Book Description
How Two Grieving Mothers Found Inspiration and Comfort There are few, if any, events in life as traumatic, heart-wrenching, and crushing as the death of a child. While nothing can mute the pain of such a life-shattering loss, others who know this experience can help those suffering articulate the chaos of their feelings and see that they can, eventually, feel whole again. Organized by a journalist and a psychotherapist, each of whom has lost a child, A Broken Heart Still Beats is a remarkable compilation of poetry, fiction, and essays about the pain, stages of grief, and the coping and healing process that follows the death of one's child. The chapters are organized thematically and chronologically, from "Thunderstruck," the point at which parents first learn they have lost a child, to "The Legacy of Loss," wherein the authors and the anthology selections speak to the "steely hard and cold" life lessons this type of bereavement brings. This compilation of poems and excerpts draws from short stories, novels, biographies, and autobiographies that focus on the death of a child as relayed through classic and contemporary world literature. It is made up of works by some of the best writers and thinkers present and past, many of them bereaved parents as well, ranging from Mark Twain, Isabel Allende, William Shakespeare, John Edgar Wideman, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Anne Tyler, and Sophocles to Eric Clapton and Winston Churchill. Biographical introductions personalize the excerpts, often offering new insights into well-known writers like William Faulkner and Rudyard Kipling. This book's anthologized selections make it truly exceptional. This book expresses the universal themes of grief--and the common points of these experiences and feelings--in language and imagery that goes straight to the heart. The fact that each of the authors has lost a child brings a powerful authenticity to the book. Bereaved parents and family members as well as mental health professionals, bereavement counselors, and those interested in grief literature will all find this book extremely valuable. "As one who has experienced the tragic, untimely death of a child, I have found this anthology of similar experiences an excellent source of comfort and healing." --George McGovern, former U.S. Senator and Presidential candidate. "By putting words to what is surely the most unspeakable of life's losses, this eloquent and painfully honest book may help make the darkness a little less dark, the loneliness a little less lonely." --Judith Viorst, author of Necessary Losses Born and raised in new York, Mary Semel graduated from Goucher College in Baltimore. She is a psychotherapist who, after working for many years at Sheppard Pratt Hospital, now has a private practice. Her sixteen-year-old son, Alexander, was killed in a car accident in 1991. Anne McCracken is a former newspaper reporter and feature writer. She lives in Baltimore, Maryland, with her husband,
Customer Reviews:
An excellent grief resource for grieving parents.......2007-09-18
My daughter questioned why I was reading this book, and until she said it I would have not really thought about or understood why I WAS reading it. However, when forced to think about it, I realized that I was probably wondering how other parents were able to survive this crushing loss and by what means they did so. This book provided that window into another's grief and gave me the sense that I was not alone, and that while it was normal to feel the things I was experiencing, others were finding out and giving voice to their own grief. It was this shared experience of understanding another's pain that gave me some relief - to know that I wasn't going crazy!
an amazing anthology.......2006-07-23
When my granddaughter was born still, I immediately turned to the solace offered by the written word, finding that to be much more helpful than the empty cliches and platitudes offered by acquaintances. This is an incredible collection of writing, both fiction and nonfiction, essay and poetry, on the subject of the loss of a child. Many, if not most, of the writers included have experienced this most devastating of all losses. The authors introduce each section with personal writing that forms an intimate connection. They draw from classic literature as well as modern, making this a book that offers something to everyone. I found myself re-reading sections in an attempt to hold off coming to the end of this sustaining book. I doubt this book will ever make it to my bookshelf, as I will be turning to it often for inspiration and comfort.
The one I still read..........2005-09-27
It's been five years since the death of my precious son and although many books were helpful in the early months and years this is the one that has lingered with me the longest. I still turn to it from time to time, especially on the hard days.
If I'm angry, confused, consumed with memories and flashbacks, or just missing my boy this is the book I turn to.
As Mark Twain is quoted in the book, "It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live. There is but one reasonable explanation of it. The intellect is stunned by the shock and but gropingly gathers the meaning of the words. The power to realize their full import is mercifully wanting. The mind has a dumb sense of vast loss-that is all. It will take the mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss."
That quote, like so many in the book, resides in my heart and mind. I am still grappling with my loss, but thanks to this book and many others my heart continues to mend.
