Amazon.com
It is impossible to read Turning to One Another in the wake of the devastating attack on New York City's World Trade Center and not marvel at the book's eerie and moving prescience. Of course Margaret Wheatley has already earned herself a (deserved and legit) reputation as the Oprah of "sensitive" organizational books with such titles as A Simpler Way. But this book--devoted entirely to centrality of conversation in healing everything from personal relationships to organizational dysfunction to world discord--flows so broadly and easily across the borders of genre or topic it's almost as though Wheatley intuited when writing it how the need for its message would soon skyrocket. "The intent of this book is to encourage and support you to begin conversations about things that are important to you and those near you," Wheatley writes right up front in the clean, straightforward voice that always saves her work, unlike that of so many other "New Age" gurus, from cheesiness. "It has no other purpose." She then delivers on that promise, making her points in short, succinct, finely written essays on various aspects of human understanding and connection, invoking the thinking of great humanists like Paolo Friere and Nelson Mandela, peppering her thoughts with encounters with people around the world, and then expanding on 10 "conversation starters" like "Do I feel a 'vocation to be truly human'?" "When have I experienced good listening?" and "When have I experienced working for the common good?"
Suffice to say, those looking for some worksheet-packed, three-step plan for organizational harmony won't find it here. Those willing to take a slower, harder, more thoughtful and likely more rewarding path to better relations on any level--or even those looking for the book equivalent of a cool, tall drink of water (perhaps where all change begins)--will be truly moved and genuinely inspired by Wheatley's practical, timely wisdom. --Timothy Murphy
Book Description
"I believe we can change the world if we start talking to one another again." With this simple declaration, Margaret Wheatley proposes that citizens band together with their colleagues and friends to create the solutions for social change, both locally and globally, that are so badly needed. Such change will not come from governments or corporations but from the ageless process of thinking together in conversation. Turning to One Another encourages this process. Part One explores the power of conversation and the conditions -- simplicity, personal courage, real listening, and diversity -- that support it. Part Two provides ten "conversation starters" -- questions that in Wheatley's experience have led people to share their deepest beliefs, fears, and hopes.
Customer Reviews:
Turning to One Another - Review.......2007-09-10
I enjoyed reading Margaret Wheatley's book, "Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future". This book is easy to read, applicable and possibly life-changing.
Read it and talk about it with a group of friends........2007-06-13
Read this book with a group of your friends, or neighbors, or with a group of the willing. The opening premise simply states: "I believe we can change the world, if we start listening to one another again. Simple, truthful conversation where we each have a chance to speak, we each feel heard and we each listen well." The book encourages us to actually listen to each other, to different perspectives, to our own perspective, with the aim that we are better off when we have genuine connections with others. One of the best parts of the book is "A Prayer for Children" by Ina. J. Hughes; the poem is poignant, humorous and intriguing.
Heart blowing!.......2007-03-08
So simple, and yet such a fresh way of looking at life, leadership, community and conversation. I learned a ton from this book, very helpful in specific situations I am involved in. It teaches me how to become an ever better listener.
If there is one book on changing relationships you must read, this is it!.......2006-10-26
Margaret has created such a powerful book on conversation, learning, and change. I can not imagine a more powerful book telling stories that can transform how we work, play, and learn together. This is a life changing read and one that I highly recommend. And even more importantly, in such a turbulent time, keeping in conversation with others may be the only thing that helps us hold this world together. Therefore, do not only read the book, but put into action conversations that can change the world.
One of the most important books I've read.......2006-06-23
Margaret Wheatley's Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future is one of the most important books I've read.
It is based on the incredibly simple premise that growth, real growth begins with two people having a conversation.
Part 1 discusses a range of subjects: Wheatley's views on conversation and listening, including the importance of staying with conversations that sometimes get "messy" to reveal deeper truths and commonalities; her belief in the importance of being surprised and even shocked by the person(s) with whom she converses, versus seeking people who agree with her, affirm her thoughts, or where the conversation follows either a predictable course, or safe outcomes; the belief that differences between people can lead to deeper commonalities and greater closeness.
