Book Description
Is there really such a thing as a “good divorce”? Determined to uncover the truth, Elizabeth Marquardt—herself a child of divorce—conducted, with Professor Norval Glenn, a pioneering national study of children of divorce, surveying 1,500 young adults from both divorced and intact families between 2001 and 2003. In Between Two Worlds, she weaves the findings of that study together with powerful, unsentimental stories of the childhoods of young people from divorced families.
The hard truth, she says, is that while divorce is sometimes necessary, even amicable divorces sow lasting inner conflict in the lives of children. When a family breaks in two, children who stay in touch with both parents must travel between two worlds, trying alone to reconcile their parents’ often strikingly different beliefs, values, and ways of living. Authoritative, beautifully written, and alive with the voices of men and women whose lives were changed by divorce, Marquardt’s book is essential reading for anyone who grew up “between two worlds.”
“Makes a persuasive case against the culture of casual divorce.”
—Washington Post
“A poignant narrative of her own experience . . . Marquardt says she and other young adults who grew up in the divorce explosion of the 1970s and 1980s are still dealing with wounds that they could never talk about with their parents.”—Chicago Tribune
Customer Reviews:
What the heck are we doing to our children?.......2007-04-30
In "Between Two Worlds" Marquardt, explores the consequences of divorce for children. Marquardt herself was the child of divorce, and it left her caught between two houses and feeling safe nowhere.
The statistics show the changes over the last 50 years. A huge increase in divorce and single parenthood is matched by a huge increase in drug abuse, sexual abuse, school difficulties, and emotional problems for our children.
And yet for 50 years, there have been cheery idiot articles and books about how to manage a "good" divorce. But as Marquardt shows, there are no good divorces for children.
Worse, there doesn't seem to be any easy way to repair the damage. Remarriage, statistically,is tied to an even higher number of problems than mere divorce. It does not replace the first marriage. A raft of grim statistics show just how badly most children fare in blended families. Very few ever feel attached to the new parent, very few ever do well in school again, very few go on to lead happy lives. And the statistics on those who are sexually and emotionally abused in blended families is incredible.
We have harmed our children and therefore we have harmed the future.
The damning legacy of divorce.......2007-04-19
Since the 1960s, the Western world has embarked upon a novel and large scale social experiment: the demolition of marriage and the elevation of divorce. Never before in the West have so many marriages ended in divorce, and so many children been forced to endure the horrors of parental separation.
This seismic shift in marriage is as new as it is far-reaching. And because it is so recent, it has only been in the past few years that an entire generation of kids who have lived through divorce have grown up and are able to give their version of events.
And that story is uniformly damning: divorce hurts children, and it hurts them deeply and in a myriad of ways. And that hurt continues throughout adult life. Another clear message coming from the these children is that there is no such thing as a "good divorce".
Sure, in some cases divorce is the only option. But in the overwhelming majority of cases, divorce need not have been the option, and children of divorce desperately wished it did not happen. In truth, children of divorce "typically experience painful loses, moral confusion, spiritual suffering, strained or broken relationships, and higher rates of all kinds of social problems". Their world, in other words, is turned upside-down.
Marquardt argues that while divorce is a way for adults to cope with their problems, it is not in the best interests of the child in most cases. Allowing for certain obvious exceptions, most difficult marriages can be remedied if the parents are willing to work at it. Indeed, most marriages that end in divorce - two-thirds of them - are low-conflict. Children do not benefit from parental divorce. Indeed, "the best possible outcome for children is to live in one home with their mother and father".
And Marquardt has double reason to make these claims. One, she is herself the child of a divorce. And two, she has based her conclusions on a pioneering study of 1,500 young adults from both intact and divorced families. The study, conducted by her and sociologist Norval Glenn, have simply verified what most people know by common sense: divorce has numerous negative consequences for children, and many of those consequences stay with them for the rest of their lives.
This book examines in detail these findings. The actual facts and figures are there, but so too are numerous personal testimonies of those involved in the study. They put a human face on to the statistical data. And the face seen is a sad one indeed. Divorce impacts children profoundly, and the stories told here are tragic and moving.
The three year study made many disturbing discoveries. Meaty chapters explore the various negative outcomes for children of divorce. Consider just one area: the divided self of the child of divorce. The child is ripped out of a cohesive and unified environment (even where conflict takes place) and "suddenly inherits two distinct worlds in which to grow up".
Says Marquardt, every marriage experiences conflict, but there is an underlying cohesion and solidarity to the marriage which is radically destroyed by divorce. In marriage two individuals "become one flesh," but in divorce the parents are separated and become two people again. And the child - quite unprepared - is forced to deal with this new reality.