The most depressing book I have ever read.......2004-08-15
I found this book to be extremely depressing and full of despair, which someone who has lost a child doesn't need to feel more of. This book offered no hope and must have been written by authors who believe they will never see their children again. I refuse to look at life and death that way and instead choose to have hope of reuniting with my daughter and peace in knowing that she is in a much better place than we are. Obviously I would not recommed this book for anyone who has lost a child.
The most helpful book so far..........2004-06-21
I lost my precious daughter Hannah Caguiat last December in an accident that injured me and her little sister Emily as well. Along with an outpouring of love, support, and sympathy from our family and community, I received dozens of books about bereavement in general and loss of a child in particular.
I received _A Broken Heart Still Beats_ as a gift recently and reading it has been so helpful. Despite the variety of experiences and the fact that some of the pieces in here are fiction, this is the first time I have felt like there are people out there who truly would understand what we are going through. It is not a self-help book, but does explore various aspects of being a bereaved parent -- from relationships with spouse/partner/child's other parent, to anger, to sibling issues. I highly recommend this for anyone who has lost a child or is close to someone who has.
I was saddened, too, by how many people out there in the arts and literature have been in this situation. So many that I never knew had experienced this.
Average customer rating:
- Highly recommend
- A good resource for grieving family members and friends.
- Good Book
- solace in knowing you're not alone. or crazy.
- Reommended Resource for Grieving Grandparents
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Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby
Deborah L. Davis
Manufacturer: FULCRUM PUBLISHING
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ASIN: 1555913024 |
Customer Reviews:
Highly recommend.......2007-10-03
This book was recommended to me over a year ago when I lost my daughter. It has taken me that long to get around to ordering it, I wish I had of much earlier. Fantastic book.
A good resource for grieving family members and friends........2007-03-11
After the stillbirth of our first and only child, we bought or were given a raft of books relating to infant death and stillbirth. Of these, Empty Cradle is probably the best known.
I found it comprehensive and extremely focused on affirming the emotional journey of the parents. For me, it was perhaps a little bit too affirming. I found that in the end I preferred the more matter of fact tone in a book like A Silent Sorrow than the more emotional point of view in Empty Cradle. Still, it is one of the better books on the topic, and would be particularly valuable to people who are really struggling with what emotions they should be feeling at a time of loss.
I also really appreciated the comprehensive and categorized bibliography that Davis included with the book.
Good Book.......2007-02-04
This book has lots of good info in it. I read it following the passing of my 24 week olddaughter back in 2005.
solace in knowing you're not alone. or crazy........2007-01-06
i wish this book never needed to be written, and never needed to be read. but as tragic as it may be, babies do die, and parents do need to learn to live with it. if you are expecting any answers, you are looking in the wrong place. and if you do find the right place, please let me know. as far as i have learned, there are no answers. there is only an endless pain that we try to alleviate by sharing with each other, so that we do not feel too alone in this. and that's exactly what this book does. it helps you feel less alone. the garbled thoughts and feelings, the phantom pains and sounds, the guilt and the anger, the endless loss and the irrational fears. the fear that you are going insane. sadly, it is shared by all, and can thus be termed as "normal". whatever that is.
Reommended Resource for Grieving Grandparents.......2007-01-03
Davis gently offers information surrounding the concerns Mothers and Fathers have about the loss of their baby. Most importantly Davis gives accurate use of the term Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and the differences between this medical mystery and other infant deaths. It is a great resource for parents of adult children and grandparents because it gives insight into what the parents are going through, as well as it explains how to tell children about death. Grandparents will also learn how to support their children through the grief process, knowing we all go down this path of grief together, yet it is a uniquely personal journey.
Average customer rating:
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Even from a Broken Web: Brief, Respectful Solution-Oriented Therapy for Sexual Abuse and Trauma
William Hudson O'Hanlon , and
Bob Bertolino
Manufacturer: John Wiley & Sons
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ASIN: 0471194034 |
Book Description
"Anger and tenderness—my selves. And now I can believe they breathe in me as angels and not as polarities. Anger and tenderness—the spider's genius. To spin and weave in one moment anywhere. Even from a broken web." —Adrienne Rich Survivors of sexual abuse often feel at war with certain aspects of themselves or their feelings—anger, fear, sexuality, memory, even physical sensations—the web of self is broken. In solution-oriented therapy for sexual abuse and trauma, the therapist's task is to help people learn to "spin and weave" at once—to reclaim parts of themselves that they have dissociated, disowned, or devalued as a result of their trauma. Even from a Broken Web gives therapists the tools to help clients spin these disparate fibers into a single resilient thread and weave a new fabric of self in which every aspect of one's personality is recognized, valued, and cherished. Acclaim for Even from A Broken Web "Bill O'Hanlon and Bob Bertolino have done an excellent job in writing Even from a Broken Web. It is a remarkably lucid, poignant, insightful, and helpful guide for all those, therapists and clients alike, struggling to come to terms with sexual abuse and its sequelae. The authors convey so much—encouragement, excellent information, solutions, tenderness, even humor. I highly recommend this well-written book!" —Stephen Gilligan, author of The Courage to Love
Customer Reviews:
Sexual Abuse Self Help.......2007-03-08
Excellent book for Solution Oriented Therapy users and people lookiong for a little self help.
