Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
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Insightful guide to conversations without confrontation

Will you ever have a hard conversation? Sure, you will! Read this book first.

Difficult converations

great read

Best Book on Communication

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
Douglas Stone , Bruce Patton , Sheila Heen , and Roger Fisher
Manufacturer: Penguin (Non-Classics)
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Interpersonal Relations | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
Conflict Management | Relationships | Health, Mind & Body | Subjects | Books
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ASIN: 014028852X
Release Date: 2000-04-03

Amazon.com

We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman

Book Description

Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.

Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation

Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.

"Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times

"These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist

"Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters

"Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman

Download Description

"What is a difficult conversation? Asking for a raise. Ending a relationship. Saying ""no"" to your boss or spouse. Confronting disrespectful behavior. Apologizing. Conversations we dread, and often handle clumsily as a result, are part of all our lives: in boardrooms and family rooms, across the negotiation table and the dinner table. Now, Difficult Conversations teaches us how to handle these dialogues with more success and less anxiety. How does it work? Based on fifteen years of research and consultations with thousands of people, Difficult Conversations pinpoints what works. The authors discovered that regardless of context, the same small but crucial errors are what trip us up--and a few key adjustments can make all the difference. * The role of emotions--ours and theirs * The impact of what is said and what is not said * Why admitting our mistakes will put us in a stronger position * The truth behind the myth that women are better at expressing their emotions than men * How to respond productively in the face of personal attacks Who is this for? Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations is certain to be an instant and lasting classic for families, neighbors, bosses, employees, customers, tenants, landlords, psychologists, teachers, and more. Who are the authors? Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and at the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have consulted to countless businesspeople, governments, organizations, and communities including all parties to the negotiations on constitutional transition in South Africa; school teachers in Medellin, Colombia; and community leaders and the police department in Springfield, Massachusetts. They lecture throughout the world and have written on negotiation, conflict resolution, and communication. Bruce Patton is co-author of Getting to Yes."

Customer Reviews:

Insightful guide to conversations without confrontation .......2007-10-22

You will face difficult conversations throughout your life, but now you can learn how to cope with them. This book provides a framework and various strategies for achieving better outcomes from hard exchanges. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen use principles, illustrative stories and charts to teach you how to understand the components of challenging conversations, and how to prepare for them and transform them into something constructive. The language of the book is clear, insightful, concise and always helpful. You can use these principles in business, but the stories also concern relationships in your everyday life. We say everyone from teenagers to mature adults can use the communication skills discussed in this wise book.

Will you ever have a hard conversation? Sure, you will! Read this book first........2007-09-21

This little book can be a great help. We all have avoided conversations we knew were going to be difficult. Often not talking made things worse, so as things became intolerable we had the discussion and things got even worse. These authors break down the inner structure of difficult conversations and how we often mishandle them. They then show us the ways in which we can turn this into a constructive process that brings more understanding, greater cooperation, and learning that will help avoid repeating the difficulties in the future.

Certainly, I can't recap the whole book in this little review, but I especially like their concept of three conversations happening within each difficult conversation. They are the debate over what happened, the feelings conversation, and the identity issues. In the what happened conversation the problem is that each side assumes it knows the truth, that they know the other party's intentions, and that they know where and how to assign blame. Of course, all this is a fiction and a waste of time. It does nothing to fix the situation or improve the process to avoid the problem in the future. The book then shows you how to have a constructive approach to the same problem. Excellent stuff!

The authors are part of the Harvard Negotiation Project and has a foreword by one of the authors of the famous book, "Getting to Yes". The book is concise, but full of very good information. I recommend it very much.

Reviewed by Craig Matteson - Ann Arbor, MI

Difficult converations.......2007-09-17

this book is well worth the read,
it is easy to get throught, and does not repeat itself.
You want to read the whole book.
nancy carlson

great read.......2007-08-27

This book is used as a textbook at the Harvard MBA. Good tool for those messy conflicts

Best Book on Communication.......2007-08-24

This is the most useful and comprehensive compendium of effective, research validated, communication concepts I have ever seen in one book. Useful for anyone who speaks with other humans, especially significant others, business colleagues and teenagers. If you are a coach, this reading is required. Difficult ideas presented in a way that makes them easy to understand and easy to apply.

