Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • Not only applies to heterosexual couples....
  • Helped me.
  • Good book but there is one better
  • HELPED ME UNDERSTAND
  • This book helped me realize that I wasn't crazy!
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why
Susan Forward , and Joan Torres
Manufacturer: Bantam
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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  5. Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go

ASIN: 0553381415
Release Date: 2002-01-02

Book Description

Is this the way love is supposed to feel?

• Does the man you love assume the right to control how you live and behave?
• Have you given up important activities or people to keep him happy?
• Is he extremely jealous and possessive?
• Does he switch from charm to anger without warning?
• Does he belittle your opinions, your feelings, or your accomplishments?
• Does he withdraw love, money, approval, or sex to punish you?
• Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship?
• Do you find yourself “walking on eggs” and apologizing all the time?

If the questions here reveal a familiar pattern, you may be in love with a misogynist — a man who loves you, yet causes you tremendous pain because he acts as if he hates you.

In this superb self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the voices of men and women trapped in these negative relationships to help you understand your man’s destructive pattern and the part you play in it.

She shows how to break the pattern, heal the hurt, regain your self-respect, and either rebuild your relationship or find the courage to love a truly loving man.

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars Not only applies to heterosexual couples...........2007-09-11

This book was especially fascinating for me because it describes the same dynamics that can occur in gay relationships. Unfortunately, abuse and humiliation goes beyond heterosexual men.

5 out of 5 stars Helped me........2007-09-10

Fantastic book, helped me to understand what I am currently going through in my life. Would recommend to anyone in a relationship who feels they just can't seem to get thier point across to thier significatn other.

4 out of 5 stars Good book but there is one better.......2007-03-31

This is a good book about men who hurt women. I found it very useful, but I did find one better (on Amazon, in fact) called "Why Does he do That?" The subtitle is "Inside the minds of angry and controlling men." I think, for the experience the author (of "Men Who Hate Women...") has had, she does quite well and it makes a good pre-read for the other one.Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

5 out of 5 stars HELPED ME UNDERSTAND.......2007-01-10

This book is excellent, giving women (who have or are being abused emotionally) an understanding of the thoughts and motives that direct this type of abuse.

5 out of 5 stars This book helped me realize that I wasn't crazy!.......2006-08-11

My relationship with my ex-husband was abusive, to say the least, but did not seem to manifest the typical patterns of domestic violence. At the time, I was a graduate student with strong ambitions, and an even stronger will...but I couldn't understand why my ex-husband seemed to take pleasure in humiliating me, undermining my accomplishments, and trying to convince me that I was crazy (traits that he only began to exhibit after we were married)! Forward's book gave me the strength to heal, and the courage to pursue a divorce from my abusive ex-husband. This book provided me with, not only theorietical explanations for my ex-husband's mood swings and bizarre behavior, but also a foundation for me to attain some clarity about my toxic relationship patterns. The symptoms and case studies of the "misogynist" eerily described my ex-husband, as well as, every man that I have had a romantic relationship with! Thus, some of the material can be difficult to accept about yourself and your relationships, but this book is essential if you are ready to put an end to the abuse
How to Fall out of Love: How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts--and Find the Love That Heals...
Average customer rating: 4 out of 5 stars
  • Falling Out of Love
  • Helped me
  • Hard hitting
  • Very insightful really hit home
  • Clinical to say the least
How to Fall out of Love: How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts--and Find the Love That Heals...
Dr. Debora Phillips , and Robert Judd
Manufacturer: Grand Central Publishing
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Mass Market Paperback

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  3. Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go
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ASIN: 0446314080

Customer Reviews:

4 out of 5 stars Falling Out of Love.......2007-08-03

Face it ... when you buy this book on how to fall out of love, chances are you are hurting. This book takes a behaviorist approach to breaking an obsessive connection to a person who you still love but who, for whatever reason, is no longer available to you.

There's an old joke that says that every time a dog salivates, a behaviorist psychologist somewhere has to quick run and ring a bell. But there is this ... the behaviorist approach can have quick positive results in certain situations, and rescuing people from helpless love is one of those situation. Other books on this topic seem to spend all their time endlessly describing the behaviors of people who are compulsive-obsessive about someone. This little book gets right down to cases, giving guidelines for a step by step practical program to help get your mind off that "special person" who occupied it hundreds of times a day.

