Average customer rating:
- Emotional Validation
- Best book on the subject that I've read
- On the mark
- A Bit Depressing
- the most horrific loss
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Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child
Ellen Mitchell ,
Carol Barkin ,
Audrey Cohen ,
Lorenza Colletti ,
Barbara Eisenberg ,
Barbara Goldstein ,
Madeline Perri Kasden ,
Phyllis Levine ,
Ariella Long , and
Rita Volpe
Manufacturer: St. Martin's Griffin
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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Similar Items:
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The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child
-
When The Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter
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Love Never Dies: A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love
-
Facing the Ultimate Loss
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A Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Child Dies
ASIN: 031232829X
Release Date: 2005-01-13 |
Book Description
The death of a child is that unimaginable loss no parent ever expects to face. In Beyond Tears, nine mothers share their individual stories of how to survive in the darkest hour. They candidly share with other bereaved parents what to expect in the first year and long beyond:* Harmonious relationships can become strained* There is a new definition of what one considers "normal" * The question "how many children do you have?" can be devastating* Mothers and fathers mourn and cope differently* There simply is no answer to the question "why?" This sharing in itself is a catharsis and because each of these mothers lost her child at least seven years ago, she is in a unique position to provide perspective on what newly bereaved parents can expect to feel. The mothers of Beyond Tears offer reassurance that the clouds of grief do lessen with time and that grieving parents will find a way to live, and even laugh again.
Customer Reviews:
Emotional Validation.......2007-09-10
I found this book to be extremely well-done and to the point. Unfortunately there is nothing that can ease the pain of the death of one's child. What this book did for me, though, was validate the many emotions and physical effects that have accompanied this life-shattering and heart-breaking tragedy. I found this book so helpful that I ordered four additional copies for family and friends. I plan to reread it from time to time as the years drag by.
Best book on the subject that I've read.......2007-01-05
Candid and compelling
I am also a bereaved mother. These nine women have bared their most innermost feelings in this honest and powerful book. It is the best book I have read, (and reread), on this subject. I highly recommend it to not only to all bereaved parents, but family, friends and professionals who care enough to acquire some insight into what life is really like after losing a child. They have bravely shared their hearts and bared their souls in order to give others hope.
On the mark.......2007-01-02
I lost my teenage daughter and have read numerous books looking for answers; this one was right on the mark. The book traces the experiences of nine women and their husbands following the loss of their children and provides a road map for other bereaved parents struggling to find their way back to a sense of near-normality. It was refreshing to find that I was not alone in my seemingly odd thoughts and that others have endured and accepted the unacceptable.
A Bit Depressing.......2006-12-15
I lost my 28 year old daughter in a car crash May 2005 and have read numerous books on grief since then. Among those I found most helpful were "The Worst Loss", "A Grief Disguised", "When the Bough Breaks", and "Holding on to Hope". Some of the moms who wrote this book were Christian, some were Jewish, but none seemed to hold to Biblical teachings during their time of loss. Psychics!? How does that square with the teachings of either religion? In some ways I found it difficult to identify with these authors. I did find some insights in some of their comments but overall cannot recommend this book
the most horrific loss.......2006-07-17
This book connects across the gulf of emptiness and loss that bereaved parents are intimately familiar with. It seems to speak the language, and address the pains that those who have not grieved a lost child can only fathom.
It is also offers hope for those who are new to this grief and describes the different way of living that now becomes life.
I recommend this book for anyone who has lost a child, or knows somwone who has. As a therapist who works with grieving parents, I can attest to the help Beyond Tears continues to bring with each additional reading.
Book Description
Parents with school-aged children will find in this volume the help they need to create an unstressful learning environment in the home and motivate their youngsters to succeed in school.
Customer Reviews:
Good way to let your children take charge of their schoolwork, as they should.......2005-12-23
I like this book for the way it gives you several options to try if your child is having homework completion issues. Talk them over with your child before using them. There are several blank forms that you can reproduce at the end of the book, including a "Do Not Disturb" sign, or you can find forms on the internet, or even make up your own. There are several good tips on good study habits and how to plan out long-range projects such as reports.
There is a trend with the schools now where they want the parent to check off that this or that has been done, and many schools are requiring "official" student planners. I feel that planners and other aids are fine and actually useful for some students, but for other students and their parents, they can be an unnecessary annoyance, and as a parent, unless there is a problem with the *real* schoolwork being done, tell the teacher that as a good parent, you are not going to be micromanaging.