Quite frankly, there are simply too many gems of wisdom and insight in this book to do more than recall a handful that particularly struck me.
Part 2 is very short, restating some fundamental principles or concepts explained in greater detail in Part 1.
Part 3 is a list and explanation of 10 possible conversation openers.
This is not per se a "how to" book, as if there is "one way" either to converse, listen or relate to another person. Quite the opposite. She talks, for example, of the reality that various people can have a seemingly unlimited number of interpretations and reactions to a given event to stress (implied) that what matters is the process, the act of conversing and relating.
Wheatley's book is about possibilities, the possibilities that everyone possesses in terms of relating to one another, personal growth, healing oneself and restoring hope in the future, compared to the fragmentation, isolation, pressures of day-to-day life, the impersonality of technology, etc.
It is an exciting book to read, a book that virtually anyone can benefit from no matter where they are in their lives. It is, fundamentally, a gift that those of us fortunate to read this book should be grateful Margaret Wheatley wanted to share.
Customer Reviews:
Great Book.......2007-05-12
This book helps to understand the dynamics of not just the dependent's role in addiction but the family as a whole, and what roles they play. I would recommend this book to anyone who has a family member struggling with any addiction or grew up in an abusive family.
Review by Irene Watson, author of "The Sitting Swing.".......2005-11-13
Yes, there is hope and understanding. Wegscheider-Cruse gives a very detailed account of how we play out our birth roles and act them out in dysfuctional situations. Reading this book gave me the best insight of why I displayed certain behaviors. It also gave me an understanding of the roles other people play. Down right insightful! A must read.
A Classic Text On The Effect Of Alcohol On Families.......2004-05-08
I first read this book in 1991 for a substance abuse counseling class. It does a great job of looking at alcoholism from a family systems perspective. The text even discusses issues such as codependent/enabling counselors within the profession.
Beyond it's professional usage is the fact that from the moment I started reading the book, I felt like I was reading about my own family. Finally, someone had put words to every stupid, miserable, confused feeling I had in the family I grew up in. Yes, it is a great intro text if you're planning on becoming a substance abuse counselor. But it's an even better text if you suspect that things in your family of origin weren't so normal after all. This was the book that got me started on my journey towards recovery from codependency. Since family system problems tend find their way into non alcolic families as well, this text is applicable to all kinds of people that may have found themselves growing up in the proverbial "dysfunctional family"
Healing the Trauma to our Soul.......2000-06-02
This book shares how alcoholism is a disease that penetrates the whole person and the whole family. Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse goes through the different roles that people act out in an alcholic family and how each breaks down unity and supports the addictive behavior of the alcoholic. Then, she gives practical ways this system can begin to heal and recover such trauma to the soul. Samuel Oliver, author of, What the Dying Teach Us: Lessons on Living
this is a great piece of work.......2000-01-10
i have read this book twice. One time i have read it for a class i am taking for my major that i am taking. And another time i just read it for refrence and fun. I reccomend this book to all people that know someone from an alcohol dependent family or was in one. i rate this book an A+++
Average customer rating:
- A very fun book
- A very fun book
- Very nice idea! And it works!
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Getting to Know You: 365 Questions, Activities, Observations and Ways to Get to Know Another Person Better
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ASIN: 0915009307 |
Customer Reviews:
A very fun book.......2001-10-01
Has over three hundred questions to start a relationship/friendship with.
My husband and I got such a kick out of asking each other questions and talkinga bout our awnsers. Questions range from Whats your favorite movie, to more personal questions.
I recomend this book to anyone who has a relationship thats a little stale or even just cause.
A very fun book.......2001-10-01
Has over three hundred questions to start a relationship/friendship with.
My husband and I got such a kick out of asking each other questions and talkinga bout our awnsers. Questions range from Whats your favorite movie, to more personal questions.
I recomend this book to anyone who has a relationship thats a little stale or even just cause.
Very nice idea! And it works!.......1999-03-06
This book did wonders for myself and my boyfriend. Most of the questions in the book were things we'd never think to ask one another. It helps get a clearer view of the person you're dating.