Adds Marquardt, "after a divorce the task that once belonged to the parents - to make sense of their different worlds - becomes the child's. The grown-ups can no longer manage the challenge, so the child is asked to try." But that is an adult responsibility which young children just cannot carry, a burden they cannot - and should not - bear.
As a result, children of divorce are much more likely than children of intact families to experience "confusion, isolation, and suffering". They are forced to become little adults. Their childhood is ripped away from them, and they are forced to grow up way too soon.
In an intact family, the children are the centre, the nucleus, and the parents work to protect them and nurture them. But after divorce, the two parents themselves become the centre, and children are left to fend for themselves.
In effect, adults start acting like children while the child is forced to act like an adult. That is an intolerable weight for any child to have to carry. And on it goes for the child of divorce. One painful chapter after another highlights the tremendous pressures and strains foisted upon the child of divorce, and the long-term wounds they cause.
Marquardt makes it clear that not every divorce is bad, and that she is not trying to argue that divorced parents are bad people. But she does insist that divorce is primarily about adults and their needs, and almost never about children and their needs. Very few have asked how divorce impacts the children involved.
This book makes it quite clear that children are overwhelmingly losers in divorce. There is very little good at all that children receive from parental divorce. The radical restructuring of a child's world after divorce should be our main consideration. But in most cases it is not.
Our world has been transformed from being a marriage-culture to a divorce-culture. Perhaps it is time that we became a child-friendly-culture. As Marquardt says, "we need to make sweeping changes to our thinking about marriage". And this book is a great place to begin with such a rethink.
Dead on accurate.......2007-04-17
As a child of the "ideal" divorce I think anyone considering a divorce should read this book first. This dose of reality will hopefully motivate them to seriously overhaul their broken relationships with their spouses and avoid spreading the misery. If that is impossible, as in cases of adultery or abuse, it will at least help them understand what their children are really experiencing.
Without turning this into a therapy session, I will say I was that kid. My parents divorced for legitimate reasons when my brother was a toddler and I was an infant. After the divorce both camps were genuinely cooperative and positive about each other. At 33 years old I still experience the ripple effect.
My husband is the only person I ever discussed my parents' divorce with. He read a review and a few quotes from this book and he said it was eerie how the author said almost word for word things I have said to him. He suggested I get it and read it.
Between Two Worlds is dead on accurate. I was stunned reading a book that a total stranger seemed to have written about my inner life. I have never ever in the first 20 years of my life spoken of any of it aloud, and yet my heart and mind were there in black and white right in front of me. It felt almost surreal.
Be warned children of divorce-this is not a book to read in a low place in your life or just before the holidays. When you do read it, loan it someone who loves you and can hear difficult and uncomfortable things from you without trying to tell you how you should feel. That's part of the problem. We've been told how to feel for so long by society that society may not know how to hear us.
Spouses of children of divorce would really benefit from reading this book. So many different issues are covered so thoroughly in ways a child of divorce just can't or won't articulate.
There is little discussion of the legacy of divorce in the marriages of adult children of divorce and none of how being a child of divorce affects you as a parent, but being a mom, I suspect we would find some patterns if we looked. The focus is primarily on the childhood years.
Maybe the ripple effect will be explored in the next book by the author.
The only gap in this book is probably because of the age difference between the author and her sibling. I have noticed that in some cases sibling bonds tighten after divorce in ways that other sibling relationships don't. My brother and I have that experience. That wasn't explored in this book.
A valuable resource.......2007-04-12
The important thing his book addresses is the idea of values. What values do our children acquire in a divorce? Afterward, they live in different houses, with different rules, different patterns, and pick up different values. Ms. Marquardt compares and contrasts life in an intact home and a divorced home through that lens. In an intact family, if the parents disagree about a choice of action, the kids see the disagreement and reasoning behind the choices, but there is only one course of action. Parents resolve the issue and from that choice, kids learn a value. In the two divorced homes, each parent chooses to do whatever they want to do. Kids are forced to evaluate all of the information, much like adults do, with little guidance. As a result, they don't learn values that are based on morals, they learn to get by.
It is unfair to children to push them into handling things like adults when they don't have the life experience that will help them figure things out.
Ms. Marquardt also makes clear that the mantra "a good divorce" is only good for the adults who are now free to pursue whatever they wish: a new lover, a new job, a new life. It is not good for kids. Kids end up acting the way they think parents want them to act. Many kids internalize the split and are guilty about it. No matter how much we tell them that they didn't cause the split, they still miss having two parents and internalize that.
