Book Description
With a new chapter and study guide questions, this expanded edition presents readers with what it means to live as Jesus would on a day-to-day basis--one filled with new meaning, hope, change, and a joyous, growing closeness to Christ.
Customer Reviews:
simple and uncompromised view on spiritual disciplines.......2007-10-05
This book is an every day, simple and uncompromised view on spiritual disciplines. I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking to grow in their relationship with Lord. Rev. Ortberg uses his signature style of simple, easy to understand language with a twist of humor to help the reader understand how to become "transformed" into the likeness of Christ.
The Life You've Always Wanted.......2007-03-10
Ortberg helps the reader see that spiritual disciplines are the pathway to joy. The disciplines are not the goal of a disciple but the path to experiencing a life in Christ that exudes real joy and transformation. This is a great read for ministry leaders or followers of Christ who want to invigorate their fellowship with Christ.
Ortberg does it again.......2007-03-09
This book is excellent. It is well written, challenging, and provocative. Just when the reader thinks John has written a chapter to top all previous ones, the next one is better. This is the best book we have done on spiritual growth in our Men's Den Sunday School Class. We previously read IF YOU WANT TO WALK ON WATER YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THE BOAT
Another solid work by Ortberg..........2007-02-03
Having now read several of John Ortberg's books, I'm starting to get a feel for his style. His ability to tell an engaging story is unparalleled, and his books are always engaging and easy to read. "The Life You've Always Wanted" fits neatly into that pattern.
Because the topic of "The Life You've Always Wanted" is some of the traditional Christian spiritual disciplines, it draws natural comparisons to Richard Foster's "Celebration of Discipline." On some level, it might be fair to consider Ortberg's book to be "An Idiot's Guide to Richard Foster," and I'm not sure that Ortberg would necessarily mind that classification. Of course, the spiritual disciplines aren't for idiots, and I don't want to imply that Ortberg writes on a superficial level. However, he has obviously made the decision to write a book that is, quite frankly, more accessible if somewhat less exhaustive than Foster's classic. As such, Ortberg has added a nice addition to the spiritual disciplines library.
I would happily recommend this book to anyone interested in getting a taste for spiritual disciplines. Though it's easy to suggest that Ortberg omitted some essential disciplines, it seems as if comprehensiveness was never his intention. Instead, he appears to have wanted to write something that anyone could read and understand and apply, and he has accomplished that goal. Though I'd recommend Foster as a next step, this is a great place for any would-be Christ-follower to start!!
A Modern Classic that Enlightens while Equipping.......2007-01-05
First and foremost, this book is an amazing read that anyone who desires a more genuine relationship with Christ must have, period. Ortberg is one of the best communicators when it comes to revealing the potency of spiritual disciplines or discipleship activities and why they can help us so much.
This book is very well written and has a surprisingly nice flow from chapter to chapter despite the book being broken up into segmented sermons, more or less (which is by no means a bad thing).
You can certainly see how Dallas Willard has influenced Ortberg's ideas and communication styles (especially Willard's "The Spirit of the Disciplines" and "The Divine Conspiracy").
The best part of the book is the fact that it is easily and readily applicable to your every-day life.
Much like J.G. Marking's, "A Voice Is Calling" (who cites Ortberg a few times), this book's entire goal is to equip you to authentically and passionately pursue God with a revitalized perspective on discipleship and an enlightened sense of one's relationship with Christ.
One of the best books I've ever read and a book that changed my life.
Book Description
No one knows grammar like Michael Strumpf. For over a quarter of a century, as creator and proprietor of the National Grammar Hot Line, he helped thousands of callers from every corner of the globe tackle the thorniest issues of English grammar. Now, in The Grammar Bible, he has created an eminently useful guide to better speaking and writing. Unlike other grammar manuals, The Grammar Bible is driven by the actual questions Professor Strumpf encountered during his years of teaching and fielding phone calls from anxious writers, conscientious students, and perplexed editors, including such perennial quandaries as - Where do I put this comma? - What case should this pronoun be in? - How do I form the possessive of Dickens? Professor Strumpf explains these and other language issues with wit and wisdom, showing how to speak more clearly and write more impressively by avoiding common errors and following the principles of good grammar. Whether you need a comprehensive review of the subjunctive mood or simply want to know which form of a verb to use, The Grammar Bible is a practical guide that will enlighten, educate, and entertain.
Customer Reviews:
Burn it for warmth in cold winter night.......2007-08-19
Before buying it I've read all the reviews and they all gave it 4 or 5 stars. The author's credentials also seem to back up these reviews. After going through the chapers I then realized that it's specifically designed for people whose educational level is below or at that of GED, such as middle and high school dropouts. As another reviewer mentioned, it works for ESL students as well. It amazes me that they can't be honest on what audience they're trying to target, but instead using the misleading name like Grammar Bible, and even in the description on the back cover they claim it's everything anyone would ever need to understand English grammar; how arrogant and narrow-minded is that? This is an insult to people's intelligence and bordering on being a scam.
A real letdown.......2007-07-17
The name "Bible" is misleading; it should be "Basics" instead. An ESL student might find this book helpful, but overall too shallow and elementary. At least teachers and writers don't need this.
Great reference book for anyone who wants to get it right........2007-07-03
This book is an excellent reference resource. It is not necessarily a book you should buy to read like a novel. The explanations and examples are clear and detailed. Buy this book for your son/daughter who might be starting high school or college. Do not buy this book if you think you already know everything there is to know about grammar. Otherwise, you will just end up finding some egotistical way to "put down" the book and its intended audience.