Book Description
In North America today, there are 35 million singles over age forty seeking companionship. Almost all of them have experienced disappointing relationships in marriage or love affairs. Another Chance for Love is for anyone who feels as though someone or something is missing from her life; it's about finding the right partner.
In Another Chance for Love, relationship expert Sol Gordon, Ph.D., and self-help writer Elaine Fantle Shimberg take a whole new approach to healthy, successful relationships by providing readers with the proper foundation for finding happiness—avoid focusing on trying to make it happen!
Dr. Gordon and Ms. Shimberg show readers how to:
·Get to know themselves
·Place friendship before romance
·Discover what they want from a relationship
·Understand the masculine mystique
·Find "almost" Mr./Ms. Right
Another Chance for Love provides readers with the soulful guidance they need to make strong choices and live happier, more fulfilling lives.
Customer Reviews:
America's Free Love Crisis of the 60's.......2004-10-12
The too soon intimates, like those of the Baby Boomer's in their hindsight, if truthful, might have approached their lives much more like their parents, at least from the perspective of choosing a mate. So many divorces implies that the choices were less than careful to begin with, suggesting that intimacy may actually impede the process of finding "the" one with whom life can generally always be a joy, and where hardships simply make a couple closer, and strengthens their relationship. The major contribution of fantasy films that draw shallow significance and convert it into meaningful philosophy cannot aid a culture for whom gender differences are already in crisis and where men are taught by society to be patriarchal kings. Inevitably, it is women who do the growing up over the years, and realize the lack of fulfillment much like the slave society discovered the power and pleasure of freedom. Women who read too much emotion into the sexual convenience of males, and attempt to snare them into matrimony are likely to find considerable disappointment years later when life has failed them. It is as great an argument for celibacy as their ever was, and better than most. Even without celibacy, fathers rarely insure their daughters well being and physical care as they once did releasing both men and women to go it alone, and try to take care of themselves, a lottery of accidental proportions. The problem has left millions searching for what they might have had years earlier with greater scrutiny of the persons they chose, having made mountains of lemonaide from lemons. The alternative is that they might have listened to their mother, (or of lesser prominence, their father since most of those are too anxious to get rid of the responsibilities of daughters today and fall into the social traps). The possibility of finding a mate better suited to their personalities is possible, but arduous, and obviously takes more honesty and effort than was devoted to it initially, when "whole lives" are before them, and time is their friend. At older ages, the promise of love comes about slowly, if at all, and with greater appreciation for the personal values of potential mates, at least for women. Many men are seduced into searching for their youth and often find themselves victims of the younger mate's desire to start families, and discover they must do it again whether they choose to or not. The expectations of older mates nearer each other's age is among the most difficult, but also among the most satisfying of relationships since true compatibility is always the objective, and unreasonable expectations have long fallen by the wayside. To most humans, this amounts to being truly loved for your mind and heart, if you are female, and for your perspective and your faults, if you are male. Because the wildness of sex is generally not a part of the decision process, human attraction must rely upon all of our other parts to emphasize our humanity and our tenderness to carry the relationship. While oldsters may be sexually active, this stage may be the truest phase of all love for its cooperative independence where choosing such a love is a choice, and not an illusion. To finally grow old together, couples who choose to depend upon each other are always ready to share with each other, their hopes, their dreams, and their lives.
Inspirational.......2004-03-27
Sometimes it just takes a reminder that the world is full of people who want to connect with other people, and that it is possible to nurture a really close friendship that will be - in itself - very rewarding. All good relationships have a close friendship as the foundation, so what better way plant the seeds for a romantic relationship? And the more seeds you sow, the more likely one is going to thrive and bloom.
This is a good read, very inspiring, and very down to earth.
First be a friend, then a lover = good advice.......2004-03-04
This book combines inspiration with practical, sane guidance. Finding and sustaining love is always a challenge, and the older you get, you more you can become dispirited over your chances of ever finding a suitable partner. Another Chance for Love takes the unusual stance that it's actually friendship that is the answer. Seeking out, valuing, and deepening friendships with reasonably suitable individuals may lead you to a longterm, deep, and abiding love that will make your earlier quest for fireworks seem shallow. Gordon and Shimberg discuss values, trust, communication, humor, and passion (not just for sex, but for life) - among the aspects of a good friend. Relaxing into the safety and flow of an authentic friendship, they explain, is more likely to lead to something richer than if you begin every official "date" with unreal expectations.