Beginning with this technique of "thought stopping", the authors continue with a series of steps to take the reader through the process of breaking the old connection and forming a connection with a new partner successfully. Those who love obsessively have experienced the terrible situation where the former lover that you can't forget becomes a "third wheel" on a new romance. This book shows, step by step, how that can be prevented as well.

All in all, a very good practical approach to a vexing problem that many people who love deeply will face at some time in their lives.

5 out of 5 stars Helped me.......2006-09-02

This book helped me a great deal with my own relationship problems. I also reccomend Confusing Love with Obsession by John D. Moore

5 out of 5 stars Hard hitting.......2006-03-30

This is a good book for getting an unproductive or destructive relationship out of your head much more quickly and permanently than time alone will. Be sure you want to before you start. There's even the possibility you could become "just friends" without wanting to repeat past mistakes.

The authors warn you up front, there are some raw psychological approaches used here, where you deliberately change your view of a person. Moving from adoration, to silliness, to outright ugliness if need be, you reverse the "attractive" thought processes that get us so caught up in the first place. If you keep an open mind and just do it you may be surprised at the results. Mr./Ms. unshakeable weren't always up on a golden pedestal and if you know they shouldn't be, this is your chance to quit reinforcing it, break it down, and move on to better things.

5 out of 5 stars Very insightful really hit home.......2005-12-09

I actually found this book in the free donated books section of the library and I needed help with this subject. I was skeptical at first but in reading it, I was amazed at how close the ideas in the book hit home. I started trying them and they are working.

This is an excellent book, it may not help everyone but at the price you can find this for used here, why not give it a try. For me, it was brilliant.

2 out of 5 stars Clinical to say the least.......2005-11-12

I think this book has a heart that is in the right place, but I just couldn't get on board with some of the messages (see review below me!).

I did find a forum online that was very helpful to me and an ebook that helped me to deal with my breakup. I recommend
The BreakUp Workbook as well as their forum to help you deal with a man that has wrecked you!
Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go
Average customer rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • obssesive relationships
  • Get over that "one magic person"
  • An encouragement, but not a one-size-fits-all cure
  • Why good relationships end.
  • This book is for everybody. Get it.
Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go
Susan Forward , and Craig Buck
Manufacturer: Bantam
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0553381423
Release Date: 2002-01-02

Book Description

Is it impossible to let go — despite the pain?

• Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available to you?
• Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
• When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
• Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for the phone to ring?

Do you wish someone would let go of you?

• Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it’s over?
• Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
• Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your physical or emotional well-being?

In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the grip of obsessive passion.

Whether you’re an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession, here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the “connection compulsion,” what causes it, and how to break its hold on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free relationships.

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars obssesive relationships.......2007-08-17



This is the best book that truly spoke to obsessive lovers. I had a hard time putting the book down becuase I related to so many of the people inside. Finally, someone has written a book for both women and men about obsessive, addictive relationships. I feel like I have new insight into problem and can start making positive changes in my life. Excellent book for anyone caught up in another person.



5 out of 5 stars Get over that "one magic person".......2007-07-14

I hate those reviewers who write, "this book changed my life," but this book saved my life. I was able to quit a very toxic relationship after 3 years while reading this book. The exercises really help because it's so eye opening to finally see on paper our unhealthy patterns and behaviors. Her section that explains the difference between feelings and thoughts is very enlightening since most of us seem to confuse the two in our communications (saying, "I felt like the movie was kind of slow," when we really mean, "I think this movie is slow, and I feel bored, restless.") This book can really help you get your life back in balance when you think you just can't live without that one magic person.

4 out of 5 stars An encouragement, but not a one-size-fits-all cure.......2007-01-29

I have struggled three times with "obsessive love," and am now struggling a fourth time. When I first saw this book, I was encouraged to know that I'm not alone, and that I have a documented psychological condition with documented remedies. Unfortunately, however, I was expecting too much, and was disappointed. There is no easy one-size-fits-all solution, and I was left with more questions than answers at the end of the book.