I bought this book for my ex, a child of divorce, and she said that both she and her new husband, also a child of divorce, could identify with the behavior patterns Ms. Marquardt lays out. Here's to hoping that I can keep my kids from repeating the patterns of their mother.
Powerful and challenging - must read for parents and children of divorce.......2007-01-16
What a powerful and poignant book about the effects of divorce on children. In a culture that has bought the lie that divorce doesn't have significant adverse effects on children, Marquardt begs to differ; and not only with the facts of her own personal experience, but based on her cutting-edge research of the subject. Marquardt begins the book stating what is obvious to all children of divorce, but is often overlooked by so many others - that while divorce is perceived by most to be an ending (the end of a marriage relationship), from the child's perspective, it is the beginning of a life-long struggle for security, meaning, identity and wholeness. Even in the so-called "good divorces" where there is little conflict between the parents and the child is able to remain in contact with both parents following the divorce, Marquardt raises several powerful concerns from the child's perspective. Regardless of the proverbial "good" or "bad" divorce, every child is faced with a new reality - two parents, two homes, two different and often conflicting worlds. And the child, most often, is left to deal with their feelings, with their anger, with their questions alone.
Building on the revolutionary research of Judith Wallerstein (The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study), Marquardt echoes the concerns that divorce has far more significant and lasting effects on children than previously realized or recognized. While in college, I actually took a course based on the research of Wallerstein and this issue has been very interesting to me and became much more real when, at age 26, my parents divorced. Working with students today, I can see so many of the powerful and damaging effects of divorce on their lives. As Marquardt points out in her book, children of divorce are often lonely, confused, angry, and tired of having to live two completely different lives to survive in two separate worlds created by each parent. Marquardt also notes, and from personal experience I can echo her words, that children deal with the effects of divorce long after the actual incident - it affects their own marriage, their vacations and holidays, and their sense of wholeness and security long into their adult lives.
While Marquardt is clear that her intent is not to make divorced parents feel burdened, this is a heavy and profound book for every parent who is divorced (and might be good medicine for any parent thinking about divorce). But while that secondary effect may or may not exist, the book is aimed at the children of divorce themselves and the divorce-permissive culture in which they live. Marquardt shares her heart and experiences to give strength and wisdom to others, like her, caught between the two worlds created by divorce. And she challenges the culture at large to honestly examine the concept of marriage and the handling of divorce considering the perspective of what might be best for the interests of the children, not just the rights of the parents.
Between Two Worlds is a powerful book and would be an excellent read for anyone, but will be especially meaningful for those who are children of a divorced family or the parents themselves. The lie that children are resilient and will easily adapt to the new realities created by divorce are not found in the research and are definitely not born out in the personal testimonies and experiences of Marquardt and others she studied. Divorced parents would be wise to read this book and change their approach to the parenting of their children.
Book Description
This is the story of the Hopi woman who chose in her early youth to live in the white man�s world. She became known as Elizabeth Q. White. Born at Old Oraibi, Arizona, she was of the first Hopi children to be educated in white schools. Later she was the first Hopi to become a teacher in those schools. Here her biographer records Qoyowayma�s break with the traditions of her people and her struggle to gain acceptance for her radical teaching methods.
Throughout her life this remarkable woman has held to the best in Hopi culture and has fought to maintain it in the lives of her students. Her story, rich in information on Hopi legend and ceremony, is a moving introduction to the Hopi way of life.
Biography of a Hopi Indian woman and her career as an educator.
Customer Reviews:
Indian Autobiography in Novel Form.......2001-04-12
This book provides the life account of a Hopi woman who chose to privilege the white American way of life over her own Native ancestry and tradition and the struggles--both internal and external--resulting from this choice. Polingaysi Qoyawayma (or Elizabeth Q. White), unlike many other Native Americans, deliberately chose to attend both local schools and boarding schools run by white Christian missionaries. While she does recount atrocities committed by these white missionaries against Native children--one example would be the child who had an eraser shoved into her mouth for disobedience--Qoyawayma tells these incidents with an astonishing detachment. She makes no judgements on the whites who perpetrated such offenses.
