Book Description
Over 80,000 Jewish adults suffer unnecessary stress and anguish each year. Why? They are planning their 40,000 Jewish children's Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties. Part of the planning includes the all-important Candle Lighting Ceremony. It is this ceremony that is a major source of tremendous stress - creating the poems to be recited by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child while calling honored guests up to light candles.
Of course, many books have been written about the Bar Mitzvah, from service to celebration. Some even refer to the Candle Lighting Ceremony, but none include poems for the child to recite. This is the first book published with already written, ready to use poems. Included are poems for:
memorial, welcome, grandparents, aunts and uncles, generic family, gentile relatives, absent guests, family friends, child's friends, siblings, parents, parent to child and good luck candles. Written in a humorous tone, "This one's for you" literally walks parents through the entire Candle Lighting Ceremony from "Who to do we ask?" to "The Big Blow Out." It covers every nerve-wracking detail of the entire ceremony. It even has printed worksheets to make the whole selection/preparation process easy.
Customer Reviews:
So unexpectedly helpful!.......2006-08-11
I was given a quote of $350 to have my son's candle lighting ceremony written for us. We were blown away!! Such a lot of money. So we heard about this book and took a chance hoping it would help us. WE LOVED IT!. It was perfect for us. Together we sat down with our son and in one evening created the perfect ceremony. Thank you Author. We will recommend it to our friends that are also doing the Bar Mitzvah circut now.
Worth every penny.......2006-03-22
This book helped make our candle lighting ceremony memorable. I wanted to write my own personalized poems for each special person who we wanted to light a candle and this book was the answer. Using the guidance provided by the book, I was able to write very special poems. I highly recommend this book for anyone wanting to write their own candlelighting poems!!!!!!!!!!!!
Came Just in Time.......2006-01-25
This is a great book that helped my daughter and wife to prepare for the candle lighting ceremony at my daughter's Bat Mitzvah. We receive the book in just 2 days and overnight they wrote the whole ceremony. We were very impressed.
Bar Mitzvah poems for the poetically challenged.......2005-08-20
I was a little shocked by the price, especially given that the book is more of a bound "booklet". However, for the poetically challenged and stressed out mom of a Bar Mitzvah to be, I was able to easily create the poems with some help and input from my son. So, my conclusion ... it was money well spent.
GREAT HELP FOR US.......2005-07-12
This book really helped make it easier for us to write our son's candle lighting ceremony. The poems were wonderfully funny and sentimental. Everyone loved them! Being our first Bar Mitzvah, the author's directions made it very easy for us to understand the whole procedure.
We would recommend this book to anyone having a Bar/Bat Mitzvah and concerned over creating the candle lighting cereomy.
WE LOVED IT and gave it to our friends who are having an affair soon.
Book Description
An indispensable, modern-day guide to planning the perfect bar or bat mitzvah, celebrating substance and style
There used to be only two approaches to the bar or bat mitzvah party -- a low-key event that reflects the solemnity of this sacred rite of passage or a big bash that has no connection to the religious service. For many, it was an impossible dilemma. Will a big bash trivialize and overshadow the bar or bat mitzvah experience? Will too much spirituality suck the life out of an otherwise fabulous party?
MitzvahChic is the first book that proves that if you want a truly amazing experience, you can and must have it all! Blending meaningful Jewish elements with high-style contemporary party planning, this inspiring and useful guide will show you how to have the ultimate bar or bat mitzvah -- a profoundly moving service followed by an unforgettable party. The MitzvahChic approach also shows how to honor your child in a big way, rather than reducing him or her to an overused pop culture theme or a single cliché: He's into baseball! She loves horses!
This must-have guide gives advice on the major decisions, the basics of the service, and the party details that really matter. It also features:
- A complete guide to the Torah, including dates and summaries of the portions and supplementary materials
- Eight complete, themed parties, including party favors, decorations, and photographs of sample tables
- A time line to help plan the bar or bat mitzvah up to two years ahead
- Instructions for being MitzvahChic on a budget
- Advice on how to include non-Jewish friends and family members in the ceremony
A practical guide to all things mitzvah from the Torah to the tablecloth, MitzvahChic will help create a beautiful, powerful, resonant, and unforgettable rite of passage.