I think this book, with its concrete "how-to" approach is a great fit with the John Rosemond book, "Ending the Homework Hassle--which has excellent arguments for why parents should NOT micromanage that you can enlighten your child's teacher with.
I looked at the copyright page here on Amazon, and it does not appear to have been revised any since the original pubication date of 1987, so buying used is just fine too.
No Fluff, the Right Stuff.......2005-10-24
I was recommended this book so to help us with our daughter and our constant fighting over homework. I'm normally skeptical about books that are to help you raise your kids, but I was at the end of my rope and thought what the heck! The book is an overnight read that really helped! It tells you how to structure study time, what to say and what not to say to your child by giving examples of conversations that you swear are right from your house. And the best part is that it tells you exactly what to do to help you create a better study time based on your childs attitude toward homework/school.
Excellent advise!.......2004-10-21
This book is worth its weight in gold! I was struggling to get my 8 year-old son to do his homework, and then I found help in this book. It's quick and easy to read, and full of useful suggestions and positive plans to teach your child healthy homework habits. The authors teach that praise and assertive communication are effective tools to motivate your child. They also stress the importance of communication with your child's teacher. Because of the authors' advise, my son now has a dedicated homework area (a desk in his room), and a mandatory homework routine (homework is finished before any TV or video games). The results are that he gets his homework done on time, and with good quality, or he loses privileges for things he enjoys. And guess what? It works. I highly recommend this book for any parent who's tired of the nightly homework battle.
Tearful parent.......2001-08-02
This book was informational, but stuff I'd pretty much tried. However, it is a good book (I sold it to a friend) great for the 2nd or 3rd grade parent that is getting is first taste of frustration.
An excellent guide for parents that is very practical........1998-05-19
As a teacher and parent of three, I found Homework Without Tears to be an excellent book on the subject. The problems most often encountered with children on this topic ("forgetting", not doing their best, refusing to do assignments, etc. are each dealt with individually in a systematic way. The book is very clear in stating the importance of homework in learning responsibility, and that parents must stand firm no matter the age of their children. Consequences are also discussed. Includes helpful charts/checklists.
Amazon.com
Disciplining children is arguably one of the hardest skills for parents to learn. As a parent herself, Elizabeth Pantley knows what a challenge it is to establish good discipline, and she shares the hard-won wisdom of her experience with parents in this latest edition to her revolutionary "no-cry" approach to parenting. In this case, we have no doubt she's saving parents from tears, too! Elizabeth Pantley's approach to this age-old problem is unique because she doesn't rely on old discipline models that often make parents feel like the bad guy. Instead, she gives parents the communication tools they need to stop bad behavior in its tracks and gain a deeper understanding of what triggers a child to act out. Any parent will appreciate the focus on love and nurturing in this wholly practical and much-needed addition to the child care shelf.
A Special Message from Elizabeth Pantley to Amazon.com Readers
As a mom of four, two boys and two girls, I know that raising children is a unique experience every day. Our children bring us a level of joy, and a depth of love, that nothing else in our history has prepared us for. They change us as human beings, and we can never go back to who we were before they entered our lives.
We love our children intensely, yet every day life with them can be challenging, frustrating and exhausting. All day, every day, there are so many things we must get our children to do--or stop from doing. Beginning with getting them out of bed in the morning, and ending with putting them to bed at night (and often, not even then), our job involves an incredible amount of organization, guidance, direction and connection. And all that requires a brilliance and stamina that we never knew we possessed, but somehow must find.
I spend my time surrounded by parents, children and families. I've worked with hundreds of "Test Parents" from all over the world during my book writing process. And of course, I have my very own "laboratory" in my home. So I have a very good idea of the top issues that all parents share. I research the best answers that support positive, nurturing, "No-Cry" parenting ideals and share those answers with my readers in my books.
I hope that I can help you to find the solutions to the parenting challenge that you are facing today.
Hugs,
Elizabeth
|
Enter to Win a Chance to Learn Discipline Techniques from Elizabeth Pantley |
Elizabeth Pantley is offering Amazon.com readers a chance to join her in a one-on-one session in which parents can learn how to solve behavioral problems, communicate effectively with kids, and take away a personalized action plan that will help them to implement effective discipline practices right away. Visit the publisher's sweepstakes page and find out how to enter for a chance to win this exclusive offer.