Indeed, the whole book is written in a third person, novelistic style. That is, she doesn't say "I did this" or "I said that" but rather, "SHE said this" or "SHE did that." This seems more than a little odd, considering that this book is autobiography--a life story told by the person who lived it. One cannot help but wonder if this odd novelistic style isn't a reflection of Qoyawayma's own ambivalence about the choice she made to follow white Eurowestern education instead of her own Hopi traditional way of life. This is, however, mere speculation. While Qoyawayma was an educated person, she chose to collaborate with a white woman writer, Vada F. Carlson, to produce this book. Perhaps the third person style was chosen by the collaborator and not Qoyawayma herself. Still, one must assume that Qoyawayma had final say over the content and style of the book.
It is interesting to speculate about the thoughts that went into the writing of this text because her own people, the Hopi, did accuse Qoyawayma of wanting to be "white." In an odd way, she did "become white" because she married a white man whose last name was White.
The book is worth reading because it provides another perspective on the lives of those Native peoples who were, as the title of this book states, "In Two Worlds."
Average customer rating:
|
Inside Outside: Life Between Two Worlds (Imprint Lives)
A. P. Riemer
Manufacturer: Harpercollins
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
 General
| Biographies & Memoirs
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Historical
| Biographies & Memoirs
| Subjects
| Books
Jewish
| Ethnic & National
| Biographies & Memoirs
| Subjects
| Books
Australia
| Australia & Oceania
| History
| Subjects
| Books
Hungary
| Europe
| History
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Jewish
| World
| History
| Subjects
| Books
British
| World Literature
| Literature & Fiction
| Subjects
| Books
| 18th Century
| 19th Century
| 20th Century
| Classics
| Contemporary
| General
| Historical
| Humor
| Letters & Correspondence
| Middle
| Old
| Poetry
| Renaissance
| Shakespeare
| Short Stories
ASIN: 0207173982 |
Average customer rating:
|
Two Lives of St. Cuthbert
Manufacturer: Cambridge University Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
General
| Biographies & Memoirs
| Subjects
| Books
General
| World
| History
| Subjects
| Books
General
| England
| Europe
| History
| Subjects
| Books
Saints
| Catholicism
| Christianity
| Religion & Spirituality
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Religion & Spirituality
| Subjects
| Books
History
| Religious Studies
| Religion & Spirituality
| Subjects
| Books
All Titles
| Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007
| Stores
| Books
ASIN: 0521313856 |
Book Description
These two complementary lives of Cuthbert illuminate both the secular history of the golden age of Northumbria and the historic shift from Celtic to Roman ecclesiastical practice which took place after the Synod of Whitby. Cuthbert was very much in the Irish monastic tradition. He adopted Roman usages, becoming prior and eventually bishop of Lindisfarne, but the essential nature of his commitment changed little and he lived for much of his later life as a hermit on the island of Farne, with the birds as his only companions. The two lives make an interesting contrast: the earlier, anonymous Life of 698–705 is clear, concise and rich in Lindisfarne tradition, viewing Cuthbert as no more than the great saint of his own house. Bede’s prose Life of 721, however, is polished, literary, more than twice as long and altogether more didactic; treating Cuthbert as a model from which to draw lessons about how to be a perfect bishop and monk. Taken together, the lives vividly evoke the character of a remarkable churchman and provide a compelling picture of early monastic life.
Average customer rating:
|
Do We Live In Two Worlds?: Reconciling Science and God
Robert Greenough
Manufacturer: Proctor Publications
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
General
| Philosophy
| Nonfiction
| Subjects
| Books
Philosophy
| Theology
| Christianity
| Religion & Spirituality
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Medicine
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Neurology
| Internal Medicine
| Medicine
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Neurology
| Internal Medicine
| Medicine
| Medical
| Professional & Technical
| Subjects
| Books
Multiple Sclerosis
| Disorders & Diseases
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
ASIN: 1928623166
Release Date: 2002-10-07 |
Book Description
Why do we exist and how did we get here in life? This extraordinary book should be read and thoughfully comprehended by every science-minded person, spiritual-inquiring, and all others who seek an answer.
Average customer rating:
- Five stars
- A balanced review of the Middle Kingdom.
- Excellent read! Insightful look at major historical events.
- terrific - Mike Chinoy has another fan
- Excellent
|
China Live: Two Decades in the Heart of the Dragon
Mike Chinoy
Manufacturer: Turner Pub
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
General
| World
| History
| Subjects
| Books
General
| China
| Asia
| History
| Subjects
| Books
ASIN: 1570364044 |
Customer Reviews:
Five stars.......2004-10-13
I have always imagined that foreign correspondents live more exciting lives than the rest of us, so I read Mike Chinoy's "China Live" to see a glimpse of the truth. Upon reading "China Live," I was pleased with to obtain an inspiring and balanced account of the career path of CNN's first Beijing Bureau Chief. As a journalist, Chinoy was crafty, dedicated, and intrepid. As trite as it may sound, his book leaves you with the feeling that you can go on to achieve great things and leave a significant and lasting mark upon the world. It is especially suitable for sinophiles and aspiring journalists, but also recommended for anyone who enjoys to read.
