch as backaches and headachesâthat many of the women experience are as indicative of resistance to oppressive working conditions as they are of defeat. Pun suggests that a silent social revolution is underway in China and that these young migrant workers are its agents.
Customer Reviews:
Treat workers as human beings for better results.......2006-10-30
Anyone working on CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility), with NGOs, or otherwise on development issues in China and most developing countries should read this book. I only wish Pung Nai had a shorter version where she cut out all the intellectual references to supposed `great thinkers' of the past century and actually kept it to its GEMS, which are her own insights into the true life realities for women factory workers.
This book came from Pung Nais PhD as she tells us. This is unfortunate as it makes what is otherwise fantastic material hard to read and slow. But the well written sections tell us stories of individual workers odysseys to Shenzhen from far away provinces, and explain social issues in China, and factory language providing insights few other writers have provided.
To those working on improving factory conditions, there are a lot of great tips here about what Not to do. Pung Nai talks about worker slowdowns due to frustration at dogmatic authoritarian pressure to work faster, or have music turned off, etc, and of workers being less efficient and regularly fainting from working excessive overtime. Reading this book gives those of us working to encourage factory managers to give their workers more reasonable hours and wages, more force in our argument that doing so will improve productivity and quality.
Regardless, Pung Nai points out the terrible toll on peoples lives of excessive overtime, particularly the physical and psychological impacts on young women, who are not only burdened by the work pressure, but also familial pressures back home to marry and have sons. It helps us understand the value of programmes such as Nikes high school graduation programme for factory workers in Asia, to give workers a chance to gain self respect and pride in an environment in which the very essence of who they are, country girls, is looked down upon.
Marxist retoric in disguise.......2006-06-16
By in large, to explain this book, "Made in China" by Pun Ngai, I have to look first at several different issues: the politics behind it, the assumptions they draw upon, and the things she leaves out. First off let me go into the politics behind this book. The more and more I read this book, the more and more I hate it. I'm sorry for saying that--well, not really. Maybe Pun Ngai has good intentions by pointing out only the negatives in every instance, but I couldn't help but be reminded of some transient theme behind all of her pessimisms. If I didn't know any better, which I obviously don't, I would say that Pun Ngai was defaming China not for being against the US and world cohesion, but for being for it. By that, I mean, that this book is extremely Marxist, anti capitalist, and anti US--to stand behind this book, while still maintaining any sense of American patriotism or pride is contradictory. This response may seem to be merely a defensive stance in terms of capitalism versus Marxist communism, but I'd like to think that it's more than that. The type of thought from this book isn't rare in China, Pun Ngai is only a part of a widely criticizing faction growing within China that likes to point out all the negatives of globalization, free trade, or neo-liberalism by pointing out the exploits and the harsh conditions being subjugated upon the workers, while disregarding any and all positive benefits they receive personally as well as any benefits towards the government as a whole. In this way, it is kind of like focusing in on only one part of a government's policies, focusing in on only one company still undergoing reform in the face of a more global privatized free trade open market economy, focusing in on only the lower echeloned workers most of whom are uneducated towards global perspectives, and focusing in on only the negative aspects of their lives. It is in this way that Pun Ngai was able to write such a completely negatively slanted defamation to all logical and true global debate. When the benefits of a society's system out weigh the negatives, in order to make a Marxist argument for conflict, one has to actually dig down to the bottom of the barrel and scrape the conflicts out with a spoon. The term "spoon" I am using is a metaphor for the subtle way Pun Ngai is trying to prove her points. It was written to incite outrage and to depict a sense of rebellion or resistance, which may or may not have actually been there, just to further her own party or social group's political ideologies. However, though, in the face of actual research and more information, for lack of a better way of putting this, Pun Ngai is just digging up dirt. This book was not written to discuss whether globalization is ultimately more or less beneficial to society, it was written to persuade people in how globalization is only negative.
Customer Reviews:
a femenist perspective, but superlative work.......2006-03-19
The problem with sociology of gender is that the work seems to be dominated by a femenist perspective, instead of a value nuetral perspective. However, the field of gender sociology has been covered more assiduously (and thus remains more valid and relevant)then many other fields of sociology.