Silos, Politics and Turf Wars: A Leadership Fable About Destroying the Barriers That Turn Colleagues Into Competitors

Average customer rating:

Excellent explanation of how to solve this pervasive problem
Silos,Poltics and Truf wars
The value of having a common definition of Performance
Another Lencioni classic
Silos, Politics and Turf Wars

Silos, Politics and Turf Wars: A Leadership Fable About Destroying the Barriers That Turn Colleagues Into Competitors
Patrick M. Lencioni
Manufacturer: Jossey-Bass
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Organizational Behavior | Business & Investing | Subjects | Books

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Leadership | Management & Leadership | Business & Investing | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 0787976385

Book Description

As with his other books, Lencioni writes Silos, Politics, and Turf Wars as a fictional—but eerily realistic—story. The story is about Jude Cousins, an eager young management consultant struggling to launch his practice by solving one of the more universal and frustrating problems faced by his clients. Through trial and error, he develops a simple yet ground-breaking approach for helping them transform confusion and infighting into clarity and alignment.

Download Description

In yet another page-turner, New York Times best-selling author and acclaimed management expert Patrick Lencioni addresses the costly and maddening issue of silos, the barriers that create organizational politics. Silos devastate organizations, kill productivity, push good people out the door, and jeopardize the achievement of corporate goals. As with his other books, Lencioni writes Silos, Politics, and Turf Wars as a fictional but eerily realistic story. The story is about Jude Cousins, an eager young management consultant struggling to launch his practice by solving one of the more universal and frustrating problems faced by his clients. Through trial and error, he develops a simple yet ground-breaking approach for helping them transform confusion and infighting into clarity and alignment.

Customer Reviews:

Excellent explanation of how to solve this pervasive problem.......2007-10-11

I have experienced the silos problem in many places and the explanations about the problem and the causes are spot on. The model that this book explains very well how to over eliminate the causes and overcome the problem. Managers should read this book.

Silos,Poltics and Truf wars.......2007-10-05

Not your average Business book... Put in a story form so the reader is not bored with dry material... You need to look close to get the learning facts... A very good book would recomment to anyone with deparment disagrements...

The value of having a common definition of Performance.......2007-08-22

A short, well written, story about a most common business problem - lack of or differing definitions of performance by the senior leadership team. Using a common complaint heard within most businesses - the performance damage done by "silos" between departments, divisions, units, or whatever you call any internal enterprise - Author and consultant Patrick Lencioni again uses the popular business narrative format to show how the lack of a common definition of performance within the leadership team (even when they like each other and want to be a strong leadership team) will cause the organization to be pulled apart and under perform. He then goes on to solve the problem by getting the team to agree a singular, near-term problem they need to solve (thematic goal) and are willing to unit behind.

Although one can question if this condition can be solved in a two-hour meeting, as the hero of the story does; Lencioni's solution components - the thematic goal, a set of defining objectives, a set of ongoing standard operating objectives, and subsequent metrics - is a concept with practical merit. As with most business narratives, the single theme skips over the many other real-life business issues, making the solution seem more powerful and easier to implement than business reality often allows. The story does, however, identify a very real problem of leadership team members each defining performance from their individual perspectives and provides the beginning of the solution. The book is recommended for leadership teams.

Another Lencioni classic.......2007-08-14

Lencioni has written a very good fable that depicts the typical "silos" or turf wars that take place in any organization. Using several different case scenarios, Lencioni does a great job in describing the subtleties of turf wars and places the blame square at the top of the organization. (The ground troops are simply doing their jobs as described for them by their bosses.)

The answer to the turf war, according to Lencioni, is a thematic goal. This is not to be confuse with a vision statement or a BHAG (big fat hairy goal), as Porras and Collins describe. But it is more than strategic goals and objectives. I must admit, this was a new concept for me and I'm not quite sure of the concept even after reading Lencioni's concept.

Lencioni clearly states that a thematic goal does not exclude the need to develop a good, functioning executive team (cf. Dysfunctions of Teams). Indeed, good executive teams are a priority for Lencioni. But contends that even well functioning teams with good personal relationships will sometimes have organizational/structural weaknesses that allow "silos" or turf wars to develop.

Overall, Lencioni has written a very readable book that clearly describes the problem of politics among divisions in an organization. But the concept of a "thematic goal" (as opposed to organizational vision) is still a bit vague to me -- but it is clearly not to be dismissed.

Silos, Politics and Turf Wars.......2007-07-23

This book was reader friendly, very easy to navigate, and it was interesting and informative.I have used it as an educational tool.