Book Description
Despair. Emotional isolation. Self-loathing. Immaturity. Abusive actions. These are just some of the damaging fragments that remain embedded within our personalities, behaviors, and souls when we are broken as children. The memory of the past may seem distant and clouded, but within its scars deep wounds remain that continue to inflict pain upon our adult lives--and often end up spilling into the lives of others. In Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain, Paul Hegstrom, author of Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them , shows us the scars from his broken childhood and shares practical and proven methods for facing and dealing with the pain of the past. By using scientific research, psychological studies, and biblical principles--especially those found in the Jewish model of raising children--he points us to the place of healing where we are finally free to pursue authentic relationships and build healthy emotional intimacy with others. This updated version of Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain is an excellent resource for pastors, teachers, counselors, psychologists, parents, or anyone wounded by an abusive past.
Customer Reviews:
Dr. Paul Hegstrom has information that will change your life!.......2007-05-15
It was Dr. Paul Hegstrom's teaching that changed our lives forever. In 1994, we were struggling in a ten year marriage that had lots of problems including abuse and adultery.
Dr. Hegstrom's teachings began the miracle that we needed in our life and marriage. The next ten years of our marriage were so wonderful that in 2004, we wrote our first book on marriage, "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" Dr. Hegstrom wrote the Preface to the book.
Let Dr. Hegstrom's teachings change your life and while you are at it, click on the following link and get a double blessing! The Man of Her Dreams The Woman of His!
If you like The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His! - then you will also want to check out The Man of Her Dreams The Woman of His 2 - Livin' It and Lovin' It! (Volume 2)
Joel and Kathy Davisson
Good Gondition and Service.......2006-03-26
Book received in good condition and delivery was received in a timely manner
Answers .......2005-03-14
This book provides an excellent complement to Paul's previous book on domestic violence. "Broken Children", reaches deeper into the hearts and minds of those who abuse and the people who find themselves living with abusers. Victims can identify with the helper and rescuer discussions and find motivation for change. Abusers can discover the root of their problems and address the shame vs. guilt thinking that motivates their behavior.
This is another wonderful effort by Dr. Paul Hegstrom that gives answers to some of life's toughest problems.
For Evangelicals Only.......2004-11-24
This is a truly terrible book that I'm very sorry I purchased. Not only is the advice weak (and vastly different from other excellent books on this topic), but it is entirely phrased from an evangelical Christian perspective. What our "Creator" wants us to do is repeated every couple of paragraphs. As you can imagine, our "Creator" pretty much wants us to forget the abuse ever happened, and joyfully commune with God's plan. I feel that I was misled in purchasing this book, because it is portrayed as another useful self-help book, and the underlying evangelical message is not mentioned in the reviews. Although you may like this book if you are a fundamentalist, unfortunately, from a psychological perspective, the advice is very very poor. If you are not a born again Christian who believes all we need to do is pray, you will not be helped at all by this book. I'd like my money back.
Help for people with troubled pasts.......2001-10-31
This book proved helpful to me as I search for answers to how to overcome an abusive marriage that harmed my children. It helps to explain why just wanting to be different than your parents isn't always easy.
Customer Reviews:
The gift of therapy.......2005-10-30
In reading Broken Child I was horrified by the abuse, saddened at the suffering of Marcia, and deeply moved that in a world where drugs are shoved at people to solve all problems, that there was a psychiatrist who gave himself selflessly and extensively to help heal a sick woman. I liked that the author saw her multiple personalities as being a further form of the life of abuse she endured. The alter egos weren't cute or charming in any way; it was mental illness and she understood it as such. Too many books on multiple personalites seem to want to make it okay to live in a fractured state. Ira Steinman, the psychiatrist, was determined to have Marcia become whole and functional.