Based on the cover, you would imagine that most of this book would be devoted to practical advice for obsessive lovers. Not so. The first section (pages 1-106) is just a symptomatic description of the problem, illustrated with numerous stories from Dr Forward's clients. She starts with an outline of the emotional process in an obsessive lover's mind - the constant fear of rejection, and ultimate denial of rejection, leading to a totally unrealistic view of the relationship. The chapter is padded with more examples than it needs, but it gets the point across: if you're an obsessive lover, you will now be in no doubt about it. In the following chapters, she goes on to talk about progressive levels of obsessive behavior: frequent phone calls, unwanted gifts, stalking, anger, revenge and ultimately murder (!). I lost the thread right at the beginning of this list. Obsessive behavior for me means pacing around my apartment, sleeping all day, bad eating habits, distraction from work, but never any obvious personal harrassment.

I plowed on, skipping through some of the bizarre and irrelevant stories, mildly encouraged that things could be a lot worse. The second section (pages 107-168) deals with obsessive love from the target's point of view: how to free yourself from an obsessive lover. That's probably useful information if you're in that situation, but not if you're the obsessor, as is probably the case for most readers.

Next we have a chapter about the possible root causes of obsessive love, namely bad experiences during childhood (pages 169-193). Dr Forward suggests that most obsessive lovers have suffered rejection by parents, peers or early lovers, and that our adult lovers are an emotional substitute. Interesting theory, but does it help? Not really.

Finally, in pages 194-278, we reach the meat of the book. A practical guide to overcoming obsessive love. Dr Forward leads you through a step-by-step process of identifying destructive triggers and behaviors in our lives, and systematically making more constructive choices. Part of the therapy involves a two-week "emotional vacation" away from your lover, with absolutely no contact permitted. The system sounds sensible, if you have the discipline to go through with it - though some aspects are embarrassingly silly (sticking little STOP signs all over your house!). I think it would be difficult to apply without human accountablility.

My biggest complaint, speaking personally, is that this book makes too many assumptions about your situation. In most of the cases where I've become obsessed, I have not been outright rejected. My "targets" wanted to remain as close platonic friends after the casual romance ended, since we had already been friends before dating. They didn't understand, or even realize, that I was going through agony with the friendship. In two cases, the situation was left open-ended, i.e. "I can't handle a serious relationship right now; let's just be friends, and see where we end up when our lives are less chaotic," etc. All of Dr Forward's examples deal with more explosive break-ups or cheating partners, and not with nice friends who just don't want a serious relationship. How do you separate yourself from a friend who doesn't even know you're obsessed, when THEY are the ones initiating all the contact? I have other friends who have suffered in similar ways, but Dr Forward has nothing to say on this scenario. She also doesn't deal adequately with "passive obsessors" - people who act out their obsession by withdrawing themselves from the world, instead of phoning, stalking, etc. Forcing yourself NOT to do something is a tangible objective - but when your obsession drains away all your energy, and all you can do is sleep or stare at the wall, this surely requires a different sort of therapy. Some of her ideas may help in this case (eradicating sensual triggers, increasing physical exercise, etc), but depression itself will still be a hard thing to overcome without professional help.

5 out of 5 stars Why good relationships end........2006-05-04

After I had 3 long term relationships end. I decided to look for help. A counselor recommended I read Susan's book. Wow what an eye opening experience. Many of the situations she outlines in the book parallel my relationships. It helped me take a fresh look at the way I think about love and relationships. It doesn't take too long to read and has totally changed my life. If you think your obsessing you should read this book. And start enjoying fun and healthy relationships instead of poisoning your life.

5 out of 5 stars This book is for everybody. Get it........2006-04-15

This book is for everybody. Everybody has had the experience of not wanting to let go, or letting go and finding it extremely painful. Hardly anybody does the strange things Forward describes her clients doing, but the insights she offers on how to deal with one's feelings speak to the universal human experience. I decided to write off "relationships" years ago, but reading this book was just the thing to find closure and put an end to that part of my life permanently. Whether you are writing off one "relationship" or writing off all "relationships" the way I did, Forward can help you and how.

The book could benefit from a good editor. I was not at all interested in reading about her weird clients, which took up at least half the book, and some of them are really major league weird. But after a few pages you learn to "zap" that part the same way you "zap" commercials on your VCR. Her comments on why people find "relationships" so painful and ultimately not worth bothering with and where those feelings originate and how to get rid of them are pure gold and well worth reading. I cannot recommend a better resource.

Also, readers who have heard Forward on the radio should know that the book is not at all obnoxious, despite the way she comes across in her show. Whoever wrote this book (Forward or an uncredited ghost) strikes you as someone you would feel very comfortable turning to for advice.