Solving Tough Problems: An Open Way of Talking, Listening, and Creating New Realities

Average customer rating:

Listening and generative dialogue
Enables deeper connections across communities
Jerry's review on Solving Tough Problems
Not sure what I was expecting
Building bridges

Solving Tough Problems: An Open Way of Talking, Listening, and Creating New Realities
Adam Kahane
Manufacturer: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Business & Investing | Subjects | Books

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The World Cafe: Shaping Our Futures Through Conversations That Matter
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ASIN: 1576752933

Book Description

Adam Kahane spent years working in the world's hotspots, and came away with a new understanding of how to resolve conflict in a way that seems reasonable - and doable - to all parties. The result is Solving Tough Problems. Written in a relaxed, persuasive style, this is not a "how-to" book with glib answers, but rather, a very personal story of the author's progress from a young "expert" convinced of the need to provide cold, "correct" answers to an effective facilitator of positive change - by learning how to create environments that enable new ideas and creative solutions to emerge. The book explores the connection between individual learning and institutional change, and how leaders can move beyond politeness and formal statements, beyond routine debate and defensiveness, toward deeper and more productive dialogue. Both tough and inspiring, the book explores models, technologies, and examples that foster and facilitate "dialogues of the heart."

Customer Reviews:

Listening and generative dialogue.......2006-08-14

Adam Kahane (2004) said that a friend of his told him that the old "1960s slogan `If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem' actually misses the most important about effecting change. The slogan should be, he said, `If you're not part of the problem, you can't be part of the solution.' If we cannot see how what we are doing or not doing is contributing to things being the way that they are, then logically we have no basis at all, zero leverage, for changing the ways things are--except from the outside, by persuasion or force" (pp. 83-84).

Any problem is part of a system, in other words, and if we are experiencing the problem, then we must, by definition, be a part of the problem. This book explores this concept and provides many tools and examples to help resolve conflict through deep listening and generative dialogue.

Enables deeper connections across communities.......2006-07-11

Mr. Kahane's book is the tip of the iceberg - a great start for someone looking for reflective practice that provides the skills and methods for addressing difficult challenges - individually and organizationally. The perspectives in Solving Tough Problems are from the heart, and present a valuable contribution to the growing awareness of how social technologies can provide containers for creating new realities...definitely recommended!

Jerry's review on Solving Tough Problems.......2006-03-17

At last! An easy to read book true to Bohm's vision of dialogue that will begin moving the subject from an esoteric phenomenon to a practice attainable by many. This book should not be considered as a primer on dialogue that could replace works such as "On Dialogue" or "dialogue, the art and practice of thinking together", rather it presents the author's experience in practical application of many of the concepts and principles discussed in those earlier works.

Not sure what I was expecting .......2005-12-31

I was expecting much more from this book,at times it seemed to be the author's bio instead of giving/sharing the best practices of how to go through an approach in solving difficult issues.

Building bridges.......2005-08-12

In a world beset by problems, this book offers real hope. Adam Kahane shares the techniques he has used in many of the world's trouble spots to bridge differences, establish a genuine conversation among adversaries, and create a positive future. This is not an academic book. It's based on real experience. Wherever we are called to end conflict, heal differences, and build collaboration we can learn from its lessons.

Average customer rating:

A Combination of Motivational and Practical Advice
Simple Advice
Too Focused on an Office Enviroment
Great Gift for Employees & Co-Workers
Not very deep, nor very helpful

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work
Richard Carlson
Manufacturer: Hyperion
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Business Life | Business & Investing | Subjects | Books

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Accessories:

RESPeRATE Blood Pressure Lowering Device
Airborne Effervescent Health Formula, Original Orange, 10 Tablets (Pack of 3)

ASIN: 0786883367
Release Date: 1998-11-18

Customer Reviews:

A Combination of Motivational and Practical Advice.......2007-08-13

Much of the stress we experience comes not from the workplace but from our reactions to our workplace. Most of Carlson's little book focuses on how we need to change our attitudes in order to minimize stress. For instance, work should be seen as something that we get to do rather than something that we have to do. Enjoy life now--don't wait for retirement!

Problems should be seen as speed bumps to negotiate gracefully, not barriers to be resented. One should recognize that life is full of hassles, and that these should be handled in stride. One should lay off the ego, because constant comparison with others will only raise one's stress. Workplace meetings, instead of being stewed at as unnecessary or boring, should be seen as challenges to learn something new.

Carlson also gives some practical pointers for minimizing work-related stress. For instance, if we feel hurried in the morning, we should get up earlier to give us more time to get ready for work. Long commutes to work, instead of being hated as a waste of time, should be profitably spent listening to books on tape. To avoid the stress caused by constant phone calls, we should have a "no phone" time when we don't answer the phone. Voice mail should be used more often. To dissipate general stress, we should spend ten minutes each day doing absolutely nothing. And, since vacation trips themselves can be stressful, we should spend more of our vacations puttering around at home or visiting local events and places.

Simple Advice.......2007-05-03

Some of the "advice" is a good, although it is presented in a very simplistic way. I guess the author wanted all audiences to understand the meaning.

Some of the advice is redundant, other is good.