For a live demonstration of Elizabeth Pantley's approach to discipline, watch these three dynamic videos of Elizabeth Pantley discussing key principles from The No-Cry Discipline Solution. (Click on each image to launch the video.)
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Book Description
Have the Terrible Twos become the Terrifying Threes, Fearsome Fours, Frightening Fives, and beyond? Elizabeth Pantley, creator of the No-Cry revolution, gives you advice for raising well-behaved children, from ages 2 through 8
In The No-Cry Discipline Solution, parenting expert Elizabeth Pantley shows you how to deal with your child's behavior. Written with warmth but based in practicality, Elizabeth shows you how to deal with childhood's most common behavioral problems:
- Tantrums
- Sleep issues
- Backtalk
- Hitting, Kicking and Hair Pulling
- Sibling fights
- Swearing
- Dawdling
- Public misbehavior
- Whining ... and more!
"Pantley applies succinct solutions to dozens of everyday-problem scenarios--from backtalk to dawdling to lying to sharing to screaming--as guides for readers to fashion their own responses.
Pantley is a loving realist who has managed, mirabile dictu, to give disciplinarianism a good, warm name."
--Kirkus
"While many books on discipline theory are interesting and enlightening, parents often struggle finding a way to apply the theories. Pantley’s advice is practical and specific. If ever trapped on a desert island with a bunch of kids, this is among the most useful books you could bring along."
--Tera Schreiber, Mom Writer’s Literary Magazine
Customer Reviews:
Decent book.......2007-09-16
I enjoyed reading all of her ideas for ways to encourage cooperation. She did a great job of balancing fun with obedience. I also appreciated that while she was opposed to spanking, that it wasn't the focus of the book. However, she does assume that spanking is an angry, uncontrolled reaction that parents have when their children are disobedient, which is simply not true. However, I did enjoy the book and found it helpful regardless of your physical disciplining philosophy.
Best I've ever seen!.......2007-09-15
This is the best book on child discipline/rearing I've ever seen. It also teaches parents how to better deal with stressful situations and be more nuturing. I'm not only recommending it to my psychotherapy clients wanting to develop better relationships with their children, but also for learning to have a better relationship with themselves. Read it once for your children and the second time for the child you were when you were growing up. You'll wish your parents had read it!
Carole C. Inglis, MFT
(Marriage Family Therapist)
We love this book at Mamanista.com.......2007-08-22
We also posted an interview with Pantley. Here's our full review of the book:
Public tantrums, hitting, biting, talking back...
If this sounds like a typical day for you, then pick up The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears, by parent educator, Elizabeth Pantley.
After helping countless parents find ways to get their babies and toddlers to go to sleep without tears, Pantley turns her sites to a holistic, yet practical approach to parenting.
First assuring readers that we are doing great if we feel good about our choices 70% of the time (phew!), Pantley then lifts a good deal of stress from our shoulders and provides a new perspective on the issues.
According to Pantley, it is important to remember that no matter how embarrassing, upsetting, or stressful your child's behavior is, it is not about you. Ultimately, discipline problems boil down to your child's difficulty in controlling his or overwhelming emotions.
Pantley then takes you step by step through how to plan ahead, address the underlying issues, and help your child cope so that you can guide your child in becoming a well-adjusted young person (and also enjoy parenting more).
By using hundreds of test families, Pantley is able to find out which solutions really work for actual flesh and blood families. She finds results and then uses her theories to explain them, rather than developing abstract theories and expecting you to figure out how to apply them.
If you've been reading up on parenting advice, many of the suggestions will be familiar--offering choices and redirecting a child's attention are not new techniques. However, there is some advice that was fresh for me. For example, if your child hurts someone else, focus initially on making the wounded party feel better, rather than provide your child with attention to reinforce the negative behavior. Most parents should find at least a couple of new ideas.
Finally, Pantley provides examples of common discipline issues (won't take a bath, won't leave fun places, throws tantrums at stores, etc.) and suggestions about how to deal with each one.
Pantley assembles all these supportive thoughts, well-researched techniques, and helpful ideas, in one reference and provides a framework for parenting with loving and respectful discipline.
You can tell that Pantley really delights in being a mother, and that her love of parenting extends to the children and parents of the world, as well. She genuinely wants to help us find ways to share that joy. With so many negative stories in the news about parenting, it is refreshing to hear from an author who sees parenting as a pleasure and provides practical and uplifting advice so that we can spend less time fighting bad behavior and more time cherishing beautiful experiences.