Get it. You will be glad you did.

When Anger Hurts Your Relationship: 10 Simple Solutions for Couples Who Fight
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • Every couple needs this book.
  • When Anger Hurts your Relationship
When Anger Hurts Your Relationship: 10 Simple Solutions for Couples Who Fight
Paleg
Manufacturer: New Harbinger
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 1572242604

Book Description

Psychologists Kim Paleg and Matthew McKay offer couples a variety of tools and strategies to reduce conflict, diffuse rage, and move beyond repeated confrontations to regain a loving relationship. Each chapter presents proven techniques to help couples experience respectful anger, reconcile differences, and begin to heal.

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars Every couple needs this book........2007-02-19

I found the situations to be almost as if she wrote this book about me. Everyone in a relationship needs to read it. May help cut down on divorces.

5 out of 5 stars When Anger Hurts your Relationship.......2007-01-09

I have read many books on anger and for couples who have distorted anger, this one is the winner. I also recommend the book "Getting Over getting Mad", by Judy Ford. It explained the importance of anger in our lives and how it "is an indispensable emotion, which when used productively allows us to develop ourselves and our relationships. Its only "when anger covers up pain and fear", that it "clogs our energy, dilutes our joy, and keeps us off track, going in circles, making no headway. Instead of helping us, anger becomes self-defeating." The book has ideas for managing anger in a positive way.
Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage
Average customer rating: 4 out of 5 stars
  • Healing the Hurt
  • An Important Book for Both Engaged and Married Couples
Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage
Gary Rosberg , and Barbara Rosberg
Manufacturer: Tyndale House Publishers
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 1589971043

Book Description

All marriage relationships face hurts and conflicts on several levels, but not many of us know how to deal with them effectively--so we don't. Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage walks couples through a very manageable step-by-step process of understanding different styles of conflict resolution and then encourages them toward forgiveness and healing.

Customer Reviews:

4 out of 5 stars Healing the Hurt.......2007-05-24

If you are looking for a Christ centered book to help with your marriage then this would be a good choice. This book uses readings from the Bible to help support how a Christ centered relationship will enrich your love of Christ and in turn will deepen your love for your spouse. When a couple has a Christ centered marriage they lead their children to Christ.

4 out of 5 stars An Important Book for Both Engaged and Married Couples.......2004-06-28

In HEALING THE HURT IN YOUR MARRIAGE, Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg are on a mission: to divorce-proof America's marriages. "You and your marriage are the devil's intended victims...Satan would like nothing better than to discourage you, debilitate your marriage, and add another crippled or broken family to his ledger," write the Rosbergs. As hosts of the nationally syndicated radio program "America's Family Coaches...Live!" they've heard myriad tales from wounded couples teetering on the brink of divorce, and have helped them put their marriages back together.

The authors believe that after the honeymoon fades and "the Novocain of naïveté wears off" many marriages suffer from unresolved conflict that causes hurt and anger. "If we do not learn to close the loop on our conflicts, our marriages will be at risk for sliding toward disconnection, discord, and possibly emotional divorce," write the Rosbergs.

The book is salted with scriptural models for resolving conflict, diagrams, and anecdotal stories modeling problems with hurt and anger. There's Zach, who lets his mother run his life, and his wife Jan, whose anger over the situation is eating her up. Laura's husband is a workaholic, and she cries herself to sleep over his neglect. Jack works the night shift, and comes home unexpectedly to find his wife in the arms of a man from their Bible study group.

Every spouse will hurt their partner in some way, believe the Rosbergs. "It's not a question of if, only when." What separates those who head for divorce court and those whose marriages last is how the couple will resolve the conflict and hurt that they feel, they believe. The Rosbergs see three things that keep couples moving in the right direction: the couple acknowledges that they will cause each other pain from time to time, the couple learns what to do when conflicts and pain occur, and the couple puts God's plan for resolving conflict into practice.

With this in mind, the Rosbergs give readers a biblically-based plan to carry out all three steps, beginning with the idea of "the loop." The loop of conflict begins when your spouse offends you in some way. Until it is resolved, the loop remains open. At some point you reach the fork in the road --- the choice to close the loop or leave it open. Once forgiving love is exercised, the loop is closed.