Very basic and indicative of the ignorance that plagues the United States.......2007-05-17
Based on the reviews, I opted to purchase this book. I wish to embark on a possible freelance writing career and I need all the help I can get. I have purchased several books to improve my skills and on the list was a decent reference relating to grammar.
I was excited when this along with several other books arrived. I thumbed through several pages and I said out loud: It must get better than this! I have to say of the 512 pages I found maybe a dozen that were useful. The beginning of the book talks about the classification of nouns of all things. I am sorry but if you over the age of eight and don't know the difference between a proper noun and a common noun, you may as well give it up now.
Further, the authors devote a large section to verb agreement. Once again, this is something you should have mastered prior to reaching junior high.
I am by no means an expert in correct grammar usage hence my desire to purchase a book to help me out. My search will go on as I am promptly returning this to Amazon and will most likely buy "A Comprehensive Grammar of the English Language" by Sidney Greenbaum.
wonderful.......2007-03-08
This is a very good book for grammar. It is very user friendly.
Book Description
Guitarists of all levels will find a wealth of practical music knowledge in this special book and CD package. Veteran guitarist and author Tom Kolb dispels the mysteries of music theory using plain and simple terms and diagrams. The accompanying CD provides 94 tracks of music examples, scales, modes, chords, ear training, and much more!
Customer Reviews:
Simple yet Effective........2007-10-06
This is a book that should be read after or at the same time as reading The Guitar Fretboard workbook. This book expounds on scales and intervals, triads and arpeggios, but in theory. Helps with learning how to write staff, read staff, sightread, and play! A MUST HAVE!
-Dr. Kenneth
Solid.......2007-09-30
An easy to understand guide in music theory as it relates to the guitar. I'm no wiz-bang when it comes to music. I constantly struggle with it, but despite that I recieve so much gratification from the effort. This book lays out the concepts in very easy and digestible chunks so that even a slow music learner as myself is able to grasp the concepts.
Comprehensive, intuitive guide for the guitarist wanting to understand theory..........2007-09-22
I have been a musician all of my life, since the age of 4, and a guitarist for a decade, since the age of sixteen. I was in high school orchestra and took guitar lessons for a few years, but at no time during any of this did any of my instructors really help me understand music theory. I tried learning a few times by myself, but that always ended in frustration.
Then I found this book. "Music Theory for Guitarists" is the most in-depth, intuitive, and well thought out book on the subject that I have ever come across. After reading this book and completing the exercises in it, I now feel confident in my grasp of music theory in a way I thought would never happen.
This book deftly guides the reader through the journey from the most basic of basics to much more complex topics, such as chord substitution and reharmonization. It also includes an entire chapter on learning to find the key center of songs, which is an incredibly useful skill to have. You can't always tell by ear what key you are in.
Perhaps the most in depth part of this book...the author analyzes the major and minor scales, and all of their modes, in depth. He gives each scale and mode its own section, discussing the nuances of what sets each apart from the others, and giving ideas for how and when to apply it in real world situations. He also goes into detail about building and identifying chords and harmonizing the major and minor scales (a section that has completely reinvented the way I look at writing music.)
I cannot say enough about this book. It has opened my eyes to a subject I thought I was too "stupid" to grasp, and showed me that I was only unable to learn because it had never been presented to me correctly. If you have any weaknesses in your knowledge of music theory, I would strongly recommend that you take advantage of the goldmine of information found in this book. You will likely find yourself, as I have, seeing the language of music in a completely different light, and for the first time really seeing how all Western music is connected at the root.
Great book!.......2007-09-17
Although some of the concepts can be a little tough at first, this book has become invaluable to me. It has enabled me to progress as a professional guitarist, not just someone who seeks to "self-learn" things on their own by playing songs of favorite bands.
I am very glad I got this book. It will teach you everything you need to know about music theory- which will greatly improve your guitar playing abilities in the long run.
great book.......2007-08-29
Ive reviewed alot of material on theory, and I really gained alot from this book. I dont have a guitar teacher, however, I do have a music theory instructor that I meet with weekly, and now that Ive completed a workbook in theory, and now reviewing with Music theory for guitarists, I feel that I am covering things as both review and newly applied to the guitar. There are great tips to understanding the guitar as well, which make me create my own music, and not just learn songs. Songs seem great for the once a year campfire, where everyone can sing along, but I play everyday, and without an audience. Sooner or later, youre going to discover that youre bored with other peoples songs, and youre ready to create your own music, of which this book gives you the keys to understanding this and take off on your own. Before this book, I was very frustrated with the fret board, now its user friendly in all positions.
Book Description
What do children hope to create when they put pencil to paper? An accurate likeness of the things they see, of course. With this imaginative, informative, and amply-illustrated guide to drawing, it's amazingly easy for kids to make those art dreams come true. After a brief overview of tools and materials, the entertaining hands-on activities begin with contour drawing techniques. With the help of lots of exercises, budding artists will learn the basic elements of shapes (lines, dots, circles) and see how to combine them to make familiar forms. They'll find out how to produce the illusion of volume with shading techniques; create perspective; accurately recreate landscapes, people, animals, and nature; develop interesting compositions; and more.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent beginning book!.......2007-07-30
This book is excellent for the beginning art teacher and drawing student. I am basing a lot of my curriculum on ideas inspired by this book in my upcoming school year. It takes your thoroughly through each step/stage of learning to draw so that anyone can master it! Great illustrations and ideas are perfectly fit onto each page, without annoying "materpieces" that you don't think possible. By the end, you will be drawing with the best of them-- and students will too!