Otherwise, this is a fantastic book. The authors Dubeck and Dunn use a vast amount of resources to create a highly valid book that adresses gender and race inequality (from a female perspective). The first edition is really not too much different from the 2nd, but the articles are on different pages. The purpose of this second edition (like most updates) is to get more money from college students.
Book Description
"Nonheterosexuals face an enormous amount of hostility and discrimination from many heterosexuals in the workplace and in society as a whole. This excellent book educates the reader about how individuals' sexual orientation may affect both how well they are accepted by their coworkers, and how they react to coworkers. It is useful in courses or training programs on diversity in general or on this particular topic. It also may be used by individuals outside of courses who simply want to learn more about sexual orientation as a workplace issue and about themselves. Amy J. Zuckerman and George F. Simons's book is definitely the best book on the topic." --Gary N. Powell, Department of Management, University of Connecticut Sexual orientation is one of the most controversial and difficult issues to deal with in the workplace today. Sexual Orientation in the Workplace is a dynamic workbook that provides an efficient guide to assist organizations in making the workplace a positive environment for workers of all sexual orientations. This volume contains a variety of simple tools and exercises that will effectively equip the reader with the necessary skills for working realistically and effectively with diverse colleagues. While looking at who makes up today's workforce with regard to sexual orientation, the authors examine facts about lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and heterosexuals, and discuss how leaders, groups, and organizations can encourage everyone to do their part to create a positive climate with policies that support everyone.
Book Description
"The ethnography of Japan is currently being reshaped by a new generation of Japanologists, and the present work certainly deserves a place in this body of literature. . . . The combination of utility with beauty makes Kondo's book required reading, for those with an interest not only in Japan but also in reflexive anthropology, women's studies, field methods, the anthropology of work, social psychology, Asian Americans, and even modern literature."—Paul H. Noguchi, American Anthropologist
"Kondo's work is significant because she goes beyond disharmony, insisting on complexity. Kondo shows that inequalities are not simply oppressive-they are meaningful ways to establish identities."—Nancy Rosenberger, Journal of Asian Studies
Customer Reviews:
A poorly written piece, lax in style and weak in intellectual rigor.......2006-05-01
Dorinne Kondo applies loose academic standards to her writing. She is unabashed about it: hers is "a strategy that expands notions of what can count as theory", and her "emphasis on complexity, power, contradiction, discursive production, and ambiguity is invoked in part to demonstrate complexity and irony in the lives of the people I knew, in order to complicate and dismantle the ready stereotypes that erase complexity in favor of simple, unitary images."
I will not tire the reader with more quotations; suffice to mention the apprentice anthropologist's record of people's "bewilderment at having to deal with this odd person who looked Japanese and therefore human, but who must be retarded, deranged, or--equally undesirable in Japanese eyes--Chinese or Korean." This may be her conception of irony and subtlety; to me, this sentence only reinforces stereotypes about the Japanese, who certainly do not all hold these views, as well as it is offensive to persons living with mental disabilities or to Korean and Chinese residents in Japan.
As she herself confesses, D. Kondo was one of those graduate students who constantly change their dissertation topic according to the last passing fad or research opportunity that happen to cross their way. She first attempted to study the relationship between kinship and economics in family-owned enterprises, in order to counter the view of the diligent and anonymous Organization Man associated with Japan, Inc. The focus of her research then shifted to the broader social and cultural context, and she attempted to write an ethnographic monograph of Arakawa, the popular ward of downtown Tokyo where she had settled to live and work. Working part time in various settings also tempted her to study labor relationships on the shop floor.
She then had her epiphany during a corporate ethics retreat organized by the confectionery factory in which she was working part time: plunging into icy baths, walking barefoot on jagged rocks and screaming expressions of filial piety in front of Mt. Fuji somehow made her realize that selves are artifacts "crafted within shifting fields of power and meaning." Exit her old research project, enter her new topic: "the Japanese concept of self." As her research advisor may have suggested to focus and problematize a bit more, she came out with a first-person narrative that adds layer upon layer of description with some theoretical developments.
While her references to Michel Foucault and Jacques Derrida give a postmodernist cachet to her ethnographic account, a firm theoretical backing didn't inform the design of her fieldwork or generate research hypotheses that she would have put to the test in a rigorous way. Her poststructuralist/feminist agenda seems to be placated as an afterthought, the result of a vernis de culture that she acquired while rubbing shoulders with Judith Butler, Joan Scott and other luminaries during the postdoc fellowship she spent at the Institute for Advanced Studies at Princeton, almost ten years after her fieldwork.