Forgiving love, as seen by the Rosbergs, is a six-stage process: preparing the heart, diffusing anger, communicating concerns, confronting, forgiving, and rebuilding trust. Each stage is explored in detail, and includes examples of couples working through that particular step. Although the Rosbergs encourage couples to say no to divorce, they are also realistic, giving some examples of couples who don't make it. "Reconciliation can occur only when both spouses want it and pursue it through whole forgiveness."

The Rosbergs also look at the origins of marital conflicts, including family background differences, personality differences, values differences, and differences between the sexes. They also examine various types of anger (situational, displaced) and our responses to anger (protecting ourselves, exploding, denying, stuffing). Healing is hampered when pride, guilt, laziness, shame, and fear throw a "red light" that stops us on our journey toward resolution, they write.

"Unless you and your spouse learn how to work through your hurt and anger, you will likely find yourself on an emotional roller coaster that never slows down," write the authors. "Unresolved anger evolves into bitterness and resentment." The unresolved conflicts are part of the "open loops," and closing every "loop" as soon as possible is vital to divorce-proofing your marriage, they write.

They also examine cultural messages about conflict resolution, including messages from the media, advice from friends and family members, and instructions given by the church. Some of the most enjoyable illustrations in the book are when characters from the television sitcom "Everybody Loves Raymond" are used to illustrate five common conflict resolution styles. The couple writes with one voice, occasionally switching to first person accounts when they share personal marital anecdotes, which makes for a smooth read. Their plan for resolving conflict and managing anger and hurt flows in an orderly and logical way, with plenty of subheads to help the reader stay on track.

With virtually no Christian extended family left untouched by divorce, the Rosbergs have a ready-made readership. Engaged couples will find this book a great discussion starter, and married couples could find it a marriage-saver.

--- Reviewed by Cindy Crosby
The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love
Average customer rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • OK read to help open doors
  • A book that could change lives
  • Must read for anyone with family problems
  • Every one should read.
  • what a life changer
The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love
Angelyn Miller
Manufacturer: Hats Off Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 1587360675

Book Description

DO YOU CONFUSE BEING NEEDED WITH BEING LOVED? DO YOU RELATE TO OTHERS BY TAKING CARE OF THEM? ARE THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU UNABLE TO STAND ON THEIR OWN TWO FEET? Co-dependency--of which enabling is a major dynamic--can and does exist in families where there is no active chemical dependency. Author Angelyn Miller's own experience is a dramatic example: the ultimate "super-mom", neither Miller nor her husband drank. Yet in spite of her best efforts, she found her family disintegrating. The more she tried to help, the worse things got, until she discovered that "helping" was the problem. Using her own family as an example, Miller tells how she came to the painful realization that she was an enabler. The enabler protects others from the consequences of their actions. By always taking responsibility for those around them, enablers hurt the very people they love the most. Gradually, she learned to alter her behavior and broke the cycle of co-dependence. In this book she offers insights, techniques, and hope, showing how enabling relationships can be transformed into healthy ones.

Customer Reviews:

3 out of 5 stars OK read to help open doors.......2007-07-08

This book is a good read to start to unlock those hidden doors in our lives.

5 out of 5 stars A book that could change lives.......2007-06-27

I bought this book, The Enabler, for my mother-in-law because the title and description seem to fit her perfectly. However, as I read the book from cover-to-cover I quickly realized that there were some enabling "issues" that were in my life as well. This book is written in friendly, easy terms; it doesn't use language that is over the average person's head. Since the author, Angelyn Miller, wrote about her personal life, I felt that I could connect with her on a personal level, and I am hoping that my mother-in-law can do the same. If a person who is an enabler would truly take this book to heart, it could literally change that person's life - for the better. The book is very straight-forward, and it even has "worksheets" and exercises to help the reader become the person that he/she would like to be.

5 out of 5 stars Must read for anyone with family problems.......2007-01-09

Although this book is very short, it is very helpful. I bought this book to understand other family members, and learned quite a bit. I've also passed the book on to others in the family.
I highly recommend anyone read this who is interested in understanding why family members, or even friends do the things they do.

4 out of 5 stars Every one should read........2006-12-19

My son has a drug addiction and problems with commitment. This book helped me to understand our roles and the directions we should take.

