Amazon.com
We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman
Book Description
Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.
Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.
"Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times
"These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist
"Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters
"Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman
Download Description
"What is a difficult conversation? Asking for a raise. Ending a relationship. Saying ""no"" to your boss or spouse. Confronting disrespectful behavior. Apologizing. Conversations we dread, and often handle clumsily as a result, are part of all our lives: in boardrooms and family rooms, across the negotiation table and the dinner table. Now, Difficult Conversations teaches us how to handle these dialogues with more success and less anxiety. How does it work? Based on fifteen years of research and consultations with thousands of people, Difficult Conversations pinpoints what works. The authors discovered that regardless of context, the same small but crucial errors are what trip us up--and a few key adjustments can make all the difference. * The role of emotions--ours and theirs * The impact of what is said and what is not said * Why admitting our mistakes will put us in a stronger position * The truth behind the myth that women are better at expressing their emotions than men * How to respond productively in the face of personal attacks Who is this for? Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations is certain to be an instant and lasting classic for families, neighbors, bosses, employees, customers, tenants, landlords, psychologists, teachers, and more. Who are the authors? Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and at the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have consulted to countless businesspeople, governments, organizations, and communities including all parties to the negotiations on constitutional transition in South Africa; school teachers in Medellin, Colombia; and community leaders and the police department in Springfield, Massachusetts. They lecture throughout the world and have written on negotiation, conflict resolution, and communication. Bruce Patton is co-author of Getting to Yes."
Customer Reviews:
Insightful guide to conversations without confrontation .......2007-10-22
You will face difficult conversations throughout your life, but now you can learn how to cope with them. This book provides a framework and various strategies for achieving better outcomes from hard exchanges. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen use principles, illustrative stories and charts to teach you how to understand the components of challenging conversations, and how to prepare for them and transform them into something constructive. The language of the book is clear, insightful, concise and always helpful. You can use these principles in business, but the stories also concern relationships in your everyday life. We say everyone from teenagers to mature adults can use the communication skills discussed in this wise book.
Will you ever have a hard conversation? Sure, you will! Read this book first........2007-09-21
This little book can be a great help. We all have avoided conversations we knew were going to be difficult. Often not talking made things worse, so as things became intolerable we had the discussion and things got even worse. These authors break down the inner structure of difficult conversations and how we often mishandle them. They then show us the ways in which we can turn this into a constructive process that brings more understanding, greater cooperation, and learning that will help avoid repeating the difficulties in the future.
Certainly, I can't recap the whole book in this little review, but I especially like their concept of three conversations happening within each difficult conversation. They are the debate over what happened, the feelings conversation, and the identity issues. In the what happened conversation the problem is that each side assumes it knows the truth, that they know the other party's intentions, and that they know where and how to assign blame. Of course, all this is a fiction and a waste of time. It does nothing to fix the situation or improve the process to avoid the problem in the future. The book then shows you how to have a constructive approach to the same problem. Excellent stuff!
The authors are part of the Harvard Negotiation Project and has a foreword by one of the authors of the famous book, "Getting to Yes". The book is concise, but full of very good information. I recommend it very much.
Reviewed by Craig Matteson - Ann Arbor, MI
Difficult converations.......2007-09-17
this book is well worth the read,
it is easy to get throught, and does not repeat itself.
You want to read the whole book.
nancy carlson
great read.......2007-08-27
This book is used as a textbook at the Harvard MBA. Good tool for those messy conflicts
Best Book on Communication.......2007-08-24
This is the most useful and comprehensive compendium of effective, research validated, communication concepts I have ever seen in one book. Useful for anyone who speaks with other humans, especially significant others, business colleagues and teenagers. If you are a coach, this reading is required. Difficult ideas presented in a way that makes them easy to understand and easy to apply.
Book Description
A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries.
Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable—even dangerous—situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don’t know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We’re afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating.
In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.
• Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life
• Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships
• Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation
• Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation
• Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack
• Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and more
From the Book
Sometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula.
Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue.
Here’s an example.
Joe: “I can’t believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That’s pretty hypocritical.”
You: “I understand it’s hard for you to see, and I’m glad you meant it as a joke and weren’t trying to be hurtful. What I’m telling you, though, and what I don’t want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don’t want to be talked to like that.”