Her use of colloquial Japanese expressions, words uttered by "real people" as she says, will only add obscurity to the text for those who do not know the language, while it will prove only redundant and somewhat conceited to the readers who are conversant in Japanese. On the other hand, the paucity of Japanese sources in her bibliography shows that she wasn't able to progress much beyond that colloquial level. This bars her from confronting her hypotheses to results attained by Japanese social scientists, with the exception of well-known sources available in English, such as Chie Nakane and Takeo Doi, that the author reproduces uncritically. Although I cannot pinpoint any act of plagiarism, her indiscriminate use of these and other well-known sources left me with a sense of deja lu all over again.
Crafting Selves is advertised on its back cover as a "textually experimental book." To me, it is only a poorly written piece, lax in style and weak in intellectual rigor.
Kondo is fascinating.......2002-10-26
If you see the world in black & white, then this book probably is not for you. If, however, you are interested in challenging any preconceived notions you may have about Japan, for example, this book is an important contribution. Not a waste of paper!
A big yawn.......2002-02-25
If you are into ethnographies where lots of words have ominous quotation marks around them, then this book is for you. If you find post-modernism a whole lot of nonsense perpetuated by people who see Al Gore as a deep thinker, then you may just pick up a used copy of Let's Go Japan or Lonely Planet-- more readable and useful that this "ethnography". All those poor dead trees which died for this book...Shame!
A Successful Postmodern Ethnography.......2001-04-30
Kondo's work is a much needed example of "how" to do postmodern ethnography. There have been many theorizations about alternative ethnographies, but few good deliveries. Kondo's narrative ethnography about power and its cultural effectivity at the level of everyday life delivers. In fact, her informative and creative work was never far from my on writing table during my ethnographic research which resulted in the recent release of my ethnographic monograph, Native Americans in the Carolina Borderlands: A Critical Ethnography. Kondo's work is essential reading for anyone attempting to do ethnography about the complexities of cultural and personal identity formation and their hegemonic articulation in everyday practices. In short, Kondo takes the complicated and, oft-times, abstract theoretical renderings of poststructuralism/postmodernism and points to a way in which they can be enlivened through thick descriptions of everyday lives and situations. One of the finer and insightful aspects of her work is found in her tact of avoiding simplistic theoretical categorizing through the ethnographic utilization of irony and the notion of unintended consequences. A must have for those interested in feminist studies, Japanese culture and society, Cultural Studies, Postmodernism/Poststructuralism, and critical and alternative forms of ethnography.
Excellent ethnography of work.......2000-07-06
This is a complex and intelligent cultural ethnography of the many-layered, multi-tensioned ideas of self and identity among female Japanese factory workers. It is a "thick description," heavy on pondering the minutiae, and with little in the way of broad cross-cultural comparisons; this is neither good nor bad, just Kondo's style. The detailed nuances she brings out are wonderful; it is rare to see such careful attention to detail in a study of the workplace. However, readers rooted in traditional "rational management" traditions may want to look elsewhere, as this volume takes its inspiration from anthropology and lit-crit, not business and economics.
Average customer rating:
- Try working in a school system, Dr. Gray
- Different Planets?
- Of COURSE we're different!!
- Another outstanding mars venus book
- Workplace is right on!
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Mars and Venus in the Workplace: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting Results at Work
John Gray
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Release Date: 2001-12-24 |
Amazon.com
Effective communication is a crucial life skill, and John Gray's Mars and Venus series has helped millions peacefully sort out emotional issues in their personal relationships. Now he turns his attention to the professional side of life with Mars and Venus in the Workplace. The concepts remain the same, but are in an entirely new setting; as he says in the introduction, "although gender differences are often not as obvious in the workplace, they are there and are often misunderstood."
Gray proceeds to cover a variety of situations typical on the job, from solving revenue problems to negotiating a raise. With his important points printed in bold type, and plenty of prioritizing lists and straightforward examples, this is an easy read that allows you to focus on finding the solutions you seek, rather than wading through research terminology.