Best book I ever read!!.......2007-08-17
Words can't explain what I have to say about No- Cry Discipline Solution. I will however, try my best to do so. How can one person capture so many aspects of parenting and write them so eloquently in one book? Well, I can say that Elizabeth Pantley does just that. This book is amazing. It has touched me in so many ways. One of the best chapters in this book is the chapter on how to deal with your own anger and frustration. I have suffered through many situations with my three children, as we all do. I would beat myself up about some of the choices that I made in discipline...sometimes even cry about the choices I made. As parents we are constantly facing the dilemma of whether or not we did or are doing the right thing. Elizabeth managed to bring tears to my eyes when I read Staying Calm and Avoiding Anger. Yes, tears...tears of joy, because I finally felt that I wasn't alone in how I was feeling and that just because we get angry and frustrated it doesn't mean that we are a bad parent...just means we are humans with breaking points. This is just one of many chapters in the book that is great; each chapter in its own way is special because they truly help you. You are given a problem and then there is the solution. I have tried many of them with my kids and I am proud to say that they are working. Elizabeth Pantley in my eyes is an amazing and extraordinary person with the ability to make you feel like she is right there sitting in your living room walking you through what to do...move over Super Nanny. If anyone is struggling with what to do with any type of behavioral issues with their children, this is the book for you. I have read every one of Elizabeth Pantley's books and I love them all, but The No- Cry Discipline Solution is her best!!! My advice to all parents, go out as soon as you can and run to your nearest book store or log on to the internet and get a copy of this book. I promise once you get started you are not going to want to put it down.
I LOVE this book!.......2007-08-08
I'm not often compelled to write a review, but I absolutely love this book. I've read a lot of books and articles on discipline, but I feel like I had a sort of break-through with my children after reading this one. I agree with the previous review which noted that the chapter on parental anger is perhaps the best part of the book. I honestly feel much more in control of my emotions and happier about parenting in general after reading this book. I am a big Elizabeth Pantley fan, but this book is my favorite of hers thus far.
Amazon.com
There are few things on the planet that can drive an adult crazy as fast as a ceaselessly whining child--we are often reduced to tantrums ourselves by this incessant complaining. If we were just better parents, our kids wouldn't have to act this way to get our attention, right? Not exactly. Whining happens because, often, it works. Whining also happens at any age and in many forms, and can be a very destructive behavior pattern if allowed to continue into adulthood. In this extremely useful and practical little book (you can read it in a couple of sittings), the authors explain how whining functions for both the child and parent and how the latter can deal with it. The recommended techniques are based on the work of pioneering psychiatrist Alfred Adler, and are gentle and respectful to both parent and child but also firm in setting limits for acceptable behavior. Authors Audrey Ricker and Carolyn Crowder teach parents how to dive beneath the admittedly choppy surface of whining by communicating assertively and then to change things from underneath the maelstrom. Numerous "real-life" examples are offered, as well as corresponding methods of response, but the scripts wisely shy away from a simplistic "one-size-fits-all" solution. The notebook at the back of the book will help families keep track of exactly what is going on and assist in reducing whining so that everyone in the family interacts more peacefully and productively. --Katherine Ferguson
Book Description
Are you ready to end the whining wars in your house?
It starts with a whimper, an insistent demand, or a certain tone of voice that every parent recognizes with dread -- your child is starting to whine, and if you don't respond properly you'll have a full-blown tantrum or argument on your hands. Kids of all ages know that whining works when they want that extra hour of TV, the unplanned toy purchase, or a later curfew. But stopping such behavior without giving in to a child's demands isn't easy, and if left unchecked, whining can lead to constant disruptions at home, in school, or anywhere else your child chooses. Now the same authors who solved a common parenting problem in the national bestseller Backtalk present three proven methods for putting an end to whining, as well as information on
* The best ways to react when your child whines in a public place
* Why negotiating and giving in never work -- and what you should do instead
* What kids are really trying to tell you when they whine
* Why whining can lead to poor self-esteem and unsatisfying social relationships -- which can follow your child into adulthood -- and what you can do about it now
* How to clearly, respectfully indicate to your child what's important to you and why whining will no longer work as a means of communication
Filled with numerous real-life examples, encouraging advice, and simple steps you can start using immediately, this invaluable guide will help you end the cycle of giving in to whining only to have your child do it again, and instead replaces misbehavior with effective, meaningful, and loving parent-child communication.