Customer Reviews:
Has nothing to do with real psychology.......2007-05-30
I am a psychologist, and am writing this review as a good-natured warning to consumers to be informed. Certain authors pretend to be spokespersons for psychology who are actually anything but, and who (in this case) seem to actually know very little about the study of psychology. Boundaries, a bestseller, has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever at all with sound clinical practice. It is nothing but Christian evangelism and apologetics. It references no studies, and has no research or evidence to back its claims. It is simply a book that tries to use the Bible and a narrow interpretation of Christianity to advance a certain religious viewpoint. It is silly fluff that might make someone of faith feel warm and fuzzy for awhile, but is not likely to instigate any important behavioral change or substantive and meaningful improvement. If this is what you are looking for, then more power to you. But beware, if you are actually looking for what REAL psychology (the science of clinical psychology) has to say about the importance of setting boundaries in your personal, familial, and professional life, as well as evidence-based suggestions on how best to do it, then it would be best to avoid this touchy-feely, religious propaganda. All you'll find here is nebulous vacuity, such as when the authors tell us that God respects our boundaries by not doing our work for us. Such passages least allowed me to enjoy this book as unintentional high comedy. This book is irresponsible nonsense all around.
Best "Boundaries" Follow-Up So Far!.......2006-08-18
Many people would think by now the authors had gotten all the mileage possible from the "Boundaries" theme. After writing a best-selling book by the same title and a number of follow-ups, surely there is nothing left to cover. Cloud and Townsend here however, hit another home run by providing precious insights on how to have difficult conversations with the people around us, confronting others with the truth in Christian love. I won't go into detail with all the many positive aspects of this title -- I just realize as a pastor who has dealt with difficult people situations for over 25 years, this book is a God-send. I wish I had read it years ago.
I've read all of the "Boundaries" titles that build upon the original, and this one is the best of them. If you haven't read "Boundaries", read it then read this book. If you have read "Boundaries" then this volume is the one to read next. Obviously, I recommend it highly.
I've been looking for this book all my life. .......2006-07-14
I've noticed that when I am around people I see often who seem to be unreasonable, aggressive, abusive, or selfish, I often withdraw emotionally. If confronting the person feels costly or risky, I sometimes stuff down my feelings or become confused about how to continue if I'm not sure the person is as committed to wanting a good relationship as I am.
I read Ch. 17 first (and that is the chapter this review is based upon) which describes the importance of confronting others and gives guidelines about when to confront and how, as well as how to think through the possible responses of the person and to be prepared for them. I filled up many pages of a notebook last night as I saw patterns in the ways I have responded in the past and choices I've made. I didn't grow up confident that I could resolve conflicts well with others who barked loudly. There usually seemed to be a winner and a loser, rather than two people who drew closer through the conflict. Since I didn't like often being the "loser" the kitchen sink was being thrown at when I broached a subject with a peer who was not "gentle, courteous, and reasonable like me", I tried to avoid conflict whenever it was sticky in some way; I only confronted others (and even myself) when there was no other alternative. As I read the chapter, I also had a more honest talk with G-d about an issue I've been putting off talking to Him about. :)It was a good talk. :)
I even saw some potential ways to caringly and helpfully confront militant Islamists! :) I am in the right place to greatly benefit from the counsel, coaching, and caring Scriptural confrontation the book models. I'm excited about getting some very valuable tools in my emotional and relational toolbox as I read and reflect on what I am learning and begin putting these new strategies into practice.
Speaking the truth in love.......2005-05-19
This book is a wonderful supplement to Boundaries! For those who are involved in learning how to set and live by boundaries, Boundaries Face to Face gives practical ways of handling inevitable challenges to your newly established boundaries. As always Drs. Cloud and Townsend explain their points from a Biblical perspective and they help their readers grow by challenging us to focus our attention upon the importance of the relationships we share with Christ and others. Since relationships are so vital to the Christian life, particularly in regards to spiritual growth, this book gives exemplary examples of how to mix grace with truth in our conservations so that we can speak the truth in love even in the midst of difficult conversations.
very practical and useful.......2004-06-25
This is a very useful, practical book on one of the most difficult areas of relationships: how to have open, productive, constructive conversations about relationship problems. The authors outline the benefits of a good confrontational conversation and then explain how to distinguish your real purpose for wanting to talk to someone, how to confront in a way that balances grace and truth, how to stay on-topic when discussing a hard issue with someone, and why and how to get ready in advance for difficult conversations. These down-to-earth practical skills, accompanied by many examples and case studies, are extremely helpful.