I purchased this for myself to if I can learn how to reduce some of the stress at work, but now we are using it in the office.

I have to say that the chapters that really pertain to you get you a bit upset. (truth hurts I guess). I found that applies to more people than just me when we started reading in the office. :-)

If you are looking for a brake-through book this is not it. If you are looking for some simple self-improvement advice as it pertains to the work environment, you may find some guidance in here. Don't read too much or expect too much from this book. Although it is somewhat helpful if you accept it for what it is.

Too Focused on an Office Enviroment.......2007-04-08

I've enjoyed the other Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Books and thought this book would be helpful in helping me to reduce some of my stress at work. I find that almost all of the suggestions assume an office type of atmosphere and aren't really well suited to my work enviroment - a high paced retail enviroment. Making use of break times is nice if you get breaks, i.e. I just found the book sort of narrowly targeted to a certain type of worker.

Great Gift for Employees & Co-Workers.......2007-01-15

I gave this book for Christmas to give to my fellow supervisors at work. Since we are having issues at work (What company is NOT), the gift was well timed and was the perfect size for timely reading. I struggle to find gifts for my employees as well so this is what they are getting for Christmas this year!

Not very deep, nor very helpful.......2006-11-24

This book would have worked much better as a wall poster or forwarded email: "150 Ways to Lighten Up at Work" or something like that. It's like a really, really dumbed-down, touchy-feely version of Baltasar Gracian's "The Art of Worldy Wisdom," and just made me realize I should re-read that book instead. (No offense meant to Gracian!)

Each chapter is skimmable in 30 seconds or less, and far too many chapters offer mediocre advice that makes you question whether the author has worked in a typical modern office in the past twenty years, instead of making you feel like you just received a fresh perspective on an old problem.

If the positive reviews for this book have left you thinking maybe it's worth a read, I strongly recommend you browse through it at a bookstore first. It's so lightly written that most people can scan it in 7-10 minutes at a store and save $12.

Books like these are what make me distrust self-help gurus and think that they're all con artists.

Average customer rating:

Good stuff
Masterpiece
not bad
still on the frontier because of disinformation
An Elegant and Deep Treatment

Game Theory: Analysis of Conflict
Roger B. Myerson
Manufacturer: Harvard University Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Popular Economics | Business & Investing | Subjects | Books

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Book Description

Eminently suited to classroom use as well as individual study, Roger Myerson's introductory text provides a clear and thorough examination of the models, solution concepts, results, and methodological principles of noncooperative and cooperative game theory. Myerson introduces, clarifies, and synthesizes the extraordinary advances made in the subject over the past fifteen years, presents an overview of decision theory, and comprehensively reviews the development of the fundamental models: games in extensive form and strategic form, and Bayesian games with incomplete information.

Game Theory will be useful for students at the graduate level in economics, political science, operations research, and applied mathematics. Everyone who uses game theory in research will find this book essential.

Customer Reviews:

Good stuff.......2007-10-18

excellent book,very comprehensive step by step approach.I especially enjoyed the sections on Nash equilibria and infinite strategies.Great for those who wish to understand the underlying foundations of decision making via both simple and intricate mathematics. The concepts are also explained well in english through generally understood examples.

Masterpiece.......2004-03-24

This book is a masterpiece: it goes from the simple and straightforward (with examples of sequential equilibria) to technical and challenging material (such as the Mertens-Zamir type space). I own Fudenberg-Tirole and Osborne-Rubinstein, but it is Myerson that gets picked up the most. What I find most rewarding is that Myerson introduces everything gently, working from examples to build a general theory.

not bad.......2003-06-07

very comprehensive book. Covers pretty much everything. It's supposed to be a graduate text but undergrads can handle it as long as they know some math and aren't too scared by all the notation. Oh and Myerson is nice guy too.

still on the frontier because of disinformation.......2003-02-09

This book is not good only because it explains all well known difficult concepts which noone so far has been able to explain clearly and rigourosly in one book but for new important topics that are less known for the majority of game theorists. I'm refering to the idea of networks and cooperation structures and also cooperation under uncertainty with the idea of virtual utility.

An Elegant and Deep Treatment.......2000-06-13

I just completed a game theory book (Game Theory Evolving, Princeton University Press, 2000). To find the best way to present various materials, I went through virtually every game theory book in existence. For the presentation of the basic material on normal and extensive form games, nothing even came close to this book in clarity of presentation and depth of understanding of the issues. Most textbooks, even highly touted ones that are mathematically challenging, do not even come close, and rarely even present the material in a coherent form at all.