Customer Reviews:
This Works!!!.......2002-09-18
...This book teaches a respectful, productive, kind way to deal with whining, backtalk, temper tantrums, arguing, and all those bad habits that kids pick up. This does work on pre-lingual children. I used it with my child before she was 1. I found myself struggling with behavior again in the 4s and 5s and read this book and went back to applying the principles. They do work. You'll be amazed and your child will be happier. This brought peace to our home. It's easy to read and give lots of examples. Both parents need to be informed and commited to sticking to the plan. ...There is no heartlessness in this plan. There is no spanking, time out, or counting. If you're frustrated with your child's behavior and how it is controlling your family, read this book.
Good main ideas + a few bad ideas.......2002-08-20
The main ideas of the Whining book are good and from what I've witnessed, effective not only for stopping whining, but for the personal growth of the child. Unfortunately, some of the secondary points and applications of the main points contradict the main points, and can even be harmful to the child, short and long-term. Overall, I recommend the book, however, a parent must be careful in picking and choosing which of these principles and applications to follow:
Strengths and good points:
· Clear, concise writing.
· The book does a fairly good job defining whining, its purpose and the disservice this does to the child and the family.
· Good idea: When a whining incident occurs in public, remove the child from the scene.
· Another good idea: Parents announce ahead of time that whining will result in an automatic "no". It's important not to reward whining.
· The authors recommend logical consequences for whining, no second chances.
· The recommendations for assertive and respectful communication to children are excellent ones. Do not yell at children or sink to any disrespectful communication with them.
· The chapter on providing children with responsibility in the family (chores) so they'll feel like important contributing members is an excellent one. Important contributing members are less likely to seek attention in negative ways. Furthermore, they learn responsibility and become less self-centered.
Weaknesses and bad points:
· Bad idea: The authors instruct parents to ignore children completely when they whine at home. This undermines the idea that parents are to treat children with respect. The silent treatment is completely disrespectful whether the person on the receiving end is a child or adult. And I'm sure parents don't want to encourage their children to tune them out! The parent can do a modified form of ignoring by saying, "I'll be happy to talk with you, when you talk to me in a respectful manner." THEN they can ignore whining, but reward respectful communication with talking.
· The example of ignoring the 5 year-old boy who refuses to go to bed merely allows him to get away with the behavior. There needs to be a consequence, such loss of TV or Gameboy privileges.
· In recommending consequences be accomplished with a minimum of words, the authors err in under-explaining consequences to children. Explain once and clearly so the child knows exactly why the consequence was enacted. Do not be drawn into a battle, but do explain!
· A few examples contradict authors' own points. They say to use logical consequences when tasks are not completed, yet the 13 year-old who refuses to bring groceries in the house is cheerfully told, "Well maybe next week." No consequences at all!
· Food should NEVER be withheld as a consequence, unlike some of the examples in the book. This is cruel and unusual punishment in the short-term, and can contribute to eating disorders in the long-term.
· The sample 14-day "Parent Progress Diary" is 14 pages of filler. It would suffice to provide one blank page and suggest the parent reproduces it.
Despite the weaknesses, I still recommend the book based on the strength of the main ideas. However, since there are some faulty examples, I recommend discretion in applying the concepts.
This book really works!.......2001-07-12
The key to helping your children learn to not whine is to change your own behaviour towards them. Model respectful behaviour. Loved this book!
Really good Ideas.......2001-06-10
I really loved this book and my boys ages 2.5 and just turned 4 have really turned around. My 4 year old was so whiny I got the book for him, but it worked even better at taming the tantrums of my two year old that I had chalked up to "normal" 2year old behavior. The most important element, the one I was missing is the element of contribution. They are doing chores, and helping out and really enjoying it. Dinner time is a delight now. They behave and sit until they are done and then clear their plates. It has only been a few weeks and I was amazed immediately.