The book is raw, and difficult to read at moments, but incredibly compelling and deeply honest. The abuse on the part of the mother, and the abandonment of all responsible adults in Marcia's life, made me weep in spots. But the book has a purpose--the long, hard road to integration. It would be a valuable tool for therapists to read. This book acurately calls multiple personality a mental illness. The interaction between patient and therapist is well portrayed. I hope her life continues toward health.
Intense and Provocative.......2005-07-23
Broken Child is a story of tragic loss and pain suffered at the hand of an otherwise "should be" doting mother. The author does an indescribable job of putting her horrific experiences on paper. For anyone who's ever experienced abuse, we know this can be an extremely challenging task. Ms. Cameron does this with such precision and attention to detail that it's frightening. I found that I had to read the book in public so as to not become so engrossed in the details that I "lost" myself. Very seldom does someone come along who can so adeptly describe the very horrors of life that the rest of us would just as well forget or ignore.
Definitely a disturbing story, but yet very good.......2004-03-06
I discovered The Broken Child when I was in the 11th grade, and I started it and was shocked that this woman went through these trials with her mother. It is a autobiography about a woman who's mother was racist against her own daughter; she hated her from child birth. She would not even look at her own daughter because her mom was anti-semantic. She said this when she first saw her "That is not my child, that is a Jewish child!" Her mother abused her beyond anything I have ever heard of; she pumped a broom stick into her vagaina while screaming "Now I am going to teach how to use your Jewish c*nt!" She was locked in a closet while her father worked, and her mother abused her whenever she got the chance, but when her father was at home, she treated her like she was a princess.
While in the closet, she developed split-personalities and became these personalities when she was put in there, and she saw them as her friends. Eventually she told the truth to her father, and her father divorced her and got joint custody of her and her brothers who were not abused as her. Then her father died in a plane accident and she had to go live back with her mother. As she got older, her mother eventually died, but she left her with emotional scars and physical scars. One of her personalities named Lucy was a s*ut; she would go out every night (her personalities), and would have sex with men she just met, then she would wake up wondering where she was and discovered semen between her legs, and would cry her eyes out.
Eventually she got married, but when she was touched a certain way; she would freeze up like a statue because it remined her of the past. She had kids, but she still had the mental scars with her. She then got some help, but she discovered new memories that she never thought she had, and this made her more depressed and almost on the verge of suicide. As she got older, she then realized that she had to get over this, so she got more help and eventually got rid of the personalities and discovered her surroundings; her kids, her husband, and she found a new lease on life, and she discovered how to live life without the scars still on her mind.
I am sorry if I offended anybody, but what I said in this book is explained in this novel. This novel has changed my life forever, and it should be read with a open mind, and also it makes you think that this woman went through this, but yet she was able to come up in the world and to have a family of her own. It can be very inspirational but yet VERY sad.
So So.......2001-09-11
This one was a decent read, no doubt about it. But the doctor who treated her wasn't very with it in terms of multiplicity. He treated the other people in her system down right disrespectfully. Sadly, he seems the norm among many therapists.
Inside DID.......2001-09-11
There are many stories recounting abuse by males, but not nearly as many people have come out and shared their stories about abusive mothers. Marcia Cameron shares her struggles and triumphs with courage and grace. She also talks about her difficulty in finding a therapist who was willing and, more importatly, able to help her discover the root of her adult problems. There are many, many therpists and psychiatrists who disclaim DID or completely miss the diagnosis, because it is masked with many other symptoms. Marcia Cameron brings us through her trials in therapy as well. I highly recommend this book for all professionals and DID's who are ready to read some very triggering material.
Amazon.com
When Michael Dorris, 26, single, working on his doctorate, and part Indian himself, applied to adopt an Indian child, his request was speedily granted. He knew that his new three-year-old son, Adam, was badly developmentally disabled; but he believed in the power of nurture and love. This is the heartrending story, full of compassion and rage, of how his son grew up mentally retarded, a victim of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome whom no amount of love could make whole. The volume includes a short account of his own life by the 20-year-old Adam, and a foreword by Dorris' wife, the writer Louise Erdrich. The Broken Cord won a National Book Critics Circle Award in 1989.
Book Description
The controversial national bestseller that received unprecedented media attention, sparked the nation's interest in the plight of children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and touched a nerve in all of us. Winner of the 1989 National Book Critics Circle Award.