Customer Reviews:
can get all this info on their website for free.......2007-10-08
I was disappointed with this book. The author makes a lot of suggestions but does not give concrete information for most of them. The section on decorating for a party was ridiculous. She tells you how she had three parties for her son for the price of one big party...to me it sounded like she spent as much on each party as I want to spend on just one party for my daughter. She seems a bit out of touch with reality. One thing that was unique and interesting about this book is that she describes the torah readings and gives you the dates that they will be read each year. With this information, you can try to schedule your child's bar or bat mitzvah around a torah portion that you find interesting. That is the main reason I gave this book 3 stars instead of 2. Save your money tho, all of this info can be had for free at [...]
Getting back to the Ritual.......2007-09-22
This was a great book. I don't feel so pressured now to have to put on such an elaborate show. We will make the Oneg a bit nicer than a typical oneg and have a Simcha Quilt(instead of candlelighting) during the oneg. Kids party at grandma's house with fun activities just for the Bar Mitzvah boy and his friends.
Spiritual Meaning to your Mitzvah.......2007-03-22
I loved this book!! As I started to plan this Bar Mitzvah I knew that I needed some guidance. I never imagined I would find so much perfect information in one book. The ideas on combining a truly a spiritual occasion with a terrific party were perfect. The way the ideas are presented makes so much sense. You'll love the easy to follow guidelines and suggestions. I can't tell you how many of the ideas actually made me get a lump in my throat! The book gives you a sense of confidence that even if you have never planned a party before - you can do this and really do it with meaning and fun. A must read!
Absolutely essential!.......2007-03-13
I'm so sorry that another reviewer didn't find this book helpful, because to me it was essential. It was the first B'nai Mitzvah book I bought and I was so glad I did. It opened my eyes to a lot of options that I wasn't aware of, and will, in the end, make our Bat Mitzvah so much more meaningful. I was unaware that you could select your mitzvah date based on Torah parsha. When I was younger, you were just given a date close to your birthday. The author of this book categorizes and explains each Torah portion for you. After reading them, I handed the book over to my daughter and said, "Find something that is meaningful to you." She read each section and picked one that she connected most with. We let her select her Bat Mitzvah date, and as a result, she is more aware and involved than most kids are at this point, and we are still at the very beginning of planning. She intends to carry the theme of her parsha into her mitzvah project, her D'var Torah, and her party. Did you know that you could twin with a child of the holocaust and honor him/her at your child's B'nai Mitzvah? Did you know that you could support a Jewish family in Ethiopia for one month, just by buying a tallit bag that they embroider? This is the kind of thing that is detailed in this book. Be forewarned: although this book does touch (briefly) on day vs. night affairs and selecting a venue, this is not a "how to make a hockey stick entrance way for my kid's hockey-theme Bar Mitzvah" book. MitzvahChic transcends that and looks deeper into the messages of the ceremony and how it fits in with your child's jewish coming-of-age. It then takes those messages and ultimately carries them through to themes and centerpieces, etc. for the party. Our copy of MitzvahChic has been lovingly highlighted, dog-eared and is always close at hand. I am so glad I found this valuable resource and feel that although we still have some time to go, that this book has already elevated my daughter's Bat Mitzvah into something very special.
Indispensible.......2007-02-20
I've been a committed and identified Jew all my life, and have raised my children joyfully in the tradition. Yet MitzvahChic taught me things I had never known -- about the ceremony itself and about our heritage. Even for people who are not planning a bar or bat mitzvah, this is a wonderful resource. Compact synopses of the Torah portions, suggestions for all kinds of mitzvot you can do, and even a section helping the non-Jewish family members feel welcome and up the learning curve. In fact, that last section has been a good one for many of my Jewish friends who didn't know much about Judaism's history or practices. This is a gem!
Book Description
The kids' companion to the award-winning Putting God on the Guest List: How to Claim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah -- Used as an inspiring part of bar/bat mitzvah preparation for parents in hundreds of congregations around the world.
Jewish youngsters and their parents need to turn inward at bar and bat mitzvah time and ask themselves these hard questions: "Why are we doing this? What does it all mean?"
At last, a guide especially for kids, to help them spiritually prepare for their bar/bat mitzvah. Explains the core spiritual values of Judaism to young people in a language they can understand. Questions at the end of each chapter engage kids and let them offer their own thoughts. A special section helps parents and kids find places to perform acts of tzedakah to honor the event.
Customer Reviews:
Emphasizes the spiritual meaning of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs.......2001-09-03
In the frenzy of preparing for the big day, it can be easy to lose the focus and meaning of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Many kids may wonder "What is this really all about? Why am I doing this?" This inspiring, clearly-written book urges kids to think about the deeper meaning of the ceremony and of being a Jew. The emphasis is on spirituality and being mindful of God's presence everyday. I especially liked the section with suggestions and resources for acts of tzedakah as well as little mitzvahs.