5 out of 5 stars what a life changer.......2003-09-09

Well, I was in a reahb center when my thearapist offered for me to read this book. I put it off for a few weeks when finally I picked it up to be amazed. It is a book that will help all of those who know they are enablers, think they are enablers, or sometimes likes to help a friend out in need. It is an eye opener. I recomend this book to just about anyone, even those who use enablers for their advantage. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did!
101 Mississippi Delta Blues Cotton Picking Guitar Licks (Book and CD) (Red Dog Music Books Fingerpicking Guitar Series)
Average customer rating: Not rated
    101 Mississippi Delta Blues Cotton Picking Guitar Licks (Book and CD) (Red Dog Music Books Fingerpicking Guitar Series)
    Larry McCabe
    Manufacturer: Red Dog Music Books
    ProductGroup: Book
    Binding: Spiral-bound

    GuitarGuitar | Instruments & Performers | Music | Entertainment | Subjects | Books
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    ASIN: B000OD4QT4

    Product Description

    This superb fingerpicking reference book features 101 authentic, traditional blues fingerstyle licks for guitar. The goldmine of licks is divided into the following categories: Four-beat licks; Eight-beat licks; Introductions and turnarounds. The licks are written in both standard notation and guitar tablature, and recorded at a moderate speed on the companion CD. This is not a method book for beginners, but a nice collection of licks for guitarists who have some fingerstyle ability and want to do some exploring. Another GREAT guitar book from Red Dog Music Books.
    If It Hurts, It Isn't Love: And 365 Other Principles to Heal and Transform Your Relationships
    Average customer rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
    • This author is very insightful
    • If It Hurts, It Isn't Love
    • Great, if you're otherwise engaged in a relationship....
    • Giving isn't the answer
    • Deep wisdom and advice on relationships and life
    If It Hurts, It Isn't Love: And 365 Other Principles to Heal and Transform Your Relationships
    Chuck Spezzano Ph.D. , and Robert Holden
    Manufacturer: Marlowe & Company
    ProductGroup: Book
    Binding: Paperback

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    ASIN: 1569246343

    Book Description

    In If It Hurts, It Isn't Love, author Chuck Spezzano finds truth in simple insights: What I think I need is what I am called to give. Depression is the fear that something new will leave me. When someone gets angry at me, there is a lesson for me to learn. Jealousy is a birthing place. These principles show how to look afresh at one's most important relationships, in a way that heals pain and brings love and forgiveness. After each principle, the author gives brief exercises that nudge readers further, prompting them to absorb the insights even more deeply.

    Customer Reviews:

    5 out of 5 stars This author is very insightful.......2006-01-04

    This book is well thought out and explained. There are 366 passages, with a title/lesson and a through explanation following to incorporate that lesson. Each is given one full page (an extra for the lucky leap year.) The author's writing is spiritual in nature and full of much wisdom. You do not have to read this book front to back but open it to anywhere, to read just one lesson for the day.

    Obviously this book is way over the previous reviewers head. Heck this is a simple book with much wisdom but, you must be willing to do some self reflecting and have accountability for your actions, to make the magic of these words happen! If you do not have the patience to look within, then don't buy this book.

    I'd like to address what the other reviewer ('bunnyrabbit4') found so ridicules and I find so wise. This is paraphrasing of the authors intent. Principle #168, "If I'm attracted to someone then I have a gift for them." This means when we feel a certain pull towards another we have something to offer them. There is a reason why we feel a pull towards some and not towards others. The author explains that we should not enter into a relationship with the attitude of what can I get out of it. This is not about constantly doing for another or to just keep on giving to try and win approval, God no... but being the gift without expectations attached. The gift comes from our soul. #169 "If I give up being right, I'll be happy" We are so caught up in being right that we close ourselves off and block all else out. Wanting to be right at any expense comes from an inflated ego. We would rather argue to be right, then to be happy and have love in our hearts. We don't have to win every disagreement; we need to pick our battles carefully. This is a powerful one for me and one that I hope to master some day.
    The one most disliked by previous reviewer is principal #92 ..good ol' 92 about anger... We must be accountable for our own feelings. Our anger is an attempt to project on to another our own feelings, and pretend the very thing we are angry about has nothing to do with us. This is about being accountable. All anger is an imbalance in our own nature. We choose how we react to situations. A person can insult you and you can become enraged and blame your whole rotten day on them or, you can consider the source and even have pity on then. Why, because all anger is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. *Some of the titles of the lessons may not be so clear to some people but, the authors message is insightful and right on track.