Customer Reviews:
Interesting read, especially considering what happened after the book was published.......2007-10-17
The book is well written and interesting.
You may not want to read further if you want to experience the book as it was intended to be read. It is especially interesting considering that a few years later (in 1991), "Adam" was hit by a car and killed, Dorris and Erdrich were accused of child abuse by their second son, and the couple divorced in 1995, the same year Dorris entered alcohol treatment. In 1997, Dorris committed suicide.
People Who Work With Kids Need to Read This.......2006-02-25
This memoir/ public health history is engaging, disturbing and educational. It touched on many things to which I can relate...having a degree in anthropology (as the author does), being a former social worker and currently in school to become Special Ed. teacher I want to give this book to everyone I know who doesn't live in my world and see these things happening around them and to those who do live in my world so we can start a discussion about how to combat this tragedy.
I had my own first emotional experience with a young man who, as a social worker, I took a special interest in. After several evaluations and diagnoses nothing added up. Some said depression, others said ADHD; then it became Oppositional Defiant Disorder....After nearly everything was exhausted a Drug Rehab counselor asked him to draw a circle (fine motor skills) and pulled me aside and said he was FAE; It was an aha moment....I realized that many of the clients I had been beating my head against the wall over because nothing helped exhibited many FASD signs...It's not just the small kids with cleft lip....
It was interesting hearing Michael Dorris' discussion of the Indian Community and the overwhelming pull of alcohol. I worked at an American Indian Center and had parents and children who regularly drank together; something that I could not fathom and which I was told was "an Indian thing." Dorris gives more in depth historical perspective as well as holding people accountable for their individual actions. As a liberal (and anthropologist) I could relate to his hesitance to blame the moms...but it was good to see a mirror held up to myself; the problem exists and we must take personal responsibility and do everything to stop it. I know these kids and it is a tragic life. Read this book!
A book to change your world.......2005-10-17
I consider this one of the most important books I've ever read (and like you, I've read A LOT of books). It's one of the few books you pick up in a lifetime that change how you see the world. Along with "Plagues and Peoples" and "Guns, Germs and Steel," it's in my permanent Top Three for non-fiction books.
No one asks to be born with FAS or other mental disabilities. They don't ask to be harmed in utero, or neglected afterward, either by their parents or by society. Yet they must somehow cope in life, and so must those around them.
That we live in the richest country in the world, yet are too selfish to ensure adequate pre- and post-natal care for every child is horrifying, and we all pay the price in the long run.
Coping with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.......2004-09-08
Michael Dorris, a single 26 year old professor of Native American Studies at Dartmouth, decided he wanted to adopt a child by himself, he didn't really know what he was getting himself into in The Broken Cord by Michael Dorris, a book that should be highly recommended to any reader.
Through the long hard process of adoption, he finally became a father to a young boy named Adam. Michael was told that Adam had some severe developmental problems due to his FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) and the abuse and neglect from his biological mother. Michael was aware of these developmental problems; however he seemed to ignore them, or at least think that they would be easily overcome and he would mature like a normal child. However after adopting two more children later, Sava and Madeline, he realized that they developed much faster, and were quickly at the same level as Adam. In the beginning of the book, Michael was in denial. He blamed Adam's developmental issues on unfair tests, a sluggish start, and useless assessments. At one point, he wrote, "I periodically concluded that Adam's teachers must be incompetent, badly trained, or lazy when they failed to stimulate his performance in the classroom."(pg 65) Michael learned about determination and unconditional love through his life. It took a lot of work from him, teachers, and other people in the community to help Adam develop slowly.
There are many humorous stories, such as the train birthday cake that Michael made for Adam's daycare, which he made using some extremely bold dyes for the icing, and got a call from the owner of the daycare who was very concerned. "`It's when they put the kids to bed,' she said. `When they took them to the potty. They noticed before they flushed! The water in the toilet bowl was green! Or bright blue! Electric yellow! Orange!'" (page 69) Like he mentioned in one part of the book, it is almost necessary when dealing with FAS to have a sense of humor about it.
This book is very well written, and contains a lot of history and facts about the Native American culture, as well as about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and its strain and effects on development. There were also many examples of good literature. "My cabin perched on a bank above the beach, high enough so that I seemed entirely surrounded by improbable light, awhirl in the energy of star and sea." (page 3) This passage brings about a taste of the immense imagery and high-quality descriptions found in The Broken Cord.