A good start for teenagers.......2007-03-14
The book has enough explanations for those children that want to learn basics of drawing on themselves.
Excellent Drawing Book.......2007-01-17
I purchased this for my 10 year old granddaughter. She loves it. She says it has all different subjects to draw and gives step by step how to.
Wow.......2007-01-12
I teach art classes and was thrilled with this book. It is well written and will have a special place in my library. I refer to it weekly.
Very good but for child serious about drawing.......2007-01-12
I got this book at the library for my 10 year old daughter to see if she would like if before purchasing it. She is talented and comes from artists on her father's side, but had a bad experience with her first Art teacher in a school setting. I was looking for something to spark her confidence and keep her interest high in at least independant and self explorative instruction for now.
She loved the book immediately. Because she had some formal class instruction this year she was able to recognize some of the exercises that she was required to do in class, so that background exposure helped her "get" this book right away. This is a great fundementals darwing book for kids, but it is an exersice with a you can do it attitude book which is what I wanted for my daughter at this time. Something she could read for herself, interpret for herself and try her own way and see what she gets without someone else trying to shape her ideas for her.
The book's attractively layed out for my 10 year old, but I think she will work with this slowly here and there at her own pace, and probably come back to it even more when she's older too. there are some drawing projects but they are not as extensive as the fundimental practices area.
For this reason I also bought her Lee Hammond's series on drawing life like animals for more go right to it and start drawing projects. She is spending more time with that now and I expect as she gets more and more into drawing she'll come back and forth to the therory and the practical fun stuff.
For a child who just wants to draw cool looking picts fast, you might be better off with the lee Ames draw 50 series. My 8 year old son loves these draw or trace books as what he produces looks great with no theory just draw.
Average customer rating:
- Excellent application of the MBTI to relationship dynamics
- Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type
- Helps you understand all relationships, not just romantic
- Matches Every Type w/Every Other Type - Unique & Well Done!
- The best dating guide, divorce prevention, self-help book!
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Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type
Paul D. Tieger , and
Barbara Barron-Tieger
Manufacturer: Little, Brown and Company
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 Interpersonal Relations
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Accessories:
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Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer
ASIN: 0316845698 |
Book Description
Are men and women from different planets, or is it Personality Type, not gender, that rules the way they relate? The foremost experts in Personality Type, Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger provide fresh insight into the mysteries of love. Drawing from years of experience as well as groundbreaking research, the authors offer an individualized approach to improving your love life: they help you figure out which of the 16 personality types best describes you and your partner; reveal the rewards and frustrations of your type combination; identify the essential aspects of a good relationship for each type; provide the best advice about communicating with your mate, and much more.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent application of the MBTI to relationship dynamics.......2006-06-06
Despite its somewhat maudlin title and front cover, this book is very interesting. It based on Jungian MBTI theory which in my view is a very powerful tool for understanding people's personality. The book itself is not theoretical: it gives a brief description of the 16 types and then there is a couple of pages for each of the 136 possible combinations. Much has been printed about the MBTI, but this one has a very interesting practical approach. For each combination, you find a paragraph on the strengths, a paragraph on the weaknesses, and a short list of key recommendations for each partner. Even if you know everything about Jungian psychology you can still discover some new insights on personality relationships. For the anecdote, my INTJ recommendation list (with my ESFJ wife) is a pretty goood summary of everything I do wrong at home !
Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type.......2005-07-12
This is a very easy to read book that is broken down into logical and useful sections. It is also a lot of fun.
Helps you understand all relationships, not just romantic.......2003-02-27
If you are into understanding yourself and your relationships with others, you will love this guide.
After decoding myself (ISTP), I decoded everyone I know well, and it helped me to understand how and why each of my relationships differ. I shared the book with my ESTP boyfriend and we laughed so hard we nearly cried, because the book described our relationship SO EXACTLY it was scary.
We all communicate and make decisions differently. This book explains how YOUR type and THEIR type interact, and how to avoid common pitfalls. It's not only helpful, but very eye-opening and fun.
Matches Every Type w/Every Other Type - Unique & Well Done!.......2003-02-08
I'm a huge MBTI nut, and I've read about MBTI book out there, including those from Britain, etc! This book is truly unique b/c it matches every type w/every other type, to show you the joys, pitfalls, and helpful suggestions. What should an ENTJ know about his/her INFP spouse? This book has very specific and personalized answers.
The best thing is, this isn't just a gimmick. It's VERY well done. The insights are superb and will tell you something new about not only your romantic relationships, but other important relationships as well.
My spouse & I have a wonderful relationship - over 10 years of wedded bliss - and we've also done a ton of Myers-Briggs analysis together. So I was shocked and delighted when my spouse read the piece comparing our types - and said, Hey, there are several things in here I want you to read! There were indeed "hints" that I needed to take to heart, things I never would have guessed but that did truly come from our type interaction.
The best dating guide, divorce prevention, self-help book!.......2002-10-31
First, it's important to know I have been a believer in the validity of the personality test upon which this book is based ... from my own experience in the 15 years since I first took the test as required for one of my science major classes in college, and because the test has a good reputation among professionals. The more people I persuade to take this test, the more impressed I am with the accuracy and validity of the test and the accuracy of several other books based upon the test. That's important information because this book can be no more accurate than the personality test upon which it is based. Secondly, the authors are internationally recognized experts in the application of the test results.