If you are new to Gray's work, the continual gender-based assumptions may feel outdated, but know the author understands that no one is all male or all female and that we all have areas of sensitivity. The recurring gender pronouns are a simple way of teaching us what years of private practice have shown him: humans of both gender can benefit greatly by listening effectively, being verbally straightforward, and analyzing the reactions of others. --Jill Lightner
Book Description
John Gray shows that by understanding the differences between men and women in the workplace, anyone can identify and respond to various business approaches in a manner that earns greater respect and promotes increased cooperation. By recognizing how men and women interpret behaviors and reactions differently, a person can make more informed choices of how to make the best impression.
Mars and Venus in the Workplace analyzes the differences in the ways men and women communicate, solve problems, react to stress, earn respect, promote themselves, experience emotional support, minimize conflict, score points, view sex, and ask for what they want. By showing the many ways men and women misunderstand and misinterpret each other in the workplace, John Gray offers practical advice on reducing unnecessary conflict and frustration. Filled with his trademark communications charts and practical advice on everyday office issues, Mars and Venus In The Workplace will enable readers to achieve their goals and to make the workplace a source of fulfillment.
Customer Reviews:
Try working in a school system, Dr. Gray.......2006-11-18
I would like to cordially invite Dr. John Gray to visit and work in the public school system, of which many campuses are run exclusively by women. These women can be very matter-of-fact, get-down-to-business and get-the-job-done. Those gals are there to work. Some of them try to bond emotionally and some do not. But they get their jobs done. They often have to do things they don't "feel" like doing, but they do it and they do it darned well.
I think the best cross-gender communication, whether at work or socially, can be as follows;
1. Listen as well as talk.
2. Respect the other person's views.
3. Don't try to make a psychological statement about another person's style, whether male or female.
4. Don't hog the limelight.
5. Respond with empathy.
6. Park your ego outside the door.
In other words, practice GOOD MANNERS!
It works every time.
Different Planets?.......2004-07-31
I think John Gray has brilliantly created the captivating concept of the coexisting male and female planets of behavior. Women are Venusians, and men are Martians. We all laugh and joke about it, but never truly understand. It was written in a way we can all relate. The book is not only informative, but entertaining. Sure, I enjoy research and stats but this was real life in action. When reading the scenarios you immediately recall a situation of which you have experienced and it's almost like problem solving along the way. These ideas are good for everyone.
Of course neither planet is right or wrong, a great combination is best. Since reading this book, I have developed more "Martian" characteristics, but I will never give up my collaborating "Venusian" style. I have mixed both styles and I think this has made me a better communicator in the workplace.
In the business world if you know each other's planet you are at an advantage. There can be so many misinterpretations if you don't understand the other planet. Knowing more about Mars has made me happier at home and more confident at work.
This book will help you understand the differences in men and women when it comes to problem solving. Women chat about it and men want to be alone. In the business world, it is important to think about. Unfortunately, some male managers can see chatting as a sign of weakness. This sounds really discriminating, but it can be true in certain situations, particularly at meetings. And when it comes time for reviews and appraisals women often don't credit themselves for ideas as a man would.
I have read many pop culture self-help books and this book really made me self evaluate my Venusian ways and I definitely need to develop more `Martian style' to balance out my sometimes too over powerful `Venusian style'. But as the book states-it's not about changing you, but just to better your understanding of how men and women behave and communicate. This book can completely improve your workplace relationships since you will have a different perspective.
Of COURSE we're different!!.......2002-04-08
The biggest thing missing from my MBA education was learning how to interact with other people. Business is nothing if we can't communicate effectively and regularly. This book explains in clear terms how men can understand women and communicate effectively. We men can't talk to women the way we do with other men. We are very different. By following Dr. Gray's guidelines, men can learn how to earn the trust and respect of female co-workers. We can learn easy ways to speak the woman's language and understand her perceptions. The most fascinating aspect is the description of women's emotions, what they mean, and positive responses men can use to increase productivity and create a pleasant workplace. Working in harmony is the only way to go.
I should think that this book can be especially helpful to women, as they are basically working in a world that has been designed and run by men. As Dr. Gray says, a woman's challenge in the workplace is greater than a man's. While the books and research of Gail Evans and Dr. Deborah Tannen and others have described gender differences, this book by Dr. Gray sheds light on many aspects of workplace problems and offers solutions that are easy, respectful, effective, and even fun.
