Book Description
In his extraordinary new book, Terrence Real, distinguished therapist and bestselling author, presents a long overdue message that women need to hear: You aren’t crazy–you’re right!
Women have changed in the last twenty-five years–they have become powerful, independent, self-confident, and happy. Yet many men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached. They don’t know how to respond to frustrated partners who just want their mates to show up and grow up.
Enter the good news: In this revolutionary book, Real shows women how to master the new rules of twenty-first-century marriage by offering them a set of effective tools with which they can create the truly intimate relationship that they desire and deserve. He identifies five non-starters to avoid and shares practical strategies for bringing honesty, passion, and joy back to even the most difficult relationship. Using his experience helping thousands of couples shift from despair to profound emotional closeness, Real guides you through the process of relationship repair with exercises that you can do alone or with your partner. With this program you’ll discover how to
- identify and articulate your wants and needs
- listen well and respond generously
- set limits, and stand up for yourself
- embrace and appreciate what you have
- know when to seek outside help
The New Rules of Marriage will introduce you to a radically new kind of relationship, one based on the idea that every woman has the power to transform her marriage, while men, given the right support, have it in them to rise to the occasion.
We have never wanted so much from our relationships as we do today. More than any other generation, we yearn for our mates to be lifelong friends and lovers. The New Rules of Marriage shows us how to fulfill this courageous and uncompromising new vision.
Customer Reviews:
WOW.......2007-09-27
This book is amazing. Actual steps and language to help couples discuss and work through really important issues. Makes sense to both male and female. Great "case studies" examples of principles in action. Really really like this book.
New Rules an interesting read........2007-09-20
I saw the author on television talking about the book and was intrigued enough to buy it. It was well worth the price.
Terrence Real does a great job of including real-life examples to support his theories of relationship building.
I recommend it highly.
A Must Read, Whether in a Good or Poor or Future Relationship!.......2007-06-18
This is the BEST relationship book that I would recommend people read no matter if you are in a good, solid relationship and want to keep it that way, in a rocky relationship that you'd like to improve, or just thinking about someday being in a relationship. In fact, it is excellent even for those who are not going to be married - just socially interacting with other human beings!! Written by Terrence Real (a family therapist, who also specializes in male depression) this book certainly makes MY FRIENDS MUST READ list. Chapters are divided and activities arranged in such a way that individuals can work thru the book on their own (and see true positive changes in their relationships - with partners or friends) OR you can work thru it as a couple in addition to individual work. Real does makes some inaccurate statements about feminism and the feminist movements in our country, but I guess no book can be perfect and not everyone has background education in Women's Studies. :)
Every Couple's Read.......2007-06-15
If you are serious about your relationship, and both interested in learning your limitations, this is an exceptional resource.
The author describes the difference between men (who retreat into their caves to avoid intimacy and work on problems) and women (who retreat into anger to avoid problems and end up limiting initimacy). Becoming self aware is an essential aspect of operating in the world, if we are willing to be honest about our behaviors we can become more functional.
I also listened to the Audio version of the book and it was much more informative to hear the examples and conversations in this format. Having a tendency to drift when I read such examples, hearing them was better.
The behaviors identified, practices provided, and exercises are well worth the effort. We don't expect ourselves to be trained in our occupations, why is it we expect that we will be perfectly skilled to succeed in relationship? It takes learning, and enough esteem to realize we don't know everything about making it work.
This is a great start to intimate health.
Couple Conflict.......2007-05-09
Understand why marriage is so difficult in today's world, and how to handle conflict with your spouse.
Amazon.com
An unexpected bestseller, this self-help book for women who want to hook a man seems to have struck a chord with desperate American women. Fein and Schneider, whose main credentials seem to be that they are married, lay out the rules to be followed for successfully snagging a dream hunk. And these rules are hard as cast-iron--Rule Five: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls. The idea is to return to pre-feminist mind games, exploiting the male hunting urge by playing hard to get. The result seems unliberating--Rule Seventeen: Let Him Take the Lead--but it seems to be capturing female minds. Rules Girls are eyeing the phone with steely resolve, and Rules seminars are springing up nationwide. Curious bachelors have been observed studying
The Rules, some frowning, others with the supercilious smile of the hunter.
Book Description
An unexpected bestseller, this self-help book for women who want to hook a man seems to have struck a chord with desperate American women. Fein and Schneider, whose main credentials seem to be that they are married, lay out the rules to be followed for successfully snagging a dream hunk. And these rules are hard as cast-iron--Rule Five: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls. The idea is to return to pre-feminist mind games, exploiting the male hunting urge by playing hard to get. The result seems unliberating--Rule Seventeen: Let Him Take the Lead--but it seems to be capturing female minds. Rules Girls are eyeing the phone with steely resolve, and Rules seminars are springing up nationwide. Curious bachelors have been observed studying The Rules, some frowning, others with the supercilious smile of the hunter.