Having established that, in my opinion this particular book is more valuable than any of the other books I own based on that personality test because it presents the various personaly types in a more practical manner: exactly how each of the other types is compatible or incompatible with you, and specifically how to interact with each of the other types in order to minimize conflicts. I'm well into my second marriage now and am astounded by how accurately the good aspects and areas of conflict for both marriages were pinpointed in this book ...same goes for every other intimate relationship in my life where I knew the others' type .... it's like the book was written about me, for me! This book is priceless for those of you in the dating scene screening for Mr or Ms "Right for you" and not wanting to waste any time getting to the altar. Or if you think you're in love but are afraid it won't last, wondering what marriage to them would be like since 50% of marriages these days end in divorce. Or for those already married who want to strengthen their relationship and reduce conflicts .... it couldn't be spelled out more clearly and concisely exactly how to go about it for your individual relationship. This book helped me to get the clearest perspective on how others see me...to see the truth of how each relationship is more than just the sum of it's parts or partners, but that two individuals each effect how the other is in the relationship,... and taught me specifically how I can adapt for each of the various individuals in my life that I'd like to get along with better. More than any other book I've read about relationships, (and that's LOTS of books)this book gives pertinent advice tailored specifically for you and each one of your individual relationships. Other books speak generically to the masses based on "the majority" of people researched. My personality type is less than 1% of the population, yet this book still has a lot of accurate information and specific advice relevant to my individual needs. I think this book is the best money I ever spent and my praise doesn't get any better than that! I can see why the authors are internationally recognized experts in the application of this personality test.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent.......2007-05-20
Far more detailed than the How to Draw Cartoons book by this author. There are examples of heads, eyes, noses, mouth, hands, and many other elements in good detail.
high quality.......2006-11-10
This a useful book for the artist (or developing artist) moving into cartoon drawing. The material is high quality, drawn and written by a professional with many years' work under his belt. You'll wish it were longer.
Drawing on Inspiration.......2006-06-01
I bought this book so I can learn to draw cartoons with my 2.5-year-old daughter. Right around this time I had finished reading the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, and I was wondering how I might be able to start teaching my child about different emotions. Then on pages 18 and 19 of Hart's book I found a list of cartoon faces depicting emotions. We started drawing some of them. Currently we're concentrating on two: Happy and Laughing.
Chris Hart Does It Again!.......2004-02-27
Without a doubt, Christopher Hart is one of the most prolific and talented cartoonist around. Having worked with companies such as Disney, his cartoon style is entertaining and stylic as well. It's got personality and it will make you want to engross yourself in the book. If you've not read any book by Chris Hart, this is one of his best. However, it is a wonderful book with lots of helpful ideas on becoming a cartoonist yourself.
It covers everything from how to place the features to costumes to animals. It would definitely be a useful starting (and ending) ground for anyone interested in this art.
Excellent find!.......2003-08-23
This book is great! There are a ton of helpful tips and techniques that range from how to draw facial expressions and body types to how to draw ice cubes and water... and even how to convey wind or rain. The author, Christopher Hart, even explains why cartoon characters have only three fingers.
This book is very clear, very informative and very funny! I highly recommend this book!
Average customer rating:
- Not for those who like to cut to the chase
- Wildly entertaining for a "how to" book!
- not exhaustive, but very close
- A must buy!
- Wow!
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Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens
Justin Richardson , and
Mark Schuster
Manufacturer: Three Rivers Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer
ASIN: 1400051282
Release Date: 2004-03-23 |
Book Description
If you’ve ever tried to tell your six-year-old how babies are made or your fourteen-year-old how condoms work, you know that grappling with telling your kids about sex can be a sweat-drenched exercise. But it doesn’t have to be.
Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask) is a one-of-a-kind survival guide that will help you stay sane through every stage of your child’s sexual development. After interviewing scores of parents and analyzing decades of scientific research, two nationally respected, Harvard-trained physicians share their expertise in this brilliantly insightful, practical, and hilarious book that has fast become the leading resource for parents of toddlers to teens. This indispensable guide covers all the bases, including:
• What to expect at each stage of your child’s development and how you can influence it from birth onward
• What to tell your kids at every age about sex and how to get the conversation going
• What to do when your five-year-old turns up naked with the girl next door, your toddler is rubbing on her teddy bear, or your six-year-old walks in on you having sex
• How to avoid unnecessary clashes with your middle-schooler while managing privacy, crushes, and what to wear
• How to encourage your teenager to use contraception without encouraging her to have sex, and how to help her choose the method that’s best for her
Customer Reviews:
Not for those who like to cut to the chase.......2007-08-17
While a good, solid resource by two learned academics, I was a bit disappointed w/ this read, which seemed to spend more time trying to be witty than actually getting to the "meat" of the info. Not meant for parents with "conservative" family values, this book is jam-packed w/ stories, some which seem exaggerated, in its attempt to be edgy (which to some may be read as crass). The authors clip over developmental changes of boys and girls at almost too fast a pace, making the work not as thoughtful as it could be. It also overly generalizes children's responses and behaviors. Overall, it's difficult for readers to pull out important info.
Wildly entertaining for a "how to" book!.......2007-08-03
Half way through the first chapter, I was nodding, laughing and remembering. The author and editors are dead-on with their descriptions and stories. Their advice is absolutely bar none.