Book Description
Discover a unique resource on the "what," "why," and "how" of mutual aid in group settings!
While an impressive body of professional literature attests to the central role of mutual aid in social work practice with groups, what has been lacking is a single source that links the description of mutual aid (what it is, exactly) with practice prescriptions (how to help it come about and flourish in various settings). This book does just that.
This updated edition of the pathbreaking original contains four entirely new chapters that address:
single-session groups
short-term groups
open-ended groups
very large groups
In addition, this book will help you to better understand and make use of mutual-aid perspectives on:
pre-group planning
early group goals and norms
the significance of time and place, and the role of the group worker
individual problem-solving
authority, conflict, and evaluation
Each chapter of The Mutual-Aid Approach to Working with Groups: Helping People Help One Another, Second Edition describes and discusses how to catalyze mutual aid in different settings and systems—including generic and specific obstacles to overcome; offers implications for practice and identifies group-specific skills for reaching each system's full mutual-aid potential.
This new edition of The Mutual-Aid Approach to Working with Groups provides a foundation for practice, examining theories, concepts, and practice principles specific to mutual aid. Readers are directed to ample study resources in key areas via recommended reading lists at the end of each chapter. Case examples are used to help bridge the gap between theory and practice in an immediately useful manner, and handy tables and figures make important points easy to access and understand.
Product Description
A beautifully written and illustrated childrens book of how children cope with the loss of another child to cancer. Ages 3-7 Join Megan as she helps her cousin Brittany on the day Brittany goes to heaven. Megan paints a pretty butterfly with beautiful wings, which Brittany will wear when the angels take her to heaven. An ideal book that opens the door for discussion about the death of a child.
Customer Reviews:
A tender book that opens the door for further discussion about death.......2006-07-19
A beautiful childrens picture book that touches on a subject many of us don't like to talk about, a child's death. This books is sensitive and original in its form. The message of hope, love, and faith helps the child who is reading it to understand that it is okay to feel the way they feel. This book helps to open the door for further discussion on this sensitive topic. The author approaches this subject through the eyes of a child, in language and illustrations that they can relate to. There is no other book like this that completely is focused on the child and their struggles with the death of another child.
Beautifully illustrated, captures the childs thoughts.......2006-06-07
This book helps children open up about the death of another child. The simple, yet effective way the author tells the story of Megan and how she helps her cousin Brittany on the day Brittany goes to heaven by painting butterfly wings for her to wear when the angels come, helps a child to grasp the actuality of death, and to feel that they contributed to their friend/siblings/relatives physical/spiritual journey, no matter how little a gesture. The illustrations are overflowing with emotion. This is the ideal book for anyone who knows a child that is grieving the loss of another child.
Amazon.com
Secondary infertility is often a "hidden" issue, and couples suffering from the inability to have another wanted child often feel caught in the netherworld between the childless infertile and parents of larger families. Harriet Fishman Simons, a clinician specializing in fertility issues and a support group leader for RESOLVE, an advocacy group for infertile individuals, has been involved in infertility issues for over 20 years. In her book Wanting Another Child: Coping with Secondary Infertility, Simons discusses the plight of the secondarily infertile--the awkwardness of being among infertile couples without children, the pain of watching other families conceive again. The book takes a broad-based look at an issue that is becoming more common as more couples rely on fertility treatments to form their families. Simons weaves personal stories with theory and sociological data. She includes chapters on social and emotional issues (the effects of secondary infertility on the couple as well as friends, family, and coworkers), parenting during secondary infertility issues (helping children cope with their parent's secondary infertility), and possible resolutions to and strategies for coping with secondary infertility. Simons's style may be academic, but the information and message is not, and this book is a welcome addition to a new subfield of study. --Ericka Lutz
Customer Reviews:
shared emotions, but no solutions...........2007-10-05
I checked out this book from the library with high hopes of finding answers to my various questions about secondary infertility, but was v. disappointed that it was no more than a collection of experiences sent to the author by a wide variety of people who are living with this infertility. OK so there's a whole community out there who are experiencing similar emotions and questions; what I am looking for are some guidelines and helpful suggestions. The author fails to provide good advice or useful decision-making tools to those dealing with this issue. Although a subject such as secondary infertility has a very large audience, perusing this book made me no wiser in answering questions I have about the situation. 2 pts. for dealing with a topic important to many of us, -3 for not shedding light on my questtions. I failed to see the value-add from the author other than making the reader aware that there are many other people out there grappling with the same issues and emotions. Don't waste your time with this book.