Do You Want To Reduce Your Child's Whining and Tantrums?.......2001-01-29
Children are more intelligent than you think. They know how to get results by whining and adults even encourage them to do this. When a child whines, it is not about a toy which they canot have nor the things they have been forbidden to do. It is about being able to show mother and father how much power they posses. Our first child is nearing his 3rd birthday and the whining had increased to intolerable levels. We have found a great amount of success in using the exercises in this book. It has taken several weeks for our child to finally come around but it has worked well. It doesn't work all the time but the tantrums and the commanding have subsided dramatically. I do not believe there is any one particular authority on child behavior because all children are able to learn but all children learn differently... Understanding why children whine makes it much easier to implement these solutions which sometime can appear to be somewhat harsh if one hasn't read the whole book.
Book Description
From early childhood to adolescence, common misbehaviors emerge as a primary concern of both parents and educators. In Discipline Without Tears, Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs provides a clear, constructive outline of his proven strategies for dealing with a wide range of childhood misbehaviors. Believing that children are social beings who want to belong, Dreikurs stresses encouragement, cooperation, and firm control in a democratic alliance of parents, teachers, and children. This sound and sensible guide offers surefire techniques and time-tested advice, especially designed for those who need to deal with large groups of children or with children in a classroom setting. Full of concrete examples and written in a warm, understanding tone, Discipline Without Tears enables parents and teachers to help children change for the better.
Customer Reviews:
A concise how-to care for child discipline with workbook.......1998-11-25
The authors quickly tell the reader the logic and history of their child discipline recommen- dations. They show ways to recognize and type problems - then how to care for them in a respectful and democratic way. The included workbook with answers resolves any questions. A book to read and keep for future reference. Added value; with a little insight the principals cited can be used by any group leader/supervisor. The recommendations really work!
Book Description
For years, parents have turned to the advice of child care expert Dr. Charles E. Schaefer to help their child reach this 1192923
Customer Reviews:
Very helpful!!!.......2006-12-16
My son was having a very very hard time potty training at nearly 4... I was at wits end when I bought this book.. and thank goodness I did! It gave very practical, real-life advice, and more importantly OPTIONS! This book gives several different methods and you can decide which is most appropriate for your child! I found that having my son clean up after himself (he had gotten to where he was pooping in his pull-ups and demanding to be changed immediately) and took him out of pull-ups and put him in undies all the time. We stopped giving rewards and started treating it as something totally natural as one of the methods recommends, and it worked!!! Very informative. I believe a different method will work with my younger son and plan to use a different technique in this book.
Faster isn't Necessarily Better for the Child.......2005-03-21
I ordered this book because I was told the techniques result in toilet training quickly. I was unprepared for methods which I consider primitive (i.e. giving children suppositories to loosen their stool (which my pediatrician says is invasive and unhealthy); or having young children change their own soiled sheets AND waking them every few minutes for extended periods throughout the night).
Gee whiz, I wouldn't want this done to me. It sounds a bit more like brain-washing than toilet training. Just because something works, does not make it civil. This book does not treat children with respect but rather like pets to be trained in order not to inconvenience the owners.
Helped us succeed quickly!.......2000-01-16
We found this book extremely helpful in getting our 3 and a half year old daughter to finally use the toilet for her bowel movements. After less than one week of practicing the "desensitization" method our daughter was successful. We also found the suggestions for bedwetting very informative and have relied on the appendix to further guide our research on this topic and to help us find retailers from which to purchase equipment to aid us in eliminating bedwetting. The book provides an excellent overview for different methods of toilet training and addresses age specific problems and offers age appropriate solutions.
Informative, but not very helpful........1999-09-29
The book provided some interesting information about toilet training, but none of the techniques were helpful for me. My daughter is showing signs of readiness to train, but the techniques are not for her. We can not use the "Readiness approach" because her bowel movement are not at the same time every day, she is too old for the "Early approach" though she is under 2 years old, and there is not enough information on the "Rapid approach", instead you are advised to buy another book to explain it in more detail. The first two approaches may be helpful to other parents if your child has regular bowel movements or is 3 to 15 months old.
Average customer rating:
- About Solter's view on nursing....
- A wonderful addition when you don't know what to do!
- Response to the 1 stars
- Essential Reading
- Tears and Tantrums
|
Tears and Tantrums: What to Do When Babies and Children Cry
Aletha Jauch Solter
Manufacturer: Shining Star Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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ASIN: 0961307366 |
Customer Reviews:
About Solter's view on nursing...........2007-03-29
Some reviewers may disagree completely with the notion that a breastfeeding mother could absolutely love breastfeeding and at the same time want to control the nursing schedule and set limits on the child's access to nursing, but I am an example of exactly that kind of nursing mother. My son is 9 months and has been nursed full-time since birth. He never accepted a bottle so no one has ever fed him but myself directly from the breast, everyday of his life for the last 9 months and still going. He didn't start solids until 6 1/2 months and has only taken 1 solid feeding a day until now that he is 9 months and his appetite and curiosity for solid foods has really opened up. I LOVE nursing my son. I will always cherish the countless times we have sat quietly on my couch staring at each other while his little hand plays with my hair and my face. When he smiles in the middle of nursing my heart melts 100% But I don't feel that way when it is 3 am and I am 1/2 asleep. So I started early on to feed on a schedule and I am very happy that my son sleeps through the night (from 7:30pm to 5:30 am, nurse and back down until 7:30 am) He has done so since he was 2 months old, with some interruptions here and there due to teething, and after a few days we get back on track. I absolutely believe in feeding on a schedule. It makes life more predictable for me, and I believe for him also. My son also benefits very much from Solter's approach to cry as stress relief. He cries often when he is tired during the day and ready for a nap. he cries in my arms and starts closing his eyes and finally surrenders to sleep. Wakes up happy and smiling.
Some mothers may enjoy very much nursing 24 hrs a day, on-demand, but certainly not all of us do. Some of us like to do it in a more organized and predictable pattern.
Some mother may never wish to hear their babies cry, and prevent it at all costs. But some of us have learned that crying is sometimes inevitable, and really, not the end of the world, but just part of life, particularly a a baby's life.
A wonderful addition when you don't know what to do!.......2006-12-14
My first son just had issues- mostly with me being a new mom and him wanting his way. This book, although a little much for some, offered much needed help with how to help him learn to sleep WITH my help. Not just letting the baby cry, but to let them express themselves and it helped. I didn't give it a full five because as a nursing mother, I felt they were a little to much for me on that level.
Response to the 1 stars.......2005-12-20
The reviewers that gave this book one star, obviously did not read this book closely enough. You are suposed to respond to ALL your babies needs. Yes, even nursing for comfort! In fact the author states she got up in the middle of the night to nurse her children until they were at least two! Parental closeness is a need children have, that is why she advocates nursing, and co-sleeping, and baby wearing. On top of all of this, some children still get stressed out (I would bet all children), and frustrated, and the only way to express themsleves is to cry. If I need to have a good cry, they last thing I want is someone telling me to be quiet, yet this is exactly what we do to children. Solter helps us avoid causing pent up emotions by allowing our children to cry as they need to. Yes, before children can talk, crying is one of the only ways a child expresses needs. You figure out what cries mean. You try to meet the need, and if your child is still crying, most likely there is a NEED to cry.
I give this book four stars, because I think you do have to read it very closely, think about what you are reading, and practice it to truly understand how to apply these principles in your life. I feel a quick read could give you wrong ideas (it is obvious to me that one reviewer did not understand the overnursing concpet, and another reviewer missed the whole concept). This book really is common sense. It is loving and respectful. Children and families would be happier from living by its ideas.
Essential Reading.......2005-10-26
I wish that I had read this book before my first child was born. Solter's ideas would have saved us so much guilt and heartache. As the other reviewers have already stated, this book explains that sometimes babies and young children have a very strong need to release stress and emotions through crying. As a parent, I had always believed that crying was something to be avoided at all costs. I nursed on demand, carried my son everywhere, and kept him close by at night. He was always so fussy! Then as a two year old he was very aggressive toward other children even though we have always been gentle with him and modeled kindness and respect. Solter explains very clearly how fussiness and aggression can be avoided. She explains how to help your child sleep better by allowing them to work through their emotions instead of stifling them. I strongly dissagree with the reviewer that called this method cruel. Solter says again and again that we are not ever supposed to ignore our child's cries. But if, after making sure that all of the child's needs have been met, the child is still crying, we can be assured that crying is a ligitimate need as well. After working with this method and observing my son, who is now three, I have seen how much better he feels after crying. Sometimes he even seems to look for reasons to cry. When he's done he is happier for days. The Aware Baby is also a very important book. I have been recommending it to everyone who is having trouble with their baby because the message is so helpful. If you are a skeptic, check your local library first. But if you're like me, you'll be here buying your own copy soon.
Tears and Tantrums.......2005-02-25
I recommend this book to anyone who has ever been a child (not a typo!). Not only does it explain why babies and children cry, it shows us how we can support them in expressing their feelings. For those people who had their crying repressed in childhood and now have their own children, it is a revelation.