I would recommend this book to anyone interested in another culture, and in learning about FAS. Personally, I didn't know what Fetal Alcohol Syndrome really entailed until I read The Broken Cord. It's full of laughter, love, devotion, and tragedy, a little something for everyone.
From a future teachers point of view.......2003-12-19
Dorris's intent in writing this text is to enlighten people about the disease called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. His primary focus is how Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is affecting the Native American culture. However, he does mention how this disease knows no limits of culture and is occurring across all nationalities.
The various parts of the text are divided into Dorris's denial, tolerance and then acceptance of the effects of FAS. Dorris writes about his life as a single parent, when at the age of 26 he decides to adopt a child. Dorris was informed about his adopted son Adam having problems developing. He thought that with enough love and nurturing Adam could overcome any obstacles. The beginning part of the text Dorris is in denial. He blames Adam's shortcomings on a slow start, bias tests, and incompetent assessments. Dorris writes, "I periodically concluded that Adam's teachers must be incompetent, badly trained, or lazy when they failed to stimulate his performance in the classroom."(p. 65)
Dorris has trouble even thinking that his son might have a problem. Once Dorris adopted two more children, he noticed that the other children developed very fast in comparison to Adam and soon were at the same level of Adam. He still held out hope that Adam would have some hidden talent that would balance out his shortcomings. This is the part of the text where he tolerated the fact that Adam was different than most children his age. Dorris still had not grasped the extent of the damage the drinking Adam's birth mother had caused. Dorris does seem to have a breaking point when he leaves with his wife to a dinner party and the children are left alone. At this point Adam is 19 and he breaks a pipe in his parents' bathroom. He then turns off the light, shuts the bathroom door, and goes to his bedroom. Dorris and his wife come home to find the house flooded. They clean up the mess without saying a word and go to bed. This event is their final defeat at thinking Adam will ever have the independence of living alone.
From this point the text takes a turning point where Dorris starts to accept that Adam is the person he is and no amount of love and nurturing can completely erase the effects of FAS. Dorris and his wife find a vocational program where Adam can find employment and living accommodations. Adam works at a bowling alley and Dorris goes to visit Adam on a lunch break. Dorris has partially accepted that Adam's development and choices will not change. On the other hand, as a parent he cannot fight the urge to give unsolicited advice. I do not view his comments on how Adam should eat or take care of himself better as Dorris still in denial. I believe that a parent will always have the insatiable urge to give unsolicited advice no matter what developmental stage their child is at.
I would recommend this text to other students with the explanation that this text was written when FAS was very new and when little information was out about FAS. This text gives a good start into what FAS is and what are the effects of FAS. The text also goes into depth the love of a parent for a disabled child so that a future teacher can further understand from what experiences a parent might come from.
The strengths of the text include Dorris not sugar coating FAS and his ability to reveal all the ups and downs of Adams life as well as his own. In my personal life, I am looking at becoming a mother and the plain way he has explained the dangers of even occasional drinks during pregnancy have made me scrutinize my old beliefs. I can also empathize with Dorris and Adam's accomplishments and disappointments through the style of writing Dorris employs in his text.
The main weakness of the text is that most of the data is outdated. The book was written about 14 years ago. As stated earlier, this text is a good start to understanding FAS. However, this text starts only a foundation to understanding FAS. Further research is needed to fully understand the current techniques for working with a child that suffers from FAS.
While reading this text I kept asking myself how I would implement the information given into teaching procedures within my classroom. The main point I kept coming back to was a quote stated, "Perhaps the single most important coping skills when working with FAS/FAE is a sense of humor."(p. 347) If a sense of humor is not kept then there is no focus. As an educator or parent, if there is no sense of humor then all sanity is lost. The stress of perfection will put too much pressure on the child as well as the facilitator.
My overall impression of this text is one of mixed emotion. At first I thought the text would just contain depressing stories with some insight. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself laughing at certain parts like when Dorris spent a week making the perfect train cake for Adams sixth birthday and the comical fiasco that followed. After reading the text I was intrigued about how Adams future had turned out. I investigated and was saddened to read that Adam was killed at age 23 in a hit and run accident. I was further upset to read that Michael Dorris committed suicide when abuse charges were pending. Real life does not always paint a beautiful picture when we search for truth and hope.