Great companion book for Kids.......2000-03-29
This version of Putting God on the Guest List is the perfect companion to the adult version. We liked it so much that we started a fund at our synagogue so that every child beginning the bar or bat mitzvah process receives a copy. In an era where the party has become more important than the ritual, this book help focus a child on the religious importance of his coming of age. A wonderful read.
Customer Reviews:
Post Bat Mitzvah Reader.......2007-03-01
I was given this book just 5 days before my bat mitzvah and instead of studying i read it constintly i couldn't put it down!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT WAS THE BEST BOOK I EVER READ
Three Mitzvahs.......2006-11-30
A book review by Aria Wexler
You Are so Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah is an outstanding novel written by Fiona Rosenbloom. The book is Rosenbloom's first and only book. Miss Rosenbloom writes the book in the perspective of a Jewish teenage girl's emotion as she becomes a young adult. Throughout the book Rosenbloom uses shorter sentences to get the point across. The protagonist of the book is Stacy Friedman. She is only asking God for a few things.
The, realistic fiction, book mainly focuses on a young girl growing up. It explains the emotions that Stacy has to go through with her parents divorce, a younger brother, her crush, and friendship. Just when Stacy thought that her mother and father would get back together she finds out her father has a girl friend, and she has to watch her mother suffer without a husband anymore. Stacy feels humiliated about her brother, Arthur, who is at least 20 pounds over weight and extremely intelligent. Stacy has a huge crush on Andy Goldfarb, but she just isn't sure if he likes her back. Most importantly Stacy ends up uttering the words that she has been dreading, and she ends up saying it to someone very close in her life. She screams at them "You are so not invited to my Bat Mitzvah!"
Since Stacy is planning and studying for her bat mitzvah, a Jewish ceremony of coming of age, she needs to meat with the Rabbi. After talking with Stacy he fills that it would help her to do 3 Mitzvah projects, (community service work) before her bat mitzvah. Stacy struggles with the mitzvahs (good deeds) she chooses to do. The day before her bat Mitzvah she feels like she has done three failed mitzvah projects. In the end do Stacy's Mitzvah's finally work out or has she completely failed?
I would give this book two Thumbs up! Through Stacy Friedman's thoughts, feelings, and personal experiences Fiona Rosenbloom has made the book inspiring throughout. The book was a real cliff hanger! I highly recommend this book for especially girls ages 11-15. You don't need to be Jewish to read and relate to this spectacular book
Number of pages: 190
You Are SO Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah.......2006-05-08
I just turned thirteen years old and my bat mitzvah is in four weeks. I started to get nervous and my mom noticed. She bought this book for me to read thinking it would help me. I read the whole book in two days. When i first opened the book i expected a novel about the preperation a twelve year old girl had to do until her bat mitzvah, but with a twist of humor. Instead, i got just the twist of humor and not as much of the religious concept. I was really hoping this book would ease my nerves about my upcoming bat mitzvah, but instead it just gave me a good laugh. I would recommmend this book to most people because you dont actually have to have knowledge of the jewish religion to read this. But if your looking for help with YOUR bat mitzvah, this is not the best book to turn to.
great if you have a bat mitzvah?.......2006-04-03
I thought this book was going to be about some rich girls bat mitzvah. i also thought that it was going to be good for girls that have had or is going to have a bat mitzvah. i was like oo i am going to love this book. i was totally wrong though. i thought it was really enjoyable to read though. i read it in just 2 days!! this book is more like a book about friendship. it is kind of typical story for a girls life (if you and your friends are really dramatic). I think girls whose friends and them have a lot of drama going on in their life will love this book! Even if not you will like it. this is a great beach read, it is a page turner!! oh and if you didnt catch on you do not have to be jewish to read this book i think.
A wide audience, even non-Jewish readers, will appreciate Stacy's realistic dilemmas.......2006-02-13
Fiona Rosenbloom's You Are So Not Invited To My Bat Mitzvah! (0786856165, $15.99) is both hilarious and revealing, telling of one Stacy Friedman, getting ready for the highlight of her life, her bat mitzvah. She plans for success, friendships and romance, but when she struggles with her mother's idea of fashion, difficulty with the mitzvahs, and conflicts, her bat mitzvah begins to look like more of a disaster than a success. A wide audience, even non-Jewish readers, will appreciate Stacy's realistic dilemmas.