I put down the book after the first chapter and realized that it was so well written that I would have read it if it WASN'T recommended by the therapist who sees my two step-children who are currently in heat. I reported back to him with rave reviews.
A must read for anyone who has, or wants, kids. Period. It will make your life so much easier...
not exhaustive, but very close.......2007-03-20
This book is lengthy and full of useful information, ranging from how to deal with your child's sexuality from baby to teen; masturbation; attraction; orientation; pregnancy; parenting; and everything in between. A very well written book.
A must buy!.......2007-02-01
I read the book and wish I had read it sooner and then I gave it to my 15 year old to read as well.
Much better than A chicken's guide to talking turkey with your kids about sex (preachy at best, as in religious zealots).
I think books are a useful tool to open up lines of communication and purchased this author's book, Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex with a copy of Dr. Ruth's Sex for Dummies for my older teen. I also read and shared, Human Sexuality by Roger R. Hock.
It is my personal feeling that providing your child with information about thier bodies will help them keep themselves healthy. It does not mean we give them our blessings to do whatever they want nor does it mean we have the right to make choices for them. We do as parents have the responsibilities of educating them.
As I have multiple children and liked her reasonable approach I also purchased Dr. Ruth Talks To Kids for my pre-teen. I also recommend the American Medical Association (Boy's/Girls) Guide To Becomming A Teen, and a copy of It's Perfectly Normal.
Copies of It's So Amazing and It's Not The Stork are also worth having kicking around the house but I did find the books to be rather long so don't be surprised if your active younger child does't want to go over them in one sitting.
Sexual development does begin in utero and it is time the average parent understood it better. That "talk" isn't just one talk you have with your child but a series of conversations in the car, at the supper table, when you are getting dressed in the changing room, changing diapers, in front of your best friend, at the doctor's office, and so on. If you are feeling a little shy about it- this book is for you.
Wow!.......2006-11-10
What a wonderful book for mother's like me who are freaking out when our 6 year olds start asking about sex. It helps make the topic easy. Nice book.
Book Description
Do you come away from contact with your parent with unbearable feelings of rage, low self-esteem and depression?
Is your parent hypercritical, manipulative, and/or controlling?
Do you feel unsafe when you are with your parent because of verbal abuse, negligence, or inappropriate behavior?
No matter how much you do for your parent, is it never enough?
No one should have to endure an abusive, unhealthy relationship that threatens his or her well-being -- even if that relationship is with a parent. In this ground-breaking book, Beverly Engel draws on her own personal experience, as well as the stories and letters of other adult children, to offer a complete guide to why, when and how to divorce a parent. Engel discusses good and bad reasons for taking this step, when to stop trying to reconcile, and how to prepare yourself emotionally for the actual divorce, including such alternatives as temporary separation. If you do decide that parental divorce; how to handle negative pressure from others; how to come to terms with your own grief and guilt; what to tell your own children, and how to deal with their relationships with their grandparents; how to cope with holidays; how to divorce a parent after his or her death; and what to do if you change your mind and want to reconcile.
Customer Reviews:
Divorcing a Parent: Free Yourself from the Past.......2006-11-10
This book is an excellent publication for anyone who has suffered mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a parent/parents. Every statement in the book was so true to form that it was scary to realize just how bad life really was. Knowing that other individuals have experienced the same abuse with the same threats and parental abuse was somewhat comforting to know that others have experienced these abuses and gone on to live better lives. Very highly recommended reading for anyone feeling abused by a parent(s).
Wishing I'd Seen This Four Years Ago!.......2006-05-11
While I made the decision to cut off contact with my parents and brother four years ago, it is only recently I've begun to find books that broach this topic, and do so from a perspective that it is a healthy and sometimes necessary choice. I have been drinking in these resources as a way of validating the path I've taken and also partly to ensure I've taken the proper steps so that it is a path of healing and starting over.
I recently finished Beverly Engel's Divorcing a Parent: Free Yourself from the Past and Live the Life You've Always Wanted. At the time this book was published, the concept of divorcing (as in terminating a relationship with) one's parents was an extremely radical and unpopular one.
Fifteen years later, it is a somewhat more acceptable idea than it used to be. But unfortunately many people in our society still believe choosing to limit or eliminate contact with toxic family members is taboo without wishing to understand why it is the best and sometimes only option.
America is Mom and apple pie; to divorce Mom is to desecrate what is American in some people's eyes, even if it is done for one's survival. I unfortunately have dealt with people on all levels of acquaintance who've made it their business to let me know they disapproved of my choice when they learned about it. As well-meaning as some of these critics were, it was still hurtful to be invalidated that way and I always felt stuck, not knowing how to respond to that without getting defensive.
That said I really do wish I'd found this book four years ago. Beverly Engel wrote Divorcing a Parent after having made the decision to divorce her own abusive mother a few years earlier, and counseling countless others who were struggling with this dilemma in their own lives. She took her personal experiences, anecdotes from various patients, and her expertise as a counselor, and rolled them into a very helpful guide towards making a rational decision about whether to divorce one's parents, and in some cases, entire families.
At the same time Engel's book is intelligent, in that it does not hold bias towards what the decision should be for the individual. She respects that some people may want or even need a relationship to continue, and therefore she explores all the options, including limiting contact, emotionally separating oneself, and even attempting reconciliation if someone changes their mind down the road. Engel also states that it is possible to divorce one parent and maintain a relationship with the other if one so wishes. But Engel remains reverent of the fact that the choice must be the individual's alone above all.