Book Description
Broken Boys/Mending Men awakens us to the realities of a grave situation: boys are the victims of sexual abuse. It is estimated that one in six males suffers some form of sexual abuse as a child or teenager. In most cases the victim knows and trusts the perpetrator - most often an adult or teenage male. Broken Boys/Mending Men, originally published in 1990, provides a frank discussion of the issue, describing the consequences of male sexual abuse and the ways that victims can find help in healing the pain. Candid first-person accounts illustrate issues commonly faced by males trying to deal with their early victimization - withdrawal, isolation, denial, the loss of security and self-esteem - and how society's traditional view of masculinity acts as a barrier to their recovery. Stephen Grubman-Black offers hope and encouragement to victims as well as useful insights for parents, teachers and mental health professionals who want to know more about the effects and treatment of childhood sexual abuse. Stephen D. Grubman-Black teaches in communications studies and in women's studies at the University of Rhode Island. He has offered workshops and trainings over the years for people affected personally and professionally by the traumas created by childhood sexual victimization. "I'm a mental health counselor in Miami, Florida and have been a fan of your work on adult male survivors of sexual abuse. I'm doing a presentation for my colleagues in June on the subject and plan on citing some information I read in your book Broken Boys/Mending Men. I can't tell you how much I learned from that book and how much it has helped my past clients." "Of all the books I have read on the subject this is by far the best one, it goes to the heart of the matter. I am 44 and this is the most helpful book on the market, that I have come across." "A very good book for all of us men who were sexually abused as children." "This book cleared up a lot of confusion for me. This book opened my eyes to my past that my mind had blocked out. I now understand why I have done and still do some of the things I don't want to do. I was able to see what I had lost and what was taken from me. Most of my life I was seeking an illusion now there is some reality in my life. I am not a freak; I was robbed of more than my innocence; I lost most of my life. Freedom is possible and I now know there is more hope than I ever thought there was. Buy the book and get free. I have even bought this book for some friends so they can see that they (we) are not alone in (our) their pain."
Customer Reviews:
Excellent reading.......2004-02-02
This book allows you to 'dip' into the various pages/issues and also allows you to see that no matter, theres nothing wrong with you, what was done to you was wrong!
Steve
Oh my God thats me........2004-01-27
I first read this book 1990 It started me in the road to recovery from what I did not know then but now I do. 7 copies have been stolden by men looking to heal the hidden pain and shame. I know that you will find strength and ability to move on in your life staying stuck is no longer an option. This book also helped me understand the different way we were abused and how to start back to a healthy way of living. If you want understand someone that you know has been abused or suspected some abuse. This book will give you some understanding and a place to start healing yourself and others.
Customer Reviews:
True Crime at its best!.......2006-11-18
Burl Barer is my favorite true crime author, and each book he writes blows me away. Broken Doll again shows his ability to merge journalistic integrity with dramatic flair and human sensitivity. Well researched and compelling, this story is about the kidnap and murder of an innocent little girl by a warped and twisted "friend" of the family. More than just a rehash of the gory details,Barer takes us into the parallel lives of the killer's and victim's families - a sad story all around, but written with heart, verve and attention to detail. Any one who reads true crime will want all of Burl Barer's books.
great book.......2006-01-16
I really liked this book, I am such a true crime fan. It's horrible what this man did to this little girl. And the sadness that the family had to endure. I am glad justice was served evntually, and forensics really came into play. The only thing, though, is that the book is very repetitive when it comes to the the actual courtroom and what was said. It seemed like the author kept rewriting what the witnesses said over and over througout the book. That is why I gave it only 4 stars, but it was still a good read..
This book is terrible.......2006-01-15
The writing and story are disjointed and the grammar of the author is horrible. I'm not even talking about the quotes of individuals involved, but the author. I'm on page 84 and don't think I'll finish this book. It's too painful to read, and not because of the story it tells.
Not For a Parent of a Young Child.......2005-11-10
I found the first five chapters of this book interesting. The next sixteen chapters were dragged out, and boring to read. I say in my heading that this book is not for a parent of a young child because I am a parent of a young child and I had nightmares after I read the first five chapters. I also started to distrust family friends for no reason. I did not even have a bad feeling about them.
A brief summary of this book is that Richard M. Clark was physically beaten at the early age of three-years-old until fourteen-years-old when his mother unexpectantly passed. Richard, a "friend" of the Doll-Iffrig family, grooms his seven-year-old victim, Roxanne Doll, with gifts to gain her trust, and than kidnaps her in the night from her bedroom, rapes, and murders her.