Customer Reviews:
Humorous and Informative.......2001-03-06
This book has loads of information and is very easy to read. The author uses humor to emphasize pertinent information. You will enjoy reading the entire book, even the sections that don't pertain to the Bar Mitzvah you are planning. Well worth the time to read.
Book Description
The expanded, updated, revised edition of today s most influential book (over 35,000 copies of the first edition in print) about finding core spiritual values in American Jewrys most misunderstood ceremony. Joining explanation, instruction, and inspiration to help parent and child, it offers new insights into bar and bat mitzvah s origins, new ways for non-Jewish parents to participate in their childs barmitzvah ceremony, new resources, and much more. How did bar and bat mitzvah originate? What are the ethics of celebration? How to make the event more spiritually meaningful! An important update to the winner of the 1993 Benjamin Franklin Award for the Best Religion Book published in the United States. A portion of all sales of
Putting God on the Guest List is donated by the publisher to MAZON, a Jewish Response to Hunger
Customer Reviews:
Putting God on the Guest List:: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah by Jeffrey K. Salkin.......2007-07-23
I found this book to be very useful.
I particularly liked the section on mitzvahs (usually translated as "good deeds" and literally "commandments") in the ceremony itself. This was especially relevant to me as I volunteered on my shul's environmental committee. My child volunteered at an animal shelter and his Torah portion had to do with the ten plagues which he related to modern day ills such as pollution, clearing of forests, global warming, animals on the brink of extinction such as polar bears and so on. This book inspired me to make a tallit (prayer shawl)for him from fabric made of reclaimed wood, with designs incorporating trees, water, stars and sailboats. Growing up, our family did not attend a synagogue but stayed close to nature by sailing.
Also, much thought was given to the party afterwards as a result of this book - location was accessible to walkers as well as those who use public transportation or are physically challenged, carpools were set up, Kosher fair trade coffee was served, vegetarian food was served (even the carnivores liked it), tried to obtain local produce (try that in winter in New Jersey!), recycled/recyclable paper/plastic ware ware was used - then recycled again, decorations on the table consisted of framed certificates re donations to Jewish National Fund planting trees in Israel, leftover food was donated to local food pantry serving homeless and so on...
One issue is that our family is an intermarried family with me being a somewhat secular Jew and my husband evolving into an atheist who was raised as a Catholic. He had trouble with the title having "God" in it.
However, we both agree on "Jewish" values which are common to many cultures not just Jews: caring for the environment, kindness, compassion, helping fellow humans by visiting the sick/elderly, helping animals, eating with consciousness and so forth.
The book has chapters dealing with how to incorporate these values into the whole event - before, during and after.
I would recommend this book to anyone or any family, regardless of Jewish denomination: secular, reform, reconstructionist, Conservative, Orthodox, COnservadox, Modern Orthodox, unaffiliated, Secular Humanist, interfaith, intermarried, other...
I think the book takes the approach that the young person is stepping through to young adulthood and it is a process to grow up and become a "good" person or Jew - perhaps it can be a lifelong event. The book seeks to make the occasion mindful of good deeds.
By the way, "God" has many different meanings depending on who one speaks to...
I did like the way Salkin addresses the "God" issue and skeptical children (you'll just have to read it yourself with an open mind...).
I just gave the book four stars due to "God" in the title which was a turnoff if one doesn't open the book and read it if the potential reader is not from a traditional background.
The book covers all angles - relationship of bar or bat mitvah child to self, family, friends, community, humanity, spirit...cynical or devout children.
My suggestion: read it cover to cover and discuss it then make judgments.
Seeking true values, not just an opportunity to party.......2001-02-18
There are any number of books which are designed to help you plan the logistics of a bar/bat mitzvah. This book's main purpose, however, is not to be a party planning guide. Instead, this book reaffirms the important commitment a bar/bat mitzvah makes to Judism. A party is fine but truly connecting with God, our people and our ancestors is what the experience is all about. The bar/bat mitzvah experience is explored in a very spiritual, meanful way but not necessarily from the orthodox standpoint. Indeed, the authors are non orthodox. I recommend this book to all who wish to make the bar/bat mitzvah a meaningful means to grow as a Jew rather than as an end in itself.