I used to do a lot of carpentry, and I always knew the good carpenters from the run of the mill. The latter talk about how to build stuff. The good ones talked about how you choose, preserve, treat, and sharpen your tools. Myerson is, for game theory, like the good carpenter, and this book is more about the nature of the tools of game theory than their deployment--although it is certainly that, too.

Book Description

If your workplace feels like a battle zone and colleagues sometimes act like adversaries, you ore not alone. Today four generations glare at one another across the conference table, and the potential for conflict and confusion has never been greater.

Traditionalist employees with their "heads down, onward and upward" attitude live out a work ethic shaped during the Great Depression.

Eighty million Baby Boomers vacillate between their overwhelming need to succeed and their growing desire to slow down and enjoy life.

Generation Xers try to prove themselves constantly yet dislike the image of being overly ambitious, disrespectful, and irreverent.

Millennials, new to the workforce, mix savvy with social conscience and promise to further change the business landscape.

This insightful book provides hands-on methods to close the generation gaps. With effective tools to recruit, retain, motivate, and manage each generation, you can now create teamwork, not war, in today's highperformance workplace . . . where at any age, productivity is what counts.

Customer Reviews:

All Supervisors should learn this!.......2007-08-30

This has been very enlightning to look outside one's own generation. Awareness is half the battle. Excellent resource.

good info on generations in the workplace.......2006-07-14

This is probably your best bet for a book on generations in the workplace. It's not long on data, but it does apply knowledge about generations in a very useful way. It's not a deep treatment, but it gets the job done. A fairly quick read, and good if you just want to understand people of different ages in the workplace.

If you are interested in learning more about generations overall, and applying the knowledge yourself (easy to do), there's the classic (_Generations_ by Strauss & Howe, strong on theory and the overall picture, though outdated with its 1991 pub date) or the more recent _Generation Me_, with data on how the generations differ psychologically.

All Business.......2004-11-12

I found this book to be very informative and readable. The book gives a number of good insights about the different values of four generations in the workplace today. There are lots of examples and solutions to making the workplace more productive and fun. Unfortunately, the book's focus is on business, making money and working together better. Guess that's what pays the bills. I guess the insights can help in relationships throughout society but for those who are looking for answers outside of business this might be a hard read to get through.

Interesting observations........2003-02-10

"When Generations Collide" is a book that describes the clashes of the four generations with practical solutions. The book is separated into five sections:
Section I: Descriptions of the Generations
The book first describes the four generations (birth years): The Traditionalists (1900-1945), Baby Boomers (1946-1964), Generation Xers (1965-1980) and Millennial (1981-1999). The book also mentions the "Cusper" generation, whom are born five years into or at the end of a generation. The Cuspers are the bridge builders.

Section II: Putting the generations to work
In this section, the authors describe the generations' focus on career. In summary, Traditionalists build a legacy, Baby boomers build a stellar career, Gen X build a portable career and Millennial build parallel careers. The book describes the generation careers with explicit detail including how to reward the generations without offending the "generational culture". This section is interesting since it gives examples from companies that have built various career paths and reward programs for the four generations.

Section III: Hiring generations
In this section, the authors describe in detail how to hire generations. Since the values of the generations are different, company value propositions need to be just as various. These values are established with the help of the specific generations. The proposition should be put into action and modified as time passes. If the values do not represent the various generations then the company would have issues to retain talent.

Section IV: Retaining and managing the generations
Once you have hired the individuals the book describes, in great detail, how to manage and retain your talent using different methods of involvement. Retaining the talent needed is not easy. The book describes that it is not only up to your company but companies should learn to use their talent to keep talent. Example, part-time alumni traditionalist are helping Xers understand the longer term growth of the firm which in turn the firm will be rewarded by Xers not leaving in 6 months. As the book notes it, job changing for Traditionalist is a stigma, for Boomers is getting behind, for Xers is necessary and for Millennials is a way of life.

Section V: What's next?
This section was a six page book conclusion.

If you are thinking of issues that we deal with our bosses, parents, co-workers and others take into consideration their generation before taking action.

Have fun reading.

Not Profound but Provocative.......2002-07-03

Review of When Generations Collide

The Book's Thesis: If you work with people from other generations, you need to understand that conflicting perspectives between the generations can generate workplace conflict.

Obviously, this is an old theme. There are plenty of quotable inter-generational digs and barbs recorded in the earliest writings of antiquity.

More recently, during my youth in the tumultuous late 1960s and early '70s, we spoke openly and frequently about the "generation gap."

This perennial topic has been treated seriously by credible writers in other business books over the past decade. (I have penned a few articles on it in recent years as well.)

Of the books on this now familiar theme, this one takes a less statistical and analytical approach in favor of a more anecdotal slant on the topic.