The last section of the book has separate chapters on how to engage in difficult conversations with parents, children, people in authority, spouses, etc. The omission of a chapter on friends is the only real fault I find with the book; I think people often have difficulties dealing with friend issues and some attention to this would have been extremely useful.
Overall, an excellent resource that provides encouragement and practical advice to anyone who has been putting off talking to someone about a difficult matter.
Average customer rating:
- Exactly What the Title Says!
- Confrontation 101
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How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding: With Your Spouse, Adult Child, Boss, Coworker, Best Friend, Parent, or Someone You're Dating
Dr. Henry Cloud , and
Dr. John Townsend
Manufacturer: Zondervan
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
 Interpersonal Relations
| Relationships
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Christian Living
| Christianity
| Religion & Spirituality
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Religion & Spirituality
| Subjects
| Books
Similar Items:
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Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life (Inspirio/Zondervan Miniature Editions)
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Nine Things You Simply Must Do: To Succeed in Love and Life
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Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future
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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
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Who's Pushing Your Buttons? no dustjacket
ASIN: 0310267145 |
Book Description
The practical handbook for having that difficult conversation you've been avoiding by the authors of the award-winning and bestselling Boundaries. Now with a discussion guide!
Customer Reviews:
Exactly What the Title Says!.......2006-03-23
Apparently, at some point in the past, there was a book called, Boundaries Face to Face. Thankfully, Cloud and Townsend changed the title to something a bit more practical. Though I would never pick up `Boundaries Face to Face' I immediately picked up `How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding With Your Spouse, Adult Child, Family, Boss, Coworker, Friend, Parent, or Someone You're Dating.'
Having a lot of opportunities to listen to people who are wondering how to have difficult conversations with others, this book will become a permanent, staple reference. It is simple, practical, and gives godly wisdom on the art of confrontation and communication.
Overall the book is great. I think a little more attention could be paid to dealing with people who refuse to stay on topic, but this is really a very minor point throughout the book. Overall, it is an excellent guideline for biblical confrontation with others and I would highly recommend it.
For a full review go to my blog in my screen name and click on the Readings category.
Confrontation 101.......2006-03-06
Does the mere word "confrontation" give you a stomach ache? If so, it may help to know that, according to Cloud and Townsend, the word literally means to come face to face with another person-- in other words, it is a positive relational term. This book gives practical, step-by-step advice on how to have difficult but vital conversations with people you are in relationship with. It outlines strategies for how to prepare, how to remain loving, and how to keep the conversation on track. Although it focuses on "big" conversations about matters that may have been brewing for a while, it is also useful for smaller, day-in day-out kinds of confrontations. Some people grow up in homes that encourage this kind of interaction, and some people grow up avoiding such matters. Cloud and Townsend give a biblical basis for operating in both grace and truth, just as Jesus came full of grace and truth.
This book is best understood in the context of the book Boundaries, by the same authors. However, it can also stand on its own.
Book Description
Be prepared to manage stressful situations before they happen with proven, constructive strategies!
The second edition of this best-selling resource provides new and updated content influenced by the feedback of over 250 school administrators.
Managing Difficult, Frustrating, and Hostile Conversations uncovers safe and effective strategies for dispelling common sensitive situations such as handling legitimate complaints, controlling those under the influence, combating charges of discrimination, serving as the mediator, and diffusing abrasive conversations.
Each chapter highlights situations identified by school administrators as most stressful. Tips for managing these situations are followed by suggestions and questions for the reader that highlight how to:
- Understand the motives and actions behind hostile adults
- Become proactive rather than reactive
- Maintain control over volatile conversations
- Communicate effectively with all types of upset individuals
Use this text to constructively address sensitive issues and prevent stressful circumstances from evolving into dangerous situations.
Customer Reviews:
Never got it.......2005-10-12
I needed this book for a class I am taking and ordered it. After I had ordered it I received an email that said that it would arrive in mid October. Just a few days ago I received another email that stated that the title was no longer available. In the mean time I am getting further and further behind in my reading and still don't have a book. There should be a better way for Amazon to let me know that a title is not available before it allows me to order it and wait for a month.