Another outstanding mars venus book.......2002-03-15
Dr Gray has done it again...another outstanding book.His insights have assisted me with my male(martians)client.My practice is now brimming with males....because I now understand not to give unsolicited advice...but rather ask better questions.The tools and skills should be taught in schools.I wish I had of know the differences when I first started out in the workplace.Bravo Dr Gray...
It is truly amazing how little changes make such big differences.The quality of my relationships since using the mars venus principles has gone to levels I had never dreamed of!
As a single parent with two boys,I am grateful for all the knowledge and practical advice....It is wonderful to have such a close connection with them.
I would suggest everyone in the workplace read this.How wonderful to go back to basics,courtsey,shivilery.I could only image how much more pleasant,loving and caring the world would be if everyone adopted Grays work!
Keep up the much needed work! God bless him for trying to open peoples eyes and hearts!!!!
Workplace is right on!.......2002-03-14
I found myself underlining everything! In true J.G. fashion, he has described the human condition, and the way we interact.I thought it was brilliant, and very helpful in particular for understanding myself and the opposite sex in regards to problems solving and dealing with stress.
Book Description
Rocked by a flurry of high-profile sex discrimination lawsuits in the 1990s, Wall Street was supposed to have cleaned up its act. It hasn't. Selling Women Short is a powerful new indictment of how America's financial capital has swept enduring discriminatory practices under the rug.
Wall Street is supposed to be a citadel of pure economics, paying for performance and evaluating performance objectively. People with similar qualifications and performance should receive similar pay, regardless of gender. They don't. Comparing the experiences of men and women who began their careers on Wall Street in the late 1990s, Louise Roth finds not only that women earn an average of 29 percent less but also that they are shunted into less lucrative career paths, are not promoted, and are denied the best clients.
Selling Women Short reveals the subtle structural discrimination that occurs when the unconscious biases of managers, coworkers, and clients influence performance evaluations, work distribution, and pay. In their own words, Wall Street workers describe how factors such as the preference to associate with those of the same gender contribute to systematic inequality.
Revealing how the very systems that Wall Street established ostensibly to combat discrimination promote inequality, Selling Women Short closes with Roth's frank advice on how to tackle the problem, from introducing more tangible performance criteria to curbing gender-stereotypical client entertaining activities. Above all, firms could stop pretending that market forces lead to fair and unbiased outcomes. They don't.
Book Description
The American economy is in good shape: profits are soaring, employment is expanding, and technological advances abound. Yet inequality between genders and among races still exists. In Complex Inequality, Leslie McCall sifts through the complexities surrounding wage differences and economic restructuring to provide an important new understanding of the differences gender, race, and class make in inequality. McCall's vision of inequality will offer a new way to approach and address the complexities of inequality.
Book Description
Based on a groundbreaking two-year study of more than 300 gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender alumni from the University of Southern California, Lavender Road to Success is the first career guide written specifically for the gay community. Career planning expert Kirk Snyder reveals the truth about a wide variety of issues facing gay professionals, such as what it means to be gay in the workplace, why you will make more money when you are out of the closet at work, how defining your personal identity as a member of the gay community will help you achieve success, and how to find an employer that's your perfect match. Combining extensive research, effective exercises, and real-world case studies, Lavender Road to Success is a sensitive and practical guide to building a successful and enduring career.
Customer Reviews:
Kirk Snyder is a bright light in the GLBT business and career community..........2006-07-18
Kirk is a great colleague I'm fortunate to know. Lavender Road is a wonderful book. He dared to do this original study when very few had the courage to do so. The material is extremely helpful, no matter where you are in your career journey. You'll see yourself in these pages. His suggestions are sound and research-based, and, if followed, will help many increase their career satisfaction (and possibly their income too!).
Gay or straight with gay loved ones, you will gain much from reading this book! I would also encourage college career counselors and company leaders and managers to read this book to better understand what it's like for their GLBT colleagues, employees, managers, etc.
May be the best 15 dollars you'll ever spend.......2005-05-10
While gay men and lesbians have been "out" for awhile, some of us find that our careers are stalled and that in point of fact there may be a "pink ceiling" through which few of us are allowed to pass, like the rich men through the camel's eye in the Bible. Even graduation from a good school like USC might not be enough in and of itself to help you, particularly with a newly resurgent homophobia rampant throughout America. The Lavender Road to Success may have an embarrassing title, but the money you pay for this may be the best 15 dollars you'll ever spend. And of course with Amazon it's only $12.17 or whatever.