Lancaster, a Baby Boomer, and Stillman, a Gen Xer, are business partners who write in a chatty style. They lace their broad observations about generations with illustrations derived from their own personal lives. Often, they make their point by telling stories about the conflicts between the two of them---which they blame on their age difference.

And they never miss an opportunity to remind you that they speak and give seminars on this topic. While those frequent reminders border on annoying, the authors do not seem to be indulging in crass commercialism---search all you want and you won't find information in the book about contacting the author-consultants to purchase their services.

Instead, speechmaking (and speech coaching to the likes of pop business pontificator Harvey Mackay, who penned the book's anemic Foreword) seems to define the authors' rather limited frame of reference in the business world.

As other reviewers have noted, the authors' attention to detail, facts, and rigorous analysis have taken a back seat to their breezy narrative.

In an attempt to provide statistical data on generational differences, the authors point to results from an online survey they conducted. You don't have to be a career researcher or social scientist to recognize that such surveys are comprised of small, non-random, non-representative and therefore invalid samples. That is especially true when extrapolating tiny slivers of data to reach conclusions about an entire generation representing *tens of millions* of people!

Still, these flaws notwithstanding, this engaging, readable book makes some worthwhile observations about the rather amorphous and extremely broad topic of generational strife. Despite my reservations, I found myself highlighting pithy passages and dog-earring quite a few pages.

If you can look past the authors' indulgent style and occasional gaffs and lapses, "When Generations Collide" serves as an approachable and palatable overview of potential generational friction in the workplace---and wherever people of varying ages interact.

Conflict Resolution
Average customer rating:

A Must Read for Managing Workplace Conflict

Great resource

Looking for the basics in CR, this is your book!!!

Handy book for resolving conflicts.

Usable information

Conflict Resolution
Daniel Dana
Manufacturer: McGraw-Hill
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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Mediator's Handbook

ASIN: 0071364315

Book Description

Successful management depends on the ability to quickly and effectively manage conflicts. Conflict Resolution includes hands-on information for effectively communicating with employees, disciplining and even terminating employees, understanding and using organizational politics, and more.

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Customer Reviews:

A Must Read for Managing Workplace Conflict.......2007-06-15

Daniel Dana, aka the "conflict doctor", is an established authority on workplace conflict management and resolution. In this book, he helps readers to understand the nature and cost of conflict within the workplace and offers a toolkit for managing and resolving such conflicts by advancing a concept for employees and managers to acquire skills for resolving conflicts between oneself and another and as a third part between others.

A unique feature of the publication is the author's introduction of a tool for calculating the monetary cost of conflict within any organization that should get the attention of those responsible for monitoring the corporate bottom line. It uses practical cases to illustrate important concepts and offers alternatives to the universal and innate human 'fight or flight' response to conflict, while sharing insights on why it is important to understand the structure of conflict in order to know how to resolve it successfully.

As a certified trainer of Managing Workplace Conflict and subject matter expert with Mediation Training Institute (MTI), an international organization founded by the author, I have found this publication and a companion volume by the same author, "Managing Differences" to be an invaluable training resource for understanding the nature, cost, management and resolution of workplace conflict.

This insightful, comprehensive and well written self-help volume is a must read for employees and managers in any organizational setting and a priceless resource for the student of conflict management and workplace dispute resolution.

Great resource.......2007-05-09

I've trained through MTI with Daniel Dana and his approach to conflict is easy to understand and implement within personal and professsional organizations. This book offers practical principles in an easy to read format.

Looking for the basics in CR, this is your book!!!.......2005-08-02

This is a great intro to the skills of a mediator, or just a human being in this day and age. Daniel Dana is a leading teacher in this area. Anyone who is looking to attain this skill will be greatly served by reading this book.

Handy book for resolving conflicts........2001-12-12

This book gives the main points in simple language that anyone can understand. Further all the points and key terms a mediator needs to remember are hightlighted and enclosed in boxes on the relevant pages.

All points are explained with examples and simple cases.

I recommend this book for all who prepare for examination. This is a good book for quick reference.

Usable information.......2001-05-22

I found this book to be of tremendous value. Conflict Resolution is an easy to read resource that is full of practical information that can be applied immediately on the job. It is not only a must-have for managers and supervisors, but also an essential resource for anyone who would like to have more effective relationships and live a conflict free life. Daniel Dana writes with a friendly and often humorus style and it is clear that he has a vast knowledge of this topic. He has a great ability to take a complex subject and make it simple and easy to use with specific "how-to" steps, and that really makes this book valuable to me. I have now successfully used the resolution approaches outlined in this book both in my profession as a consultant and trainer, and in a family conflict situation that was causing a lot of pain. Additionally, the ideas in this book have worked for me in both one-on-one conflicts and group conflicts. The bottom line - this works.