Excellent book-shows the true significance of bar/bat mitzva.......1999-09-22
This book should be read by every parent whose child is approaching bar/bat mitzvah. Too often, the significance of the occasion is lost in the "big party". This book focuses on what is important about the bar/bat mitzvah-about accepting responsibilities such as study and performing mitzvot, about the service and about keeping the celebration in perspective. It focuses on the spiritual as it should and helps pull away from the social aspects that often overwhelm the true meaning of bar/bat mitzvah.
Book Description
Make Your Own Bar/Bat Mitzvah is using and inspiring guide that takes you step-by-step through the process of creating a very personal and meaningful Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This book offers a joyful and effective planning process that will help you produce a coming of age ritual filled with innovative ideas and sound guidance. Rabbi Goldie Milgram provides an effective, exciting process to help you organize this experience to meet your needs, in particular your studies, mentors, service, Torah talk, party, gifts and expressions of appreciation. Pragmatic and inspiring, this ground-breaking work will help students, families and communities to create healthy and memorably happy bar/bat mitzvah experiences.
Rabbi Goldie Milgram is spearheading the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Institute Initiative, developed under a grant from the Nathan Cummings Foundation and focused upon creating more meaningful and effective ways of preparing students for bar/bat mitzvah. Author of Reclaiming Judaism as a Spiritual Practice: Holy Days and Shabbat, she is Founder and Executive Director of the non-profit educational research and training group, Pnai Yachadut and also runs the highly regarded web site family ReclaimingJudaism.org.
Reb Goldie Milgram is an extraordinary, creative, and wise teacher/mentor/guide/partner in the exploration of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process. She takes the reader on a multi-dimensioned journey to discover various meaningful traditions and rituals and, in turn, to express them into a spiritually significant celebration. This book is the Bar/Bat Mitzvah's equivalent to What Color Is Your Parachute.
-Peninnah Schram, author, Stories One Generation Tells to Another
Rabbi Goldie Milgram restores relevance and spirituality to the process of becoming bar/bat mitzvah. Her guidance is delivered with great wisdom and compassion. I highly recommend this work.
-David A Cooper, author of God is a Verb
Customer Reviews:
Wonderful guide for the upcoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah.......2007-08-08
My rabbi just lent me Rabbi Goldie's book, "Make your Own Bar/Bat Mitzvah," and I loved it. It is so in sync with what we are doing in our community and a perfect compliment to our program. I will be tutoring our B'nai Mitzvah kids this year and this book will be so helpful. I am going to make it required reading for the families. This book is a fabulous tool not only for the child in preparation for this coming of age rite of passage, but also a wonderful way to involve the entire family. Now I need to order Rabbi Goldie Milgram's other books.
No more cookie-cutter b'nai mitzvah.......2006-11-06
I take my Judaism seriously and wanted to be sure my son is getting the most out of his experience. This book freed our family from the bar mitzvah machine that our Temple has turned into and helped us come up with a bar mitzvah that is relevant to our Judaism. It is full of wonderful ideas - the only pitfall we keep coming to is keeping our "study sessions" of the schedule of things to do. Without having to make appointments, it's very easy to let things get pushed aside. I have already recommended this book to several of friends who are struggling with putting meaning into the process of bar/bat mitzvah prep.
a book that supports b mitzvahs as true rites of passage.......2006-01-12
Thank you Reb Goldie for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah book. I am delighted with it! At last a book that really supports the work I have been doing with B Mitzvah students toward making the whole process a true rite of passage and personal spiritual reflection.
Thanks so much!
Book Description
Why not make planning your child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah one of the happiest times in your life?Now thanks to this indispensable, all-inclusive guide, you can: Obtain complete information on how to plan the perfect Bar or Bat Mitzvah Save thousands of dollars and free yourself from worrisome details Be guided every step of the way, from the temple service to the reception to the seating arrangements Freel well organized and assured that no detail is overlooked, by using the handy countdown and checklists Receive tips, suggestions, and advice based on numerous personal experiences Use ann easy-to-follow method for recording invitations sent, responses received, gifts and thank-you notes Keep track of addresses, telephone numbers, appointments, costs, and decisions that need to be made Discover helpful hints for choosing your photographer, videographer, musicians, florists, decorator, entertainment, favors, invitations, and clothing Compare prices easily as you visit catererers, musicians, photographers, videographers, florists, printers, etc. Give this as a perfect gift to special friencs or relatives to help them plan an eventful day Relex and enjoy your day with everything going exactly the way you planned
Customer Reviews:
Planning organizer.......2007-09-22
This is a big planning organizer that you use to write in. If you are looking for a party planning bood this is not it. I am using it in conjunction with the"party" books.