Why is this out of print?.......2005-04-28
I found this book so helpful in making me realize I wasn't alone in this strange mixture of feelings. While I found it helpful to be part of a support group for others suffering from infertility, I also found it difficult at times to relate to those suffering from primary infertility, and I did not want to seem ungrateful for the wonderful child I had when so many people had no child at all. I have passed this book along to several other people and have suggested it to others online -- I only wish it were still in print!
Highly Recommend - it REALLY helped me!!!.......2003-07-03
Where was this book when I REALLY needed it!!! They need to reprint this because there are so many people who could benifit from this book. I have dealt with my secondary infertility for 8 years from childbirth complications. I have never really felt like I "fit in" with the infertile childless and the people who could have more kids. I recommend this book with 5 stars+++. It may bring on some tears but that is part of the process of coming to terms and the grieving process. You will read about how other ladies have dealt with other peoples pregancies, caught between two worlds of the fertile and infertile, how families do not really give the support you hoped for and knowing they still love you, the second child you had in your mind and heart will never be and you have to mourn for that child, validating your idea of what is a family, adoption as an option, and accepting an only child family. It really helped me out a lot to realise I am not alone and validate my feelings that I have had the past 8 years. If you are a good friend or family member dealing with secondary infertility get this and read it then pass it on to your friend. She/he will feel so good that you cared enough to give it.It was written by a RESOLVE counselor. It is an EXCELLENT book for husbands to read because they see this differently in a lot of ways and this book will help them see the wives point of view. I highly recommend it. Please reprint it!!
An Excellent Read for Those Coping, or if You Know Someone.......2001-08-06
I had no expectations when I opened this book, having read a number of books on infertility. What a pleasant surprise to discover that Ms. Fishman Simons knows the subject of secondary infertility so well and provides in her book just what couples experiencing this very much ignored problem need for guidance. While reading it was emotionally difficult at times, I found many perspectives that matched what I had felt and some insightful comments on how to get past secondary infertility. I highly recommend this book to anyone coping with secondary infertility, certainly as a beginning to "recovery," and to family and friends of the secondary infertile couple.
An Excellent Read for Those Coping, or if You Know Someone.......2001-08-06
I had no expectations when I opened this book, having read a number of books on infertility. What a pleasant surprise to discover that Ms. Fishman Simons knows the subject of secondary infertility so well and provides in her book just what couples experiencing this very much ignored problem need for guidance. While reading it was emotionally difficult at times, I found many perspectives that matched what I had felt and some insightful comments on how to get past secondary infertility. I highly recommend this book to anyone coping with secondary infertility, certainly as a beginning to "recovery," and to family and friends of the secondary infertile couple.
Book Description
The late James Lees-Milne (19081998) was among the most celebrated of modern diarists; his published entries (which span the years 1942 through 1974) offer an unparalleled social and cultural portrait of modern and — because of the author's decades in the service of The National Trust — historic Britain. Another Self narrates the author's early life, before his diaries begin: childhood in Worcestershire under the mismatched wings of a þighty mother and an obdurate father; studies at Eton and Oxford; holidays (of remarkable hilarity) in Portugal and bandit-ridden Corsica; army service (remarkably, of equal hilarity) at the start of World War II. What distinguishes this civilized and extraordinarily humorous autobiography is the way Lees-Milne's memories are made to cohere into shapely comedies; each chapter is a set piece of deft characterization, outrageous anecdote, and climactic surprise.