Leading Through Conflict: How Successful Leaders Transform Differences into Opportunities

Average customer rating:

Mark's book is consistent with the man himself
Building Community through Leadership
Accessible, practical and wise
Hands-on advice about handling conflict.
Excellent

Leading Through Conflict: How Successful Leaders Transform Differences into Opportunities
Mark Gerzon
Manufacturer: Harvard Business School Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 159139919X

Book Description

As our world grows smaller, opportunities for conflict multiply. Ethnic, religious, political, and personal differences drive people apart—with potentially disastrous consequences—and it’s the task of perceptive leaders to bring them together again

World-renowned mediation expert Mark Gerzon argues that leaders have failed to rise to this challenge. Our organizations, schools, and governments remain filled with divisive dictators and everyday managers, instead of what he calls mediators—leaders who transform conflict so that everyone can move forward together.

Through absorbing examples drawn from decades of work with organizational, political, and global conflicts of all kinds, Leading Through Conflict provides a powerful new framework for the leader as mediator, and outlines eight specific tools these leaders use to transform seemingly intractable differences into progress on deep-seated problems.

Both practical and passionate, this book makes the tools of cross-border leaders accessible to anyone who wants to help create healthier companies, communities, and countries.

Customer Reviews:

Mark's book is consistent with the man himself.......2007-08-12

I thoroughly enjoyed this book after meeting Mark Gerzon and deciding that if he wrote a book it was worth reading. I was not disappointed. He covers subject matter that has been written about before with a fresh perspective, having practiced the art of leading through conflict with our national leaders, along with many international leaders who have made the world a better place for the rest of us. Conflict, as Mark says is inevitable, whether the hot or cold variety. You my as well learn how to constructively work through it.

Building Community through Leadership.......2007-06-01

Mark Gerzon's Leading Through Conflict is a primer for leaders interested in developing eight clearly-defined competencies that are required for effective leadership in any situation. Because of Gerzon's international consciousness and life experience, he is able to crisply distill the essential factors a leader must grapple with in order to get agreement. While you may have heard some of these competencies before--such as systems thinking, inquiry, or bridging--it is the way Gerzon positions and integrates these concepts that gives this book its unique value add. Moreover, the author includes and explicitly describes five to six tips for actually practicing each of these competencies. This book is so valuable that I not only use it in all of my leadership development classes, but I also provide it to every executive and leader I coach. Despite its depth of insight, this book is easy to read, but it is the type of book a leader will want to read several times. The book's numerous embedded pearls of wisdom, due in part to Gerzon's anecdotes ranging from local school board meetings to the World Economic Forum, are points that leaders will want to remember as they face conflicts every day.

Accessible, practical and wise .......2007-03-18

All leaders need this book. And, at times, we are all leaders in one way or another throughout our lives. Mark Gerzon provides an accessible, practical handbook on how to transform the world of human relationships with 8 simple, yet profound tools. Mediating conflict at home, in one's community, in the boardroom, or on the global stage is our collective calling these days. This book provides structure and wisdom for the journey.

Hands-on advice about handling conflict........2006-11-23

We highly recommend this outstanding contribution to the literature of leadership. Author Mark Gerzon offers not just a how-to guide for resolving conflict, but a handbook for changing the way leaders think about it. The author doesn't fear being opinionated and is clearly an idealist. Yet, his idealism is strongly grounded in, though not limited by, the practical. This is a guide to action, not a theoretical discourse. Many of the tools Gerzon identifies and describes have much broader application than just organizational conflict management. Indeed, leaders who thoroughly master such mental dispositions as "integral vision" and "presence" can do more than solve conflicts; they can help prevent them.

Excellent.......2006-11-04

The book uses modern examples of how Leaders should think like Moderators.
Its a very quick read, and the examples give you real world ideas about how to apply the principles to your own situations.

Average customer rating:

Blood Diamonds, Bleeding Heart
It's ironic how marriage engagements are sealed with other people's blood
Blood Diamonds
Startling and Effective
Good, But a Little Sparse

Blood Diamonds
Greg Campbell
Manufacturer: Westview Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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Diamond: A Journey to the Heart of an Obsession

ASIN: 0813342201
Release Date: 2004-02-03

Book Description

Journalist Greg Campbell leads the reader down the international diamond trail of brutality, horror, and profit - providing an on-the-ground and in-the-mines story of global consequence.

First discovered in 1930, the diamonds of Sierra Leone have funded one of the most savage rebel campaigns in modern history. These "blood diamonds" are smuggled out of West Africa and sold to legitimate diamond merchants in London, Antwerp, and New York, often with the complicity of the international diamond industry. Eventually, these very diamonds find their way into the rings and necklaces of brides and spouses the world over.