Kirk Snyder's done a lot of research. Is there anyone he hasn't talked to? The anecdotes and life experiences of others are sometimes tedious, like being forced to watch hours of other people's home movies of their vacations, but Snyder brings these stories to life, and we feel that we are not alone in our struggles for validation and also, of course, for more money and success in the marketplace. Do you remember the old movie "Gypsy," with Rosalind Russell playing Mama Rose, and how she kept herself and her girls going by moving from town to town always seeking our former lodge brothers of her late husband? She'd give the "secret handshake" and she'd be in like Flynn. Snyder's program involves this kind of "secret brotherhood" but in addition he presages a sort of gay meritocracy where each rises on his (or her) own merits and on what we have that's unique to us which we can bring to the table. Even if you have your own successful career you might still be interested in this book (you could always develop noblesse oblige and give it as a Christmas gift to your less-succesful exes over whom you're triumphing at the moment). As Snyder reminds us, we meet the same people going up as we did going down.
Amazing and Powerful.......2004-01-02
This book greatly exceeded my expectations. I expected to get a career book with the usual (albeit) useful information, and instead found myself unable to put it down. Kirk Snyder gets his message across by introducing the reader to amazing gays and lesbians who have experienced all kinds of good and bad things in their careers and then translates it into great career advice. Reading this book is like meeting new friends who teach you all kinds of powerful lessons--and not just about how to do well in your career but in life. Gays and straights alike should read this book. If more straight people read books like this there would be less homophobia in the world.
Lavender Road To Success: The Career Guide for the Gay Commu.......2003-09-20
Amazingly fascinating and helpful book! As a career professional, I would recommend this book for all college and university libraries and career centers across the country! Kirk Snyder's book is also very beneficial for those in the work force who need insight and encouragement to select a work environment that is supportive, and that fits with your interests and values. Mr. Snyder's research results, personal stories, and career exercises are motivating, helpful, and heartening. This is a landmark career book that everyone should read!
Finally, a quality career book for us!.......2003-09-13
Kirk Snyder's "Lavender Road to Success" is not just about success and money. Itýs about really getting honest with who you are as a gay person and believing that you are worth going after your dreams. Snyderýs ý7 Points of Successý is worth the price of the book alone. Finally, somebody "gets it" when it comes to being gay and creating your own career success.
A lot of career books just talk around issues, but this one cuts to the chase, in part due to the stories Snyder tells about other gay people all over the country. I didn't go to USC, but I felt like I knew all of these people so well and learned so much from them. I have never seen a compilation this complete and so well told. It's actually a page-turner which surprised me.
The exercises in the book seemed like they were written just for me, which after reading this book, I know that others have experienced so much of what I have went through in my own life. Reading the book gave me a plan of my own to move ahead and I also feel like I'm part of a greater whole.
Books:
- Successful Woman's Guide to Working Smart: 10 Strengths that Matter Most
- Technical Communication
- The Art of Innovation: Lessons in Creativity from IDEO, America's Leading Design Firm
- The Art of Innovation: Lessons in Creativity from IDEO, America's Leading Design Firm
- The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
- The Black Belt Memory Jogger: A Pocket Guide for Six Sigma Success
- The Carbon Buster's Home Energy Handbook: Slowing Climate Change And Saving Money
- The Creature from Jekyll Island: A Second Look at the Federal Reserve
- The Creature from Jekyll Island: A Second Look at the Federal Reserve
- The Distance Manager: A Hands On Guide to Managing Off-Site Employees and Virtual Teams
Books Index
Books Home
Recommended Books
- EVA and Value-Based Management: A Practical Guide to Implementation
- The March: A Novel
- How to Tell What Things Are Really Worth
- Novell's GroupWise 6.5 Administrator's Guide
- Project Financing and the International Financial Markets
- The Mayan Oracle: Return Path to the Stars
- The After-Hours Trader
- Coggins Auto Supply: Practice Set One to Accompany College Accounting Procedures, Chapters 1-26
- Networks In and Around Organizations
- Mushrooms and Other Fungi of North America
Living Alone and Loving It: A Guide to Relishing the Solo Life
Flying Solo
Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent
The Single Girl's Manifesta: Living in a Stupendously Superior Single State of Mind
The New Single Woman