Amazon.com
Mary Pipher, author of the bestselling and groundbreaking Reviving Ophelia, which charts the troubled passage of girls into adolescence, has nimbly covered yet another psychological passage: that into old age, which May Sarton called "a foreign country."
Pipher reveals that the greatest shame for today's elders--most of whom survived the Depression--is not being self-sufficient. The majority of them stoically prefer to keep their feelings to themselves, and this is why it's so difficult to convince older parents to accept or even discuss such issues as physical and mental health, finances, eldercare, or living wills. This directly conflicts with the openness of their children, who grew up in the era of "free love" and were influenced by society (and the advent of psychology in the 1950s and popularization of therapy) to talk frankly about emotions. While a boomer can easily talk with a friend about marriage difficulties or even surgery, an elder is likely to find admitting such "weaknesses" abhorrent.
Another Country includes excerpts of sessions with dozens of Pipher's psychology patients, interspersed with not-so-obvious advice for sensitively communicating with the elderly. Some interviews are grim: one woman hallucinated that rodents were running through her house; she was so desperate for company from her family, but too proud to ask them to stop by, that she invented her own visitors. But the breakthroughs in communication Pipher is able to accomplish, sometimes with the help of grandchildren as intermediaries, are startling and thoroughly encouraging. (For example, the animals the woman was imagining disappeared after she received company regularly.)
Pipher cared for her dying mother for a "horrid," guilt-filled year while this book was being written and says that she wanted "to help others in my situation feel less alone." She also aims to help each generation understand the other. In these goals she's succeeded brilliantly. Any adult struggling with issues with their parents, especially mortality, will find Another Country an indispensable source of suggestions and support. --Erica Jorgensen
Book Description
Mary Pipher's phenomenal New York Times bestseller-a book about us and our parents...
"[Pipher] ventures into communities and then returns to explain their truths and ways of being to the rest of us in clear, clean English. Totally accessible...[Another Country] is a compassionate...look at the disconnect between baby boomers and their aging parents or grandparents." -USAToday
There are more older people in America today than ever before. They are our parents and grandparents, our aunts and uncles and in-laws.They are living longer, but in a culture that has come to worship youth-a culture in which families have dispersed, communities have broken down, and older people are isolated. Meanwhile, adults in two-career families are struggling to divide their time among their kids, their jobs, and their aging parents-searching for the right words to talk about loneliness, forgetfulness, or selling the house.
Another Country is a field guide to this rough terrain for a generation of baby boomers who are finding themselves unprepared to care for those who have always cared for them. Psychologist and bestselling writer Mary Pipher maps out strategies that help bridge the gaps that separate us from our elders. And with her inimitable combination of respect and realism, she offers us new ways of supporting each other-new ways of sharing our time, our energy, and our love.
"In Another Country, [Pipher] observes that to grow old for many people in today's fragmented, age-phobic, age-segregated America is to inhabit a foreign country, isolated, disconnected and misunderstood."-New York Times
"Pipher explores how today's mobile, individualistic, media-drenched culture prevents so many dependent old people, and the relatives trying to do right by them, from getting what they need...her insights will help people of several generations."-The Washington Post
"[Pipher] wrote [Another Country] to help Boomers like herself better understand their parents and grandparents and to glimpse what might await them in their old age."-Chicago Tribune
"Mary Pipher urges baby boomers to stay in tune with their elderly parents' needs...With average life expectancy now in the mid-70s and 2 million Americans turning 65 each year-a number that will skyrocket as the baby boomer generation ages-the stakes are raised for families and societies alike."-People
"The author of Reviving Ophelia unflinchingly takes us into the heart of this largely uncharted territory."-Rocky Mountain News
"A field guide to old age, combining personal stories with social theory."-Boston Globe
"Dr. Pipher sees aging from a broader perspective. [She] emphasizes the need for the elderly to become elders-people who can help us find a deep structure for our communities-[and] she makes a persuasive case for roots."-Christian Science Monitor
"This is a book that thoughtful Boomers can embrace as their own...Another Country looks at issues like care-giving, death, generational relations and the resiliency many elders display in old age. It offers advice on improving our relationships with other generations and with understanding our own passing years."-St. Petersburg Times
"Rich in stories and full in details....For people wondering about their parents' or more poignantly, their own aging."-St. Louis Post-Dispatch
"[Mary Pipher] comes across as neither saint nor scold. [Another Country is] not a how-to book, but a how-to-think book."-Minnesota Star Tribune
Customer Reviews:
Well worth reading.......2006-01-09
The author of the bestseller Reviving Ophelia this times takes us on a journey through the lives of our elders. Following the lead of Bernice Neugarten at the University of Chicago, she distinguishes between the "young-old" and the "old-old". This book focuses mainly on the later, telling the stories of people who are coping with loss and illness.