It's a Gem !.......2002-11-19
Kosmoski and Pollack have written an easy to read, easy to apply book. It is a valuable tool for any administrator. Great ideas for dealing with conflict effectively without giving in and without alientating the parent or co-worker who comes to you with complaints and problems.
I've read this book twice since buying it earlier this year. The succinct vignettes allow for easy access and readability.
Managing Difficult, Frustrating, and Hostile Converstations.......2001-06-19
As a principal, I found this book to be excellent. It provides the reader with vignettes that relate well to the ISSLC standards. It also provides a foundation and understanding to better prepare administrators for those hostile and difficult conversations that we all will encounter.
A Real- Life, Practical Guide.......2001-04-17
This book is based on real-world events in every kind of school situation: urban and suburban districts, elementary through high school campuses, adults who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, confidentiality issues, screaming parents, etc. The authors discuss each situation and how administrators responded. They tell us what parts of the scenario were handled correctly AND WHY, and what might be done differently. I feel more confident in my ability to talk to parents and other adults who have a say in my school district. It is a useful guide for teachers and administrators.
Book Description
"We don't talk about controversial issues here!" That seems to be the unspoken rule in most faith communities. The unfortunate results of such no-talk rules are that congregations are noticeably absent from the public forum and members of faith communities fail to develop "social capital." We do not form significant connections with one another. In this book, author Katie Day invites us to begin engaging in difficult conversations, a process she hopes will become habitforming, a new way of being communities of faith.
"We don't talk about controversial issues here!" That seems to be the unspoken rule in most faith communities. The unfortunate results of such no-talk rules are that congregations are noticeably absent from the public forum and members of faith communities fail to develop "social capital." We do not form significant connections with one another. In this book, author Katie Day invites us to begin engaging in difficult conversations, a process she hopes will become habitforming, a new way of being communities of faith.
Product Description
A primer to prepare for difficult conversations.
Book Description
Spanish Edition. The special dedication to this book clearly presents its purpose: “For all those who want to make sincere conversations a key element of their personal relationships.” The authors define the characteristics, benefits and precautions of good conversations. The book’s five sections, divided into 27 chapters, outline the following themes: “The talk that can change your life,” “The benefits of a good conversation,” “Be emotionally present,” “Clarify the problem,” “Apologize for your part in the problem,” “Avoid ‘shoulds,’” “Tell people what you want,” and a special section on how to conduct a difficult conversation with your spouse, son or daughter, parents, adult children, at work or with persons in authority
Average customer rating:
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Difficult Conversations in Medicine
Manufacturer: Oxford University Press, USA
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
General
| Medicine
| Subjects
| Books
History
| Special Topics
| Medicine
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Physician & Patient
| Medicine
| Subjects
| Books
Clinical Chemistry
| Pathology
| Specialties
| Medicine
| Subjects
| Books
Doctor-Patient Relations
| Medicine
| Medical
| Professional & Technical
| Subjects
| Books
Clinical Chemistry
| Pathology
| Internal Medicine
| Medicine
| Medical
| Professional & Technical
| Subjects
| Books
All Titles
| Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007
| Stores
| Books
ASIN: 0198527748 |
Book Description
In all branches of medicine, effective communication between health care professionals and patients, families and carers is essential to ensure first-class treatment. Increasing public awareness of health issues and the ready availability of health information have lead the public to be more widely informed about common conditions and the treatments available. Patients therefore attend a medical consultation better informed so the need for improved communication skills is even greater. This book aims to demystify the 'doctor-patient' relationship in order that patients and potential patients can more easily understand the information which doctors are seeking to convey as well as gaining some insight into the difficulties of communication from a doctor's perspective. Some conversations require specialised skills. Talking to people with difficult personalities and poor social skills can be challenging. Strong emotions of anger, frustration or distress need sensitive handling and particular age groups call on styles of address appropriate to their particular needs. Using the expertise of experienced doctors from many specialties this book covers not only the theory behind good communication skills but also gives a wealth of practical advice. The book covers ethical and legal issues, planning difficult conversations, the patient's and doctor's perspectives, issues surrounding special groups such as children and the elderly, and conversations with patients from different cultural backgrounds. Outlines of possible clinical cases posing specific problems are included with guidance on how to handle them.
Book Description
This book gives practical advice for building your assertiveness skills and communicating directly with others. Sample scenarios covering difficult conversations with your partner, friends and family, bosses and colleagues and shows you the right way to get your message across.
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