I also appreciated that Divorcing a Parent does NOT advocate remaining stuck in victim mode. In fact, Engel states that in choosing to alter or eliminate a relationship with one's parents, a person is also making a simultaneous commitment to grow up, shed the dysfunctional dependency on their parents, and not allow their past to determine who they are anymore.
Engel also points out that divorcing one's parent(s) is never an effective way of getting back at them, and should never be used to make them "pay" for their sins in the hopes that they will see things your way. Divorcing a parent should only be for the sake of healing and self-preservation, for one's own mental and emotional health, especially if the parent(s) have not acknowledged the past abuse or continue to perpetrate it at some level.
Divorcing a Parent does a wonderful job as well of guiding the reader through various exercises for releasing anger and working through grief. Engel describes options for both physically and emotionally detaching, including trying a trial separation, or formal rituals a person can perform to stand by their choice, such as writing a letter to one's parent(s) or drawing up a formal divorce decree for yourself if you decide to make the separation permanent.
It also addresses the guilt that almost inevitably comes about as a result of hearing criticism over the choices made, be it from others or within. I especially found it a relief when Engel provided suggestions for responding to subtle, "well-meaning" responses that can undermine a vulnerable person who is sharing about this part of their lives. It makes me wish I'd had these responses available to me so many times, and grateful I have them now in the event I hear them again.
Finally, Engel has sections at the end of the book addressed to various people who may be involved in the life of the reader, including friends, spouses, therapists, and even the parent of the reader. She poses questions and challenges to each of these parties without being preachy or condemning, rather instead choosing to shed light on possible reasons why someone may struggle with accepting or supporting someone else's decision to reduce or eliminate association with an abusive parent.
My one small criticism of Engel's work is that she advocates it's necessary try to find some good in an abusive parent as a method of moving forward. She states healing will not happen unless we do.
The reason this is bothersome for me is because I believe there are people who really are unredeemably evil and sociopathic, who are sadistic and deliberate in their abuse. History, psychology, and even some religious circles openly admit this.
My opinion is that yes, some people who abuse are good people and are just sick or hopelessly caught up in a cycle they don't realize they're in. Those are people for whom perhaps it's worth spending time and energy finding good in them. But there are yet others who operate on a permanent mean streak because they were born without a conscience. When this is blatantly obvious, I believe trying to see them in a sympathetic light is counterproductive.
I think in such cases it should be respected that it may simply be overly difficult if not impossible to try to find good in such persons. I don't agree that looking for the good in someone who did horrendous things to you is necessarily therapeutic either. I wish in a way that Engel had acknowledged this as a possibility and left a door open for an alternative way of working through this if it is a possibility for certain people.
Nevertheless, I still consider that to be a minor point of contention in light of how helpful and validating the rest of this book is. It's a resource I would definitely have turned to a long time ago if I'd known of it. I'd probably have still come to the same decision as I have, but reading this before or at the same time I did I believe would have made the transition easier, helped me through the emotional process, and possibly with less false guilt all these years. I highly recommend this for anyone seeking a better way of dealing with a dysfunctional family.
By the way, it is interesting to note that after Engel's book was published, her own mother read it and experienced a change of heart. Engel and her mother have since reconciled and reportedly enjoy a better relationship today; this later inspired Engel to write the book The Power of Apology. This is a rare outcome, and in that respect it is an especially heartwarming and happy ending.
Great book.......2005-09-01
This is a must read for everybody and anybody whose parents express love in 'interesting ways'. While reading this book, I knew the author was talking about the experiences which I and too many other people have.
We are always at fault for something, regardless of what it is. We are called 'mental' by our families for not liking that abuse! Meanwhile we try to be 'good' and not insult them back with something. During this silence we up making ourselves sick through that acting; we are emotionally and mentally better off without our parents.
If unhappy people can divorce from an unhealthy marriage, people who are unhappy with their families ought to be able to divorce their parents too.
Finding a supportive and healthy family of your own choosing is much better than attempting to ride things out with a family that chose you. Attempting to go through the motions of the `devoted child' is not worth it.
Help for the hardest decision you may ever have to make........2004-12-17
"Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned"....Titus 3:10-11.
I have recommended this book several times in the course of my ministry work with adult children of abusive or controlling birth-families. The decision to divorce a parent is never easy and is never made hastily. It is usually a matter of mental, emotional, and often physical survival after the adult child has spent many years trying every other alternative to make the relationship work.
Painful though it is, there are birth-family relationships that are so destructive that the only thing you can do is get out. Only then can you begin your healing and recovery and eventually lead a peaceful and joyful life.
This book presents practical and sympathetic advice from someone who has been down that road- the author herself, who besides being a therapist, found it necessary to divorce her own abusive mother.
Besides its content, this book is interesting in a very unique way. After the author divorced her mother, she wrote this book. Her mother bought it and read it, apologized to the author and made an effort to change her destructive behavior, and they have now reconciled. The author then wrote a follow-up book called The Power of Apology.
Beverly Engel is a psychotherapist and recognized expert in the fields of relationships, women's issues, and abuse. She is the author of 14 books, and has been on Oprah, Ricki Lake, Sally Jesse Raphael, and other national talk shows. She found it necessary to divorce her mother, not because of past childhood abuse, but because of the CONTINUAL ABUSE SHE SUFFERED AS AN ADULT. No one should have to endure an abusive, unhealthy relationship that threatens her well-being, even if that relationship is with a parent.