There are better books available.......2006-08-28
This book is basically a party planner. It was probably useful before so many people were proficient with computer spreadsheets, like Excel. It provides space for lots of lists, which now would be much easier to keep on computer. Basically, technology has made this book obsolete.
There are descriptions of what to look for in a photographer, caterer, etc but they are pretty basic.
The one useful part of the book is a simple "countdown" calender - "Countdown to the Big Day," which lists all the major activities to be completed prior to the bar mitzvah.
I think you could do better with other books that cover the party AND the "mitzvah" aspects of a bar mitzvah.
Worthless.......2004-06-30
I found this book totally disappointing. The advice is obvious even to inexperienced party planners. (For example, in the chapter on invitations there is a section on ink color that states only: "There are many colors to consider.") Most of the book consists of lined pages for you to write your price comparisons for vendors, such as photographers. There are 20 pages lined for you to fill in guest addresses, with little boxes to check off if you have written a thank you note. My copy of this book is going straight into the recycling pile.
This Book is strictly for party planning.......2001-02-18
This book is basically a workbook in which you are directed to make lists etc for all the myriad aspects of planning a bar/bat mitzvah reception. You are guided to all the details you must take care of to make a successful reception. If you are looking for a book to explain the religious experience of the bar/bat mitzvah, this book is definitely not for you. If you wish to have a big reception, then this book fits the bill. If the book is useful to you, I hope you will spend at least equal time in preparing for the religious element of bar/bat mitzvah and use an excellent guide such as "Putting God on Your Guest List." My 4 star rating is based on the assumption that the reader wants a party planner only. If you want more, this book is not for you.
This Book is strictly for party planning.......2001-02-18
This book is basically a workbook in which you are directed to make lists etc for all the myriad aspects of planning a bar/bat mitzvah reception. You are guided to all the details you must take care of to make a successful reception. If you are looking for a book to explain the religious experience of the bar/bat mitzvah, this book is definitely not for you. If you wish to have a big reception, then this book fits the bill. If the book is useful to you, I hope you will spend at least equal time in preparing for the religious element of bar/bat mitzvah and use an excellent guide such as "Putting God on Your Guest List." My 4 star rating is based on the assumption that the reader wants a party planner only. If you want more, this book is not for you.
Book Description
A striking look at the Jewish rite-and at American Jews in all their diversity
Since its emergence here a century ago, the bar or bat mitzvah has become a distinctively American rite of passage, so much so that, in certain suburbs today, gentile families throw parties for their thirteen-year-olds, lest they feel left out. How did this come about? To answer that question, Mark Oppenheimer set out across America to attend the most distinctive b'nai mitzvah he could find, and Thirteen and a Day is the story of what he found- an altogether fresh look at American Jews today.
Beginning with the image of a party of gaudy excess, Oppenheimer then goes farther afield in the great tradition of literary journalists from Joseph Mitchell to Ian Frazier and Susan Orlean. The two dozen Jews of Fayetteville, Arkansas, he finds, open their synagogue to eccentrics from all over the Ozarks. Those of Lake Charles, Louisiana, pass the hat to cover the expenses of their potluck dinner. And in Anchorage, Alaska, a Hasidic boy's bar mitzvah in a snowed-in hotel becomes a striking image of how far the Jewish diaspora has spread. In these people's company, privy to their soul-searching about their religious heritage, Oppenheimer finds that the day is full of wonder and significance.
Part travelogue, part spiritual voyage, Thirteen and a Day is a lyrical, entertaining, even revelatory look at American Jews and one of the most original books of literary journalism to appear in some years.
Customer Reviews:
Today I am a fountain pen..........2006-09-27
Even though it's nominally about bar mitzvah celebrations, this book really uses them as a taking-off point to look at the state of Judaism in America today, from Temple Emanu-El to the Lubavitchers, with numerous stops in between. I had actually expected (with a mixture of anticipation and dread) that the book would be mostly about the over-the-top parties of the type we see in the recent movie Keeping Up With The Steins. Oppenheimer does discuss these affairs, but most of the book is about the personal Jewish experience in a variety of places around the country: I found the most interesting part to be the study of a tiny congregation in St. Charles, Louisiana. Highly readable, highly recommended.
A Kultural Kaleidoscope...........2006-01-18
Although it drags in places, especially the over-coverage of obscenely expensive keep-up-with-the-Cohens parties, it's mostly well written, interesting and thought provoking. One under-reported aspect, in my experience, is the role played by b'nai mitzvah in bringing together and maintaining the bonds of far-flung families. With 'living together' as common as marriage, and with low key ceremonies and elopements the frequent follow-through to 'living together', family get-togethers could be decades apart without the b'nai mitzvah events.
Almost as good as doing your own Bar Mitzvah.......2005-12-20
As a Jew who did not celebrate his Bar Mitzvah, I learned a vast amount from this visit to 10 Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrants, their families, friends and neighbors. There are truly wonderful human interest stories of Jews, non-Jews, erstwhile Jews, and Jewish converts from New York to Alaska, from youths to late middle-agers preparing for the big day. This volume reminded me of another recently published totally absorbing memoir (Shanda, the Making and Breaking of a Self-loathing Jew) by Neal Karlen; both authors tell of belatedly embracing their Jewish roots and finding inestimable rewards in Jewish culture and in devotion to religious observance. Extremely heart-warming and inspiring for those who have wandered away and are considering re-examining what Judaism has to offer.
First-rate and Very Readable.......2005-09-12
This is a first-rate survey of an established custom. The book goes through many varieties of bar and bat mitzvat, demonstrating that they are not all alike. It focuses on values and choices, so that a person planning a bar or bat mitzvah can reflect on the values that he or she wishes to convey to the bar or bat mitzvah and to the congregation at large. While it is highly readable -- and not at all boring -- it has a significant depth that educates and challenges preconceived notions. It should be read by all parents who contemplate a bar or bat mitzvah for their child. I have otdered additiional copies for other family members for this reason.
Finding Yourself by Finding Others.......2005-07-23
This wonderful book charts a double journey. It is a journalist's voyage through Jewish America, with Oppenheimer serving as a kind of traveling anthropologist who is examining an important religious ritual in its various manifestations. But it is also an autobiography, a coming-to-grips with roots, with the possibilities for religious belief, and a quasi-Oedipal rebellion against the author's frankly secular, modern, atheistic, non-observant, left-wing Jewish parents, who came of age in the 60s. Young Oppenheimer, a product of the 90s, came to look at the Jewish religion first in an academic way, and then was gradually drawn in to the mysteries and the doctrines of his people. By looking at the practice of the Bar and Bat Mitzvah in expected places (New York City) as well as unexpected ones (Alaska, Arkansas), Oppenheimer presents a full and generous (as well as a funny and informative) account of why people worship and believe as they do. The book makes sense for anyone involved in a similar personal quest, or for anyone interested in fine writing.
Book Description
Raised a born-again agnostic, Robin Chotzinoff had no interest in religion-and practically no experience in it- until she turned forty. When she suddenly discovered a belief in God, she had no idea what to do next.
In Holy Unexpected she describes her journey from a privileged New York childhood through years of unhappiness, drugs, and drift. She investigates what she believed in before she believed in God (the healing power of junk food, music, psychopharmacology), and how a happy marriage impelled her toward a higher power. When she discovers that Judaism embraces arguing with God, hot sex, and acts as opposed to beliefs, she embarks on a journey to reconstruct her Jewish heritage and forge a relationship with her faith.
Robin wrestles with the meaning of Torah, discovers how to keep the Sabbath and still go to Walmart for duct tape, and learns to pray while snowboarding. But her real education in the meaning of Judaism occurs as she rides the ups and downs of day-to-day life, and prepares both for her bat mitzvah and for her father's death.
Writing with enormous humor and intimacy, Chotzinoff takes readers on an unexpected religious journey lit by humor and grace.
Customer Reviews:
A great read by a fantastic author.......2006-12-23
If you have not yet read any of Chotzinoff's books, you should. She tells a serious story (religious transformation) with wit and makes any reader comfortable to read it. My father, like Robin's, is a 'devout atheist." I connected with this book. She writes about tracing her Jewish ancestry, watching her daughters and husband become Jewish, and watching her father die, all the while letting us in on her inner thoughts of why she is converting. She's humble about this journey and doesn't make the reader feel like they have to conform. But, by the end of it, you'll be leaning more towards Judaism than you were before.
Great book and smooth read.
Unsentimental Journey.......2006-12-03
Religious awakening as the basis of a memoir presents certain difficulties, particularly in our New Age world corrupted by trendy enlightenment and celebrity seers. But Robin Chotzinoff avoids any touchy-feely riffs in this witty, engaging account of how she, the product of a quirky and privileged yet ultimately dysfunctional upbringing in New York, embraced the spirituality underpinning her Jewish heritage. Her journey, punctuated by forays into sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll (not to mention binging on Oreos and the occasional obsessive romance), brings her to a synagogue in a Colorado mountain town, where first her daughter and then she adopt Judaism at their respective bat mitzvahs. Guided in her training by fellow author and congregant Joanne Greenberg ("I Never Promised You a Rose Garden"), whose practical wisdom is neatly juxtaposed with the wisecracks of Chotzinoff's ailing father (a onetime journalist and lifelong atheist and bon vivant), Chotzinoff delivers her tale of conversion in a funny, self-deprecating, yet thoroughly self-aware manner that takes faith off a pedestal and puts it -- where else? -- on the Sabbath table, in the conjugal bed, and, finally and triumphantly, in the author's weary yet resilient heart.
rite of passage.......2006-09-08
I disagree with the "tad tedious" review. I just finished this book and felt uplifted by Robin's honesty about her transitions through life. The book is well-written -- her ability to intertwine her struggle with her own identity and religous hunger with her dad's illness is amazing. I hope to read more books by her.
A TAD TEDIOUS..........2006-09-05
This is a book that, at times, was of some interest, but, overall, I found it to be a tad tedious. The author, who is half Jewish, as her father was Jewish while her mother was Christian, had a mid-life crisis that manifested itself in the desire to find her Jewish roots and lead a life with a religious bent. What she seemed to have done was simply substitute religion for the place that drugs used to have in her life, as religion seems to provide for her the panacea that makes her life worth living.
It is, however, the cultural aspects of Judaism that seem more of interest to her, rather than the actual religious ones. She forged ahead to discover her religious roots, and along her journey she carved out a niche for herself and her family, as they embraced Judaism. It strikes a note of irony that her teenage daughter, whom the author has inculcated in Judaism, seems interested in leading an othodox lifestyle. Yet, by the truly orthodox, she would not even be considered Jewish, as such a legacy is matrilineal, and the author's mother was not Jewish.
Some of the book is humorous, and the family member who is the most interesting is the author's father, as he was was quite a character. Those portions of the book in which he appears lack the tedium that occasionally plagues the author's writing. While the author writes reasonably well, her story is not a particularly compelling one. Consequently, the book tends to flatline a bit, leaving one to surmise that this book is much ado about nothing.
An exodus from rootlessness.......2006-08-24
Nobody plans to stumble across God in an unexpected place, least of all someone who doesn't believe in God at all.
But when writer Robin Chotzinoff realized 40 years into her life that she simply wasn't a very convincing atheist, there were no thunderclaps, just a warm winter rain, no cyclone but a soft Chinook wind. God was inside her, where she least expected to find him.
Chotzinoff's "Holy Unexpected: My New Life as a Jew" is one woman's religious journey, but without the proselytizing or solemn moralizing. In fact, it's just about what you might expect from the daughter of a Catholic mother and a Jewish father who didn't put much stock in God: Not irreverent, but certainly not somber. It's a story about a journey as much as a destination.
Chotzinoff's mid-life spiritual awakening is alternately tender and surprisingly funny. A gifted writer, reporter and dreamer with two previous nonfiction books and numerous articles, she gracefully draws meaning from simple moments. A childhood debate over the relative importance of being Hercules vs. Jesus. The propriety of praying while snowboarding. How to observe the Sabbath on Saturday but still go to Wal-Mart for duct tape. Resting her head on her dead father's arm moments after his last breath. You needn't speak Yiddish to understand exactly what's in her heart.
"Holy Unexpected" is also populated with unique characters from the author's life who illustrate the kaleidoscopic spectrum of religious exploration, from faithless to faithful. It's a memoir, but there's little arrogance or ego on display. The sensitivity of this memoir is in its cast as much as its poetic rendering of an ancient faith, race, culture or whatever you believe Judaism to be.
And at a time when Jewishness lies deep in the heart of the heart of a great conflict that's not-so-casually been labeled World War III, "Holy Unexpected" slices through the frustrating dialectics, obscure and misinterpreted ideologies, the wailing walls of prejudice, and fanatic manifestos fired like Katyushas from an increasingly radicalized Middle East. Chotzinoff's personal story is a different kind of exodus, a journey from rootlessness to belonging that many of us - Jewish, Christian or Muslim - make in our lives.
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