While individual differences are always present, Pipher see trends among those in the "old-old" group, as well as among their families and children. Being able to anticipate and appreciate these commonalities, she believes, will ultimately be our best route to communicating with and honoring our elders.
She calls cultural differences between the generations time-zone problems. Some are obvious, such as differences in attitudes towards authority. Others seem obvious only when she points them out to us, such as the fact that our parents' generation was "pre-irony". Without recognizing these differences, we are bound to be frustrated with each other.
In what she calls "the saddest chapter in this book", the author compares the old-old to victims of chronic post traumatic stress disorder, people overwhelmed by inevitable multiple losses and threats. It is a uninviting concept, one we would prefer to discard or at least put a positive spin on.
Yet the trauma of old age can also be the catalyst for our ultimate growth and integration. Pipher tells us that "each of us will experience our ship going down...From our responses come the best and worst stories".
Even in her stories of those elders who end their lives bitter and aggrieved, there is sometimes healing in those who are left. Adult children reconcile with siblings and with themselves. Teenage grandchildren come into the circle.
And in many heartwarming stories of resilient, courageous elders, the author helps us come to appreciate the dignity and peace that can exist alongside the losses.
The book is practical as well. Facilities which have successfully integrated the care of the young and the old are described. Programs which have paired schoolchildren with elders come to life with personal stories. Tales of foster grandparents make us realize how little we have utilized these powerful resources so far.
There is much starkness here, but also much hope. Hope that we can do a much better job addressing the needs of the old-old members of our tribe. Perhaps the demandingness of our baby boomer generation will serve us well in this regard. We're all heading in the same direction.
Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders.......2005-08-19
This book is written in a readable style that holds your interest. I bought it to help understand my elderly father who is suffering from dementia, but I found it told me a lot about myself and what I will want and need in the next 20 years. Mary Pipher's insightful and easy to understand.
Another country: the tourist perspective.......2003-11-29
Not being "old-old" myself, with both parents dead, I picked up this book out of curiosity. Piper does not mince words. She says at the outset, "Old age is not for sissies," and she goes on to describe life as an old person in a country designed for the young. It's an apt metaphor: the old learn a new language and a new terrain.
Pipher offers creative solutions that are not always easy, as she herself is the first to admit. Not everyone is equipped to be a caretaker. And as a society we do not have the infrastructure to deal with the challenges that increase daily.
Ironically, she notes that having a purpose in life will keep us young longer: the 85-year-old woman with an overaged dependent son may seem indulgent to outsiders, but she has a reason to get up every day. Yet at the same time, challenging work and respect from the community -- the source of purpose for most of us -- will be denied by a society that worships youth.
Pipher seems to be selling us on the importance of caring for the elderly. It's a way our own children will learn respect for the family and for us, she says. Yet many of us will not have children of our own. Today something like one-third of households have only one member. Being single or childless is no longer "odd." And sometimes a parent disappears from a child's life, only to re-appear in a time of need. There's no basis for a relationship -- it's not about healing but about building a relationship with a stranger .
Pipher does not address these topics, but the thousands of midlife adults who face aging parents will say she's offered more than enough to benefit her readers.
Baby Boomers' Guide to Aging Parents.......2003-03-01
They raised us on Dr. Spock. Not the pointy-eared Nimoyian character on Star Trek! Dr. Benjamin Spock, the Baby Doc! And Mary Pipher has done for the children what Spock did for our parents - answered perplexing questions like "Why do they do that?" and "What can I do?"