    Also this book is great for a single person contrasting what another reviewer said. Heal yourself before you enter your next relationship, to attract a more healthy future partnership. Restated do not buy this book if you are trying to change someone else; it is only for those that are willing to look within. Hope this helps.

    4 out of 5 stars If It Hurts, It Isn't Love.......2005-10-19

    Anyone who has had the great fortune to attend at a seminar with Chuck Spezzano knows that the daily principles in this book can be transformational. They are lessons which I try to live by. They are reminders that I have the power to make profound changes in my life and that all changes are my choice. They are lessons to remind me that I am not a victim of circumstance but have the ability to move past my issues and be happier and healthier. This book is essential for me to stay on my spiritual path and I keep it close by. I think Chuck Spezzano is a brilliant man who has searched his own soul and now chooses to share it with us.

    3 out of 5 stars Great, if you're otherwise engaged in a relationship...........2005-04-06

    but not so good, for a single person, trying to work through issues related to personal growth, reaching out, and the perils of being single in today's over-stressed world. I was touched by Dr. Spezzono's spiritually, even as a non-church-going person. His writing is descriptive, meditative and easy to comprehend, even for those not currently involved in a relationship. Every married couple should give this book a try.

    1 out of 5 stars Giving isn't the answer.......2005-03-18

    A host of self-defeating or perhaps ill-advised statements intermixed with a few good questions you should ask yourself. He has some nice ideas but it would have been better to write two books, one for those who have trouble giving and one for those who give too much. The title is part of the problem, "If it hurts, it isn't love"... So how do I fix the hurt? Certainly not with principle #168, "If I'm Attracted to a person I have a gift for them." Many people who equate love with hurt are chronic givers who feel that just being is never enough. The same goes for #169, "If I give up being right I'll be happy." He associates this with the inner guilt of knowing we are wrong. Huh? Many people who don't fair well in love have been raised to be hyper-sensitive to the feelings of others. They have to work very hard to put their feelings first and often feel WRONG when they do.. #92 is my all time favorite..."Anger is blaming others for what I think I did". If you have even a drop of insecurity that one should grab your attention. I just hope you aren't getting this book to figure out how to deal with Mr. Wrong after all your friends, 10 online psychics and 6 therapists have told you to drop him!
    There are some good suggestions in this book but most just advise you to GIVE GIVE GIVE AND GIVE AGAIN. I think most of us need to learn to save save save something for ourselves.

    5 out of 5 stars Deep wisdom and advice on relationships and life.......2002-07-17

    Chuck Spezzano has packed a tremendous number of inspired and practical insights into this book. There are so many psychological perspectives on relationships and life in general that I suspect everyone can find something here to inspire them. The layout of 366 statements with corresponding explanations and exercises is accessible and easy to dip into for a spot of inspiration or guidance now and again.

    "A Course In Miracles" is acknowledged as a major influence by the author and many of his ideas have that flavour about them. As someone who struggled with A.C.I.M. I am always grateful to come across similar profound wisdom in a more digestible form. Thank you Chuck!

    Some examples... "Intimacy can heal anything", "Forgiveness changes perception", "Every fantasy is an expectation", "A bad feeling is released by true giving", "Everyone's actions reflect my choices", "The ultimate goal is total dependence on the universe", "I can be in heaven with every person I meet", "Commitment means being true to myself", "Every expectation is a fear of the future". Each idea is practically explained and developed with a corresponding exercise. Well worth the effort and self-reflection, even if you don't agree with all of it. Excellent.
    Healing the Sensitive Heart: How to Stop Getting Hurt, Build Your Inner Strength, and Find the Love You Deserve
    Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    • Good advice.
    • This book combined with ýPsychic Giftsý can change your Life
    • This is not just for those with a Sensitive Heart.
    • Excellent Book!
    • Healing the Wounds that Bind Us
    Healing the Sensitive Heart: How to Stop Getting Hurt, Build Your Inner Strength, and Find the Love You Deserve
    Debra Mandel
    Manufacturer: Adams Media Corporation
    ProductGroup: Book
    Binding: Paperback

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    Accessories:
    1. Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer

    ASIN: 1580627080

    Book Description

    Childhood wounds—whether from parents, siblings, teachers, or any other source—often leave us vulnerable to developing a "sensitive heart." When left unhealed, these wounds wreak havoc in our adult lives, especially in our intimate relationships. People with "sensitive hearts" grow to doubt themselves, and actually wonder whether they deserve a healthy, balanced relationship. In time, they begin to attract dead-end relationships. With each unsuccessful romance, the "sensitive-hearted" person moves farther and farther from a positive, loving, long-term partnership.