Blood Diamonds is the gripping tale of how the diamond smuggling works, how the rebel war has effectively destroyed Sierra Leone and its people, and how the policies of the diamond industry - institutionalized in the 1880s by the De Beers cartel - have allowed it to happen. Award-winning journalist Greg Campbell traces the deadly trail of these diamonds, many of which are brought to the world market by fanatical enemies. These repercussions of diamond smuggling are felt far beyond the borders of the poor and war-ridden country of Sierra Leone, and the consequences of overlooking this African tragedy are both shockingly deadly and unquestionably global. Updated with a new epilogue.

Customer Reviews:

Blood Diamonds, Bleeding Heart.......2007-03-21

The author is trying to sensationalize the bloodshed that resulted from the diamond trade in Africa. His allegations that the smugglers or the people who buy the product as jewelry are somehow culpable is unsubstantiated. In any other part of the world, such resources would've been a stabilizing factor that enriched the nation economically, bringing jobs, added tax revenues, better schools, etc. This is really a book about the inability of a populace to police itself and the author's focus on the "guilt" of the West is just bullcrap. The one chapter on Al Qaeda and the diamond trade was interesting but short on concrete facts. This is lousy journalism.

It's ironic how marriage engagements are sealed with other people's blood.......2007-03-12

What? The title doesn't make sense? Did you know how many people suffered to get the diamond on your wife's or fiancé's hand? I don't either, but you can take a guess once you read this book. Come, take a ride to a place where children spend their last breaths in a ditch, sifting dirt and mud for the precious stones. Take a walk with the men that die in jungles while transporting this contraband to another country. Sit down with the monsters who butcher the pregnant women, who cut the arms of teenagers, who kill for pleasure.

This is not fiction, my friend, this is real and it occurs even now as you read this review. And it will continue to occur until the value of diamonds remains artificially inflated by DeBeers' monopoly. But I know, next time an anniversary or marriage comes along, you'll still buy a diamond for your wife or fiancé. What do you care, you don't have to die to buy...

By Simon Cleveland

Blood Diamonds.......2007-01-29

Excellent book. Throughly recommend it. If you haven't seen the film Blood Diamonds then it is useful reading this first

Startling and Effective.......2007-01-24

This is a thoroughly engrossing portrait of the chaos that devastated Sierra Leone throughout the 90's. Campbell weaves the many disparate strands that coalesced to cause this tragedy together into a compelling narrative that is far more readable than anything else I've come across on the topic. The work ultimately has little new to say about solutions to such situations, mostly because it reveals the full complexity behind the conflict and the lack of any clear or easy answer. I was pleased to see in the film Blood Diamond that many of the evocative details from this book had been preserved, making it a powerful, and hopefully very important, movie.

Good, But a Little Sparse.......2005-10-19

This book was not at all what I had expected, in that it features a lot of superfluous personal touch that, in a story that isn't Campbell's, just doesn't belong. I wish that it had contained more statistics and factual research than just tales of his visits to Sierra Leone, with less-than-necessary intervals of fact. However, it was still an interesting read, and I definitely recommend it to someone who's seeking a general outline of the history of blood diamonds.

Communication Skills Training (ASTD Workshop)

Average customer rating:

For Beginners...
easy to follow

Communication Skills Training (ASTD Workshop)
Maureen Orey
Manufacturer: ASTD Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 1562863711

Book Description

Communication Skills Training offers all the resources and tools needed to design effective communication skills training. Use this complete guide to design presentation, negotiation, conflict resolution, or assertiveness skills for group or work teams or design interpersonal communication learning for an entire organization. The title includes a fully developed set of PowerPoint(tm) slides, handouts, learning activities, and facilitators guide for one-half, full, and two-day workshop programs.

Customer Reviews:

For Beginners..........2007-03-08

...and not really suitable for experienced Work-Shop leaders. I tried this book to get a sense of the quality of the books in this series. Personally I consider this book as too basic, and I must say that the quality of the provided material, such as for instance the slides, is not the standard I would expect. I would recommend this book for not so experienced trainers or people that would want to run an inhouse workshop for their own team.

easy to follow.......2005-04-26

I think the CD included with this book is a marvelous tool for the facilitator. The powerpoint and overhead slide presentations on the CD give you training programs for two days, one day, half day or one hour. The book itself walks you through step by step on how to design an effective training program. This is simple enough to follow for even the novice trainer, yet it is comprehensive enough to meet a seasoned trainers needs. I plan on incorporating many of the learning activities in our training program.

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