Pipher's thesis is that "Knowing when people were born allows us to predict attitudes and behaviors. A person from a specific era will have a certain `collective consciousness.'" She explains that we dwell in "different cultural time zones." This explains, for instance, why Mom and Aunt Em save all those few tiny bites of leftover food that they then leave in the refridgerator to turn green - the hoarding tendencies wrought by the Great Depression and rationing on the Homefront during World War II.
I am currently moving my parents to an Assisted Living Facility and this book is an important resource. I highly recommend it. Reviewed by TundraVision.
Don't Wait Until Later....Read it Now!.......2000-10-04
I cried, I laughed and I sighed at the grim truths and revelations in Mary Pipher's book on aging and the place held in our society by our elderly citizens. I folded so many page corners over for review that the book looks like a favorite old cook book. I wish I had read this book before my parents entered old-old age. I was not raised with any grandparents nearby, so had no examples for what to expect and how to deal with and care for aging parents. Growing old with dignity and dealing with declining health and eventually death is the hardest passage of our lives. None of the other passages as individuals, parents or spouses can compare to these challenges. Adolescence, puberty, child-birth, child-rearing, divorce...all seem like a walk through the park in comparison.
Having said that, we all need to read the book before our parents reach the old-old phase (although who knows exactly when that might happen). If you're in your 40's or 50's, chances are you should be reading this book. Although the book doesn't provide any recipes or procedures for dealing with the issues of the aging, it does provide valuable insights and suggestions into attitudes, fears, and concerns of both the aged and their care-givers.
We just assumed that mother would ask for help when she needed it, but her pride, reluctance to communicate and fierce need to be independent would not allow her to admit how needy and frail she had become. We finally discovered how badly she had deteriorated (although she still wouldn't admit it), and are still regretting that we didn't intervene sooner. She's now in a convalescent hospital, sometimes stoically accepting her condition, but sometimes angry, depressed and resentful. I'm sure I'll pick up the book and read it again as we find our way through this passage. And then when I become a young-old and finally an old-old, hopefully I'll be able to remember the valuable life lessons I'm acquiring now.
Customer Reviews:
Whammo!.......2006-05-11
Ever wonder why your spouse can't handle criticism? Ever wonder why they are a perfectionist? I just sort of accidentally ran into a passage of this book somewhere on the net. Found it here and Whammo! Nail on the Head! I felt like I had found my personal bible/instruction manual for someone who was close to me.
The crazy thing about alcohol abuse in grandparents is that it doesn't get reported to their grandkids very often (90%). When it does get reported, its only because it was so bad that it couldn't be helped. More importantly, the new 'dysfunctions' that occur in the children of alcoholics begin a new family legacy that get handed down and modified over the years/generations.
This book provides insight on how alcoholism affects families down the road and shows what to look for. It can't cure you, but it provides some strategies for handling situations and new ways of thinking that will liberate you or your loved one from a life of victimization.
It is most helpful to read this book with Janet Woititz "Adult Children of Alcoholics". But you will not be disappointed. I think this book should be taught in public schools.
These books do not judge. In fact, they attempt to give credit to alcoholic parents and grandparents. They did the best they could or knew how to do.
If your family is unhappy in the least, these two books may change the way that you help lead them through the bad times. You can't always change other people. But you can understand them and you can change yourself and STOP the cycle.
Books:
- Vanished Splendors: A Memoir
- WACK!: Art and the Feminist Revolution
- Zero: The Biography of a Dangerous Idea
- 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD: How to Overcome Chronic Distraction and Accomplish Your Goals (10 Simple Solutions)
- A Guide to Elegance: For Every Woman Who Wants to Be Well and Properly Dressed on All Occasions
- A History of Western Philosophy: The Classical Mind, Volume I (History of Western Philosophy)
- An Encyclopedia of Women Artists of the American West (American Studies Series)
- Andy Goldsworthy: A Collaboration with Nature
- Andy Warhol: Giant Size
- Audubon's Birds of America: The Audubon Society Baby Elephant Folio
Books Index
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