My recommendation to other readers is that this book is not worth reading. The crime that this book talks about is too horrific of a crime that will turn your stomach, make you sick, and paranoid of your family friends.
Broken Doll.......2005-11-10
I thought the book "Broken Doll" by Burl Barer was an excellent book. It kept me reading. I like this book because it showed justice. The man who committed the crime of raping and beating an innocent little girl was put to justice. He was punished for what he did, and will possible be executed. The way he should be punished for what he did.
In summary "Broken Doll" was about a sick and twisted man who raped and killed an innocent little girl for his own pleasures. His name was Richard M. Clark. He raped and killed seven yr old Roxanne Doll. A bright-eyed seven year old that had a brilliant future ahead of her. (All taken away from her by a man who didn't care) Richard M. Clark was sentence to the death penalty, and life in the Washington state penetration.
I recommend this book for those who love to read stories about rape victims.
Those who love to read books, but can read books that might be a little disturbing. This book is a true story, it may get to some of you but it a great book and I would recommend you to read this wonderful book that puts a man where he belongs.
Book Description
Rebuilding the broken bond for the child with Reactive Attachment Disorderby Nancy ThomasAs both a mother and a therapeutic parenting specialist, Nancy Thomas shares 20 years of experience in working with high-risk, unattached children who are unable to trust other people. A witty, straightforward approach for birth parents, foster and adoptive parents, and professionals.
Customer Reviews:
Help is finally here!.......2007-05-11
As a parent of an adopted son at age 2, I dismissed a lot of his actions as typical boy until at age 5 when it escalated into rage and hatred toward me and my husband. We have no idea how to deal with this and what an appropriate response should be. Nancy Thomas helps to provide an appropriate response based upon what a RAD child needs with insight and humor. I will listen to the tapes again and again.
Horrific Parenting Advice.......2006-06-25
Nancy Thomas is the foremost promoter of "Attachment Therapy" parenting methods. In 2006, the American Psychological Association endorsed a task force report that called for use of these parenting methods to be investigated as "suspected child abuse." Here's a quote from "Healing Trust" that demonstrates Thomas' disturbing approach to parenting:
"If you don't know if a parent's a really awesome parent or not, we have a little test. You look at the child. If the child has their head and their arms and legs still attached, that's it! It's an awesome mom, an awesome dad. And you know, it's just proof right there. Because if they weren't an awesome mom and dad, they would have ripped the child's head off by now, or at least an arm, you know. So if the child is still intact bodily, great folks, great folks."
Where do I get the next cassette??.......2001-05-28
I have ordered, read, and studied RAD for 2 years, after having a daughter, adopted from Russia at age 14 who has this. This author made cassettes that were easy to listen to, funny and lighthearted at times, yet very informative. My husband, who will read nothing, even listened to them. I didn't have to nag, either! He want's to know what the dad is supposed to do with these children... the tape focuses on the mom. To follow her advice, you could not be a working mom, however. We are ready for tapes #3 and #4!
A very uplifting book for parents of children with RAD........1999-03-15
At last someone who validates your feelings and what you've been going through with your RAD child. A must hear, audio book for any person looking into adoption or has already adopted. Nancy takes you through steps to help build a loving relationship with your child. The book helps you to laugh, when all you want to do is cry. Nancy puts hope in a heart that has experienced hopelessness. She explains the loss felt by the child when the maternal-child bond is broken. She explains the childs intense rage. Most of all she lets you know that there is hope. It's not easy, it's a long hard fight, but to see the promise that you know was in your child start to unfold is worth it. Nancys no nonsense approach has helped me to connect with my adopted son. A dream that I was beginning to beleive I'd never experience.
Books:
- A History of Greece (Works in Ancient Philosophy)
- A Lean guide to Transforming Healthcare: How to Implement Lean Principles in Hospitals, Medical Offices, Clinics, and Other Healthcare Organizations
- Against All Odds: My Story
- America's Wilderness: The Photographs of Ansel Adams
- American Politics and the African American Quest for Universal Freedom (3rd Edition)
- Andy Goldsworthy: A Collaboration with Nature
- Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life
- Apollo Moon Missions: The Unsung Heroes
- Applying UML and Patterns: An Introduction to Object-Oriented Analysis and Design and Iterative Development (3rd Edition)
- Austen's Unbecoming Conjunctions: Subversive Laughter, Embodied History
Books Index
Books Home
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The Bereaved Parent
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