Divorcing A Parent explains the right and wrong reasons for divorce. Some of the right reasons are: to break the cycle of abuse, when it's either you or them, when your parent is hypercritical, controlling, or manipulative, and when your parent continues to abuse you or continues to deny the truth.
We are taught how to confront our parent and what to expect, including our parent divorcing us when we stand up for ourselves. We learn that abusive people don't mellow with age, they usually just get worse.
The book teaches you how to prepare for the divorce, how to separate emotionally, and takes you through the process of letting go, mourning the loss of your parent, and completing the grieving process. We learn how to deal with pressure and criticism from our siblings and other relatives who want us to continue accepting the abuse.
There are also suggestions to the divorced parent, to mates, friends, and loved ones, and to therapists.
I believe that Divorcing A Parent is a must-read for adult children who need to free themselves from an abusive relationship with a parent.
"They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me. Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked"...Psalm 129:2-4
Healthy future for me now.......2004-01-21
Unbelievable!!! I have finally come to terms with the abuse and abandonment that my family has continued to show me for more than 15 years. I have completed the necessary steps indicated in the book and realize I am the only mentally healthy individual in my immediate family. Unfortunately, my sister is continuing the legacy that my Mother began with her daughter. It is absolutely sickening to witness. However, I was able to emotionally divorce myself from them just prior to them abandoning me for the last time. You see, their modus operandi WAS to cut me off for any decision I made in which they didn't approve. I emphasize "WAS" because I will no longer feel the pain of their disapproval. It simply doesn't matter anymore. I now know that I don't need to be punished for being the human being and individual that I am. Whether they like it or not. I can't recommend this book enough to those of you who are even contemplating this scenario. You must at least try to be at peace with who you are and that is... a wonderful human being.
Book Description
This ECPA best-seller focuses on three primary questions: what does true spiritual life really look like?; what hinders me from living such a life?; and what practices can help me pursue such a life?
Customer Reviews:
A Challengin Book.......2007-08-05
This book is a great resource that challenges Christians to analyze their lives as followers of Christ. Moreover, Ortberg challenges the business of life which has infiltrated those who follow Christ.
Excellent for your Spiritual Growth.......2006-06-06
I just finished The Life You've Always Wanted in about three days. Ortberg is practical, challenging, and honest. I love his insights on some of the less talked about Christian disciplines - like slowing down, regular confession, and servanthood.
Here is a non-dry, non-wordy, powerful book that any Christian should read. Takes the "pressure" out of spiritual disciplines and inspires me to focus my pursuit of God. Good stuff! I'll read it again.
A Tale of Two Books.......2002-06-07
First of all, I want to say that some of the material in here is among the most applicable and heart-rendering that I have read in a long, long time. It seems to me that this book is almost two different books. The books reminds me of some movies that I have watched where the first half was so magnetic that I could not stop watching. Then the second half of the movie loses my attention because it goes on a tangent or is just plain uninteresting.
Ortberg's discussion of boundaries resonated within me. He states that Christians use boundaries to dictate who is in their group and who is not. Drinking is a boundary. If you drink, you are outside my group. If you don't drink, you are inside the group. The same applies for smoking, dancing, caffeine, you name it. Ortberg implies that this is how many Christians live their lives. He says that our lives should be marked by a transformation of the heart, not by boundaries. Wow.
Another chapter highlighted the need to be quiet, to take things slow. This, he says, is necessary to hear God speak to us. That really does make sense. Being one who likes to speed (and people in Nashville drive SLOW), I found this chapter to be refreshing.
A lot of the book deals specically with spiritual disciplines in bullet fashion (before reading the Bible, do this, this, and this). That's where it started to get uninteresting. Not that this is not important. Far be it from that. But he starts the book with such fervor on the life we are all looking for as Christians and then moves to a bullet list of what to do. For me, I just found that change too much. But still a good buy.
Unbelievable in it's practical application.......2002-05-13
I have read several books on spiritual development
/formation and this is "hand-down" the best and most practical I have ever seen. The Author has either been there or has been given devine insight from God (or both). There is no "air" in this book it is hard hitting, accurate and real life. Should be required reading for all.
Not for non-hardcore Christians.......2002-03-01
I wish I had read the reviews here before picking up the book. Let me state right off (to prevent the sure-to-happen viscious replies) that this is a well written, thoughtful book. It is, however, written specifically for "serious" Christians.
The cover and title are somewhat misleading. I thought it was going to be geared to a more general audience. I am sure that for those looking to regain touch with their Christianity it is worthwhile reading. But if you're looking for something that is not so centric into 1 belief system, then this isn't the book for you...
Book Description
Drawing on many years of work in the field since the original publication of the book, Chandler has added numerous new stories, quotes, insights and recommendations on how to transform yourself from a fictional, limited, old personality to a fresh level of creative action. "It is a dream come true," says Chandler, "to have been given the chance by Career Press to reinvent Reinventing Yourself. I'll let the reader be the judge as to whether I succeeded at my mission of taking this book from good to great." "Reinventing Yourself is written forcefully, but with great humor, There won't be many books in the coming years that are met with as much enthusiasm as this book." -Colin Wilson, author of The Outsider and Alien Dawn "If you want a book that develops your hidden potential, look no further. Steve Chandler's Reinventing Yourself is it!" -Danny Cox, author of Seize the Day and There are No Limits :"If you put together the best of Anthony Robbins, Mark McCormack and Wayne Dyer, what you would have would be almost as good as Steve Chandler." -Dale Dauten, King Features Syndicate
Download Description
Steve Chandler opens this powerful book with the image of a cocoon. The cocoon of personality. The cocoon that traps us into negative or limited thinking about who we are and what we can become. Steve then gives us a choice: Either we can continue to think of ourselves as victims, or we can take ownership of our lives and extend our possibilities in limitless directions. Think of Elvis Presley, and how he just didn't sing the song, he owned it, poured his spirit into it. Or Michael Jordan, not just playing basketball, but defining his inner self as he soars to the basket. Within each of us is an inspiration - a spark of insight about the person we were meant to be. Reinventing yourself helps us to name that vision...to call it ours and to begin to make it happen. This eBook edition contains the complete 219 page text of the original hardcover editon.
Customer Reviews:
Reinventing Yourself.......2007-10-20
As individuals we may have issues that have developed over the years that affect our lives, sometimes in negative ways, and that we may not be aware of. This book is clear, concise, and very helpful in moving ourselves forward into a time & place that are both satisfying and fulfilling.
Beware of HAMILTONBOOKS audio cassette !.......2007-04-23
For anyone interested in purchasing this audio book, please be advised that I've recieved not just One but TWO damaged versions of "Reinvent Yourself" and have given up. I will probably buy the book from the local bookstore. I don't think it's HamiltonBooks fault, but they must have some sketchy products in their inventory, you never know what you'll get. Maybe that's why this item is sold by them for the low price of $3.95 plus shipping. Just a warning...
So completely practical........2007-03-05
This guy is awesome. So practical, so direct. No condescension, no preaching. Zero chaff. 100% content.
One (actual) example. I just pour out some hurt to my GF about my job. One client who is such a problem that if one our guys so much as *annoys* her, she could get a contract canceled that would get 4 of our guys laid off. An impossible to please person with a lot of power.
So I tell my GF. Cold person that she can be, she automatically *defends* this person, saying that we're just miffed that she has the power. Now, I'm thinking about the 4 families that would be knocked right out if this goes down (including mine), so I'm appalled that this is the first thing that comes out of her mouth (you know, before "gee hon, I'm sorry" or "why would anyone be that way?")
So as soon as she lets me out of the room, I go into the next room, and decide to try to somehow rise above this.
I pop in CD2 of this series, and I just want to *feel* angry, hurt, justified, etc. Well, Chandler won't let me, and he explains convincingly how are "aren't" (i.e., can't *identify* completely with) our feelings any more than we "are" a banged knee (and the pain associated with that), and why. He's 100% dead on. Now if he was in any way preachy, I'd have the opportunity to feel guilt, or get defensive (and thus avoid action). Not possible. He is so clear, and so right-on. I'm not feeling convicted. I am redirected. So uncommon.
So I go right back in the bedroom (why should *I* sleep on the couch?), stick some pillows between us, and get the night's sleep I need to face the week ahead (and the pending situation).
The girlfriend? Time to weigh my options. I have choices. We always do.
The book/audio? I highly recommend it.
Worth Listening To..........2006-09-18
Ok, so the audio version would maybe have been more lyrical if Steve had a different person read it, like someone with passion in their voice. (I still love ya Steve!) However, I do like books read to me by the author, since it is their wisdom they are sharing.
This audio series really woke me up again, like many of Steve's books. I sadly related myself to the "victim" mentality. When Steve gives examples of how "victims" handle situations, he was honestly reading my mind. It really got my attention.
Then he describes how "owners" think. Being a small business owner and wanting to succeed, I really had to stop and listen. I was shocked to hear how owners think in their heads. I then realized I had a choice; do I want to think like an 'owner' or a 'victim'?
Other points throughout the series really made me stand up and think. He describes a scene on the Today show where Matt Lauer is trying to get a row out of Tiger Woods' father, Earl Woods, after hearing a negative comment from Fuzzy Zoeller. Earl never, ever is offended by the comments. He puts it back on Fuzzy, saying that Fuzzy has the problem. Victims are offended everyday, while Owners see that others have the problem. Wow!
If you truly want to change and get out of your victim mode and change your life, this is a valuable asset that is worth every penny. I like audio versions because I can listen to them over and over again, especially riding around in the car, which I have to do anyway. It's a valueable time where I can change my thinking and therefore change my life.
Thanks Steve!
Annie Bathgate
Absolutely LOVED IT!!!!.......2006-08-24
I'm now on my second read of this book. The first read was on an airplane and I feared my pen would run out of ink b/c I was underlining so much! I've read over 100 self help/motivational books, thinking that if I even get one great idea out of them it will have been worth it. But *this* book... I know that this book will/has absolutely change my thinking, which will in turn, absolutely change my life! Buy this book, don't even hesitate.
Books:
- The Lost Boy: A Foster Child's Search for the Love of a Family
- The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't
- The Price of Peace: Just War in the Twenty-First Century
- The Rape of Europa: The Fate of Europe's Treasures in the Third Reich and the Second World War
- The Sacred Bridge: Carta's Atlas of the Biblical World
- The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
- The Sound of Waves
- The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire
- This Fire Down in My Soul
- This Moment on Earth: Today's New Environmentalists and Their Vision for the Future
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