Babies and children are little people and they need to be respected as such. "It is important to know that children need the most love and attention when they act the least deserving of it".
Aletha Solter has written a book which will allow so many children to grow up as well rounded, healthy individuals, able to express themselves fully. It also gives scope for healing in adults too, "It is never too late to begin". I see it as a bright future for humankind.
I have gone from feeling inadequate as a parent to feeling I am doing the very best for our child. We have a very happy, alert baby who cries when he needs to, in our arms and with our love and full attention. It is very satisfying to see him drop of to sleep so peacefully and even sometimes with a smile!
Thank you Dr. Solter, I can see that one day what you have written about will be the advice parents are given. I just hope that day is soon.
Book Description
Personal accounts by parents who have responded to the daily challenge of making a life for and with a disabled child. Photographs and line drawings.
Customer Reviews:
Great Book!!!.......2004-03-23
This is the first book I read after finding about my son's condition. It will not help you to find the "cure" or "treatment" for your child. It will help you cope & understand.
Never see Bonnie in a prom gown?.......2004-02-11
I was annoyed by the story of the man who was sobbing because he "realized he'd never see Bonnie (daughter) in a prom gown." Though Bonnie had Down syndrome, she would most likely be able to attend a prom if she chose-- most schools that have ANY type of teenagers in them have proms!
After The Tears Is A Must Read!.......2002-06-30
I have worked with individuals experiencing disabilties and their families for several years. After The Tears is an honest, informative and poignant collection of experiences of families whose lives have been changed by a family member with a disability. This is a great resource for families and a MUST read for professionals and para professionals. It has raised my awareness and reminded me of both the strength and fragility of the families and individuals whom I have served.
after the tears.......2001-10-21
I am a parent of a child with a disability. This book was wonderfully written. It expressed many of the feelings I had when my child was born. I realized I am not alone. I have read many books about coping and this is the best one by far. It is also an easy read. I read it in one night.
Understanding Disabilities.......2000-09-11
I am a teacher who has never had a child with disabilities. This book really helped me understand what the parents of my students are going through. It is a great book for new parents or friends of parents with a baby with disabilities of any kind.
Book Description
The Cheers and the Tears offers parents and coaches sensible advice and healthy alternative approaches to the competitive and stressful world of youth sports.
"Full of practical and helpful ideas for parents who want their child's youth sports experience to be a success. . . . Refreshing, honest, and down to earth."
--Joan Ryan, author, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes; columnist, San Francisco Chronicle
"Shane Murphy understands parents and helps them help their children. His guidance is immensely practical. This book is essential reading for anyone who works with children in sports."
--Christy Ness, Olympic figure skating coach, coached Kristi Yamaguchi to the 1992 Olympic Gold Medal in Women's Figure Skating
"The Cheer and the Tears is terrific! Shane Murphy provides excellent solutions to tough issues. If your child is involved in organized sports at any level, read this book!"
--Sean McCann, sport psychologist, United States Olympic Committee
Customer Reviews:
Read this book!.......2000-04-05
This is a truly remarkable book which gives a balanced view of youth sports today. Dr. Murphy is exactly right, in my opinion, in laying the blame for what problems exist squarely at the feet of the adults. He does an excellent job of analyzing what's good and bad about the roles of coaches and parents. He recommends specific and reasonable ways to keep what's good and minimize what isn't. I'm a coach and league director and chair national meetings on youth sports. I repeated recommend this book to everyone I know in youth sports.
This was an outstanding book..........1999-06-12
Shane did an excellent job at recognizing and capturing the effects that misguided adults(more often than not they're unintended) are having on youth sports programs today. His recommendations on what youth sports organizations can do to improve their programs and what parents can do to improve their children's sports experience are excellent.
Shane's book is a MUST READ for youth sports administrators, coaches, and parents of competitive athletes.
Book Description
This special collection of stories about motherhood will inspire, encourage, and challenge you as it explores biblical truths and how they relate to being a mom.
Customer Reviews:
Mother of two from Iowa.......2002-08-07
I bought this book after hearing Carol Kent speak at a Mother's conference. It is very easy reading and provides you with short inspirational stories about Mother's. Bible verses are referenced for each individual story to find more inspiratation. I thoroughly enjoyed this light reading.
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