Download Description
You are a creature unlike any other (Rule #1)--that's why you need . . . The Rules. A simple set of dos and don'ts, The Rules will lead you to where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship. Unlike today's haphazard dating customs, The Rules recognizes certain facts of life. That men know what they want. That a man is either attracted to you--or not! That men want a challenge, not an instant or easy victory. When you follow these commonsense guidelines, you treat yourself with respect and dignity--and demand that men do likewise. Although they sound old-fashioned ("Don't see him more than once or twice a week"), they encourage you to lead a full, satisfying, busy life--outside of romance. Although they seem tough ("Don't talk to a man first"), they will teach you how to accept occasional defeat and move on. And although they require discipline ("No more than casual kissing on the first date"), they will bring out the best in you and in the men you date. The goal? Marriage, in the shortest time possible, to a man you love, who loves you even more than you love him.
Customer Reviews:
Followed the rules! Now blissfully MARRIED!!!.......2007-10-10
The Rules is a great book. As a feminist, I want to say that this book works for women who are tired of doing all the work. As a wife, my husband is glad that I followed the rules because he told me that he respected me more than any woman he dated before me.
The men who comment here who are against 'games' are men that we women should avoid! Run fast because this 'man' wants to be lazy, unaccountable, boring and most importantly not thoughtful.
Us women strategize about our education, our careers, and how we take care of our bodies...and that is responsible, but somehow having some guidelines and goals for our romantic lives is considered trite by many of the reviewers. Well let them bumble in the dark. I read The Rules and I worked them and they worked for me!
Hm..........2007-09-18
The most interesting thing about this book is that Ellen Fein DIVORCED after the publication of this book (in 2001, I believe). Shouldn't this be a gigantic red flag for anyone considering buying this trash?
I mean, aside from the fact that neither of them are qualified counselors, nor do they have any sort of professional background.
Of course, I may have a personal hatred for this book, seeing as my own thrice-divorced mother decided that this was an appropriate gift for me... when I was only 12.
"I did accidently get married to Mr Wrong using this book though I must admit.".......2007-09-17
As a man I suggest: be careful.
"Rules" behavior is "very desirable girl" behavior systematized; it's personal branding (i.e., somehwat false) to weed out (mostly) useless players and genuinely low-status males to a lesser extent (girls want to hook the highest-possible status male with "honest," long-term intent; or alternately entrance a reliable shlub and probably cheat on him). "Rules" behavior comes naturally for high-status girls because their lives are filled with people and multiple potential suitors every day, usually for a reason: because they're hot and charming, in that order. Now by the Rules, the man is supposed to intuit and codify the woman's high social status, therefore mentally exalting her as "virgin" rather than "whore," and therefore "a serious mate," which is the only man a decent girl wants, theoretically, making the Rules seem good for women out for long-term mates.
All the times I've been in love have been no-sex situations, I'm sorry to report. This mimics Pleistocine times when two people naturally grow into an item over at least a few sexless years, and everyone occupies the same tribal ground on a daily basis; anybody's status is already basically known by everyone: what they do, how useful and hot they are, and what the cultural ideals exalt. Everybody's status is a little variable, but common knowledge and regularly discussed (indeed, probably the most interesting thing to discuss, especially for women ((hence gossip mags, which fill the need with celebrity simulacrums))).
There's the rub: in Pleistocine times, as a "Rules"-ish girl, you could jabber away with your girlfriends by the girl-fire, maddeningly flirt with other males, not talk to the man for several days, driving him crazy, wait for his approach, and this would come naturally, and you'd very organically "hook" the male, who you've probably known for years, and hey, he's developed genuine love for you, however temporary. In our times, "Rules" behavior wants to convey the image of high status, which would be more organically transmitted in previous epochs. You're trying to artificially engineer, probably over a smaller space of time, how marriage-love happens. And it can work.
But as a man in this society, I don't know you, you don't know me (everybody agrees it's really, really awkward at first), which is the exact opposite of the Pleistocine. I meet you at a bar, I have a tenuous connection to you; you bail on a phone call, I still don't know you. I'm trying to figure you out, of course, so you can exploit this mystique, but your existence is barely definite to me. Your evasion might make me interested, but if I know other sexy girls who are much more definite in my mind, why bother? You potentially exclude the most happening men, who you'd be most interested in marrying, provided they weren't chronic philanderers, and their having an active social life where you're not initially important does not necessarily make them philanderers. Telegraphing your status by the Rules doesn't mean anything if nobody's listening. Men will "listen" to your protracted and indirect conveyance of status to the extent you're uncommonly attractive and charming. If you're a little unattractive, your rouse will possibly hook a desperate shlub, only, and you'll be like the guy who only dated fat girls off of Craig's List: doomed to mediocrity by the dating conditions you observe.
It's not wrong to call this strategy fundamentally just "bluffing;" in a bluff, you imagine the smoothest operator (who you want) not falling for it.
Maybe some mystery propels me at you: but likely how propelled I am is based on how attracted I am to you, how "cool" you seem on what little I know of you, and that requires substantial, if fragmentary, prior knowledge. A very gregarious, great man might barely have an IMPRESSION of who you are, even if he goes on a couple dates with you. Instead he'll find somebody who has already MADE AN IMPRESSION, due to how our society is set-up right now. Not talking, not making dates, ending phone-calls; that's only effective to the degree you've already solidified your hotness/high social