    Psychologist Dr. Debra Mandel, who has worked extensively with "sensitive-hearted" individuals, now offers a unique, eleven-step program to guide you out of the emotional debris of the past, and help you establish happy, healthy, and successful relationships moving forward. This system works, as confirmed by hundreds of Dr. Mandel's satisfied clients.

    Helpful quizzes, true examples of sensitive-hearted people who have turned their lives around, and cutting-edge information combine to make this a must-have relationship builder. There is no need for you—or anyone you know—to stay trapped in unhappy patterns. Healing the Sensitive Heart paves the way to a lifelong love that won't disappear, dissolve, or disappoint—ever again!

    Customer Reviews:

    5 out of 5 stars Good advice........2004-01-24

    This book is an excellent read for those of us who continually make stupid relationship decisions. Why do I let myself fall for the same type of person over and over when I know it will only lead to emotional pain for me? This book tells us so much about the ways of getting into these kinds of patterns, how to recognize them, and then how to move on. Everyone should give this book a try, even if you think you've never had any problems.

    5 out of 5 stars This book combined with ýPsychic Giftsý can change your Life.......2003-12-06

    I really liked this book. I am an avid reader and would recommend adding this book to your must read list. Another book that really impressed me is Psychic Gifts in the Christian Life - Tools to Connect, by Tiffany Snow, pub. 2003. In this time of increasing awareness for the need to help our relationships, workplace, family, self and environment, these two books are at the forefront of giving us the tools to do so - not only by positive reinforcements, but in the case of "Psychic Gifts," showing we have a Divine birthright to access the supernatural in our lives, and how to tap into that. I encourage you to Keep Reading, apply what you learn, and be a force for good in your part of the world.

    4 out of 5 stars This is not just for those with a Sensitive Heart........2003-07-06

    Healing the Sensitive Heart: How to stop getting hurt, build your inner strength, and find the love you deserve by Debra Mandel, Ph.D.

    I thought I would be the worst candidate to get something out of reading this book. I am not one of the sensitive hearted people that Dr. Mandel is referring to, but there are many such people in my life. I may be a magnet for sensitive hearted people. I learned from reading this book that I can help my sensitive hearted friends.

    I have friends and relatives whose sensitive hearts have kept them trapped in a fantasy world. They sell themselves short because they have been "taught" that their own feelings do not matter-they exist to serve the will of their parents or some other childhood character. Dr. Mandel shows a path that sensitive-hearted people can follow to become Thrivers. Thrivers enjoy life and give back to the world more than they take. Thrivers have a balance between serving their own needs and responding to the legitimate needs of others.

    I recommend this book for the happy soul mates and friends of sensitive hearted people. We can benefit when we understand the likely genesis and resolution of behaviors that are so odd to those of us without sensitive hearts. Thank you Dr. Debra.

    5 out of 5 stars Excellent Book!.......2003-07-01

    As a therapist myself, I am on the look-out for books that would be helpful to my clients. "Healing the Sensitive Heart" is an outstanding resource! Written with clarity, compassion, deep respect for people, and belief in their capacity to change and grow, it resonates with authenticity. It provides an excellent analysis of the inner life and behaviours of the "sensitive-hearted", and clear, effective strategies for restoring balance and achieving a healthy relationship with self and others.
    I highly recommend this book!

    5 out of 5 stars Healing the Wounds that Bind Us.......2003-06-28

    So many of us are damaged in childhood, many times carrying around unresolved baggage that keeps us stuck and unable to live our best lives. This delightful and insightful book helps us understand what has molded us into who we are, and then gives us the tools to move towards a more rewarding and fulfilling life. 'Healing the Sensitive Heart' compassionately takes us on a journey of a millions miles by encouraging us not to be afraid of taking the first step.

    Jacqueline Marcell, Author, Elder Rage
    From Love That Hurts to Love That's Real
    Average customer rating: Not rated
      From Love That Hurts to Love That's Real

      Manufacturer: Simon & Schuster (Paper)
      ProductGroup: Book
      Binding: Paperback
      ASIN: 0924721103

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