A balanced review of the Middle Kingdom........1999-01-06
Mike Chinoy has done an excellent job of bringing to life a country that many people think they know so much about but in reality know so lillte about. China is a fascinating country. I spent six weeks there two years ago at a central bank conference so I studied the country in great detail. After my return I read Mike Chinoy's book and I feel it is a balanced account of the Middle Kingdom. Chinoy tells of his fascination with the country in the early days of U.S.-Sino relations. He details the changes that take place after the death of Mao Zadong and the economic changes through he leadership of Deng Xiopang. But his best reporting is the riveting account of June 4, 1989. This was Tiananmen Square and the brutal assault of the peaceful demonstrators. Chinoy was in the thick of the assault and he details his experiences not only on the night but also the next few days. All Chinese should read this book. Many Chinese think that the press has embellished what happened that night and that the government needed to restore order. Reading Chinoy's book may lead them to re-assess their governemnt's brutal policies. As a self-appointed Sinologist and one that has read many many articles and books on " Zhong guo" I would highly recommend this book. And some day I might get the opportunity to sit and talk with Mike Chinoy about his experiences in China.
Excellent read! Insightful look at major historical events........1998-09-10
I could not put this book down. Chinoy (a cousin of mine, but that bears no influence in my review) invites you into the past where you find yourself in the midst of major historical events. His writing is filled with sincere emotion, high-spirited wit and a true sense of the human struggle to be free from opression. The book also opens the door to the fast-paced and unpredictable life of the foreign correspondent and how that role in our society has changed and is changing. A truly insightful book that should make its way into high school history classes -- I would have actually stayed awake in class if we had had material like this.
terrific - Mike Chinoy has another fan.......1998-07-02
This is an absolutely delightful book. It makes the perfect gift for anyone interested in Chinese affairs providing remarkable insight. I was devastated to read the irresponsible inaccuracies in China Wakes by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn. Theirs was a China written in the tradition of Ugly Americans who stay at the Palace Hotel for one week complaining about the lack of ice for their Coke. I vowed that I would never ever read another book on China written by American journalists. Luckily, I was given Mike Chinoy's book by a friend. Absolutely brilliant!
Excellent.......1998-06-08
This is one of the better books on China that I've read. I lived in Beijing for two years, and feel that, unlike Kristoff and Dunn in China Wakes, Mike Chinoy really understands China and what makes this most mysterious country tick. And like Jan Wong in Red China Blues, he goes through a transition of being gung-ho on Maoism to seeing the reality of the situation in China. This is one of the things that makes both books so believable. As I am a journalist, I also can appreciate the red tape he went through to get the story out. Chinoy also does an excellent job of describing the Tian'anmen massacre -- one of the better descriptions I've read. I really recommend this book. It's excellent!
Books:
- Bold Moves: Jump to Outstanding Self-Managed Action!
- C++ Network Programming, Vol. 1: Mastering Complexity with ACE and Patterns
- Candida Albican Yeast-Free Cookbook, The : How Good Nutrition Can Help Fight the Epidemic of Yeast-Related Diseases
- Chances of a Lifetime
- Clueless George Goes to War
- Conscience of a Conservative
- Conservatives Without Conscience
- Cuban Death-Lift
- Death of a Red Heroine
- Debunking 9/11 Myths: Why Conspiracy Theories Can't Stand Up to the Facts
Books Index
Books Home
Recommended Books
- History: Fiction or Science
- The South Beach Diet Good Fats/Good Carbs Guide
- Our Arcadia: An American Watercolor
- Telling the Truth About History
- The Art of The Two Towers
- The Intention Experiment: Using Your Thoughts to Change Your Life and the World
- The South Beach Diet Quick and Easy Cookbook: 200 Delicious Recipes Ready in 30 Minutes or Less
- Michael Landon's Legacy: 7 Keys to Supercharging Your Life
- Management, Work and Welfare in Western Europe: A Historical and Contemporary Analysis
- AGREEMENT BETWEEN THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND AND THE
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study
The Love They Lost: Living with the Legacy of Our Parents' Divorce
Adult Children of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents' Breakup and Enjoy Love, Trust, and Intimacy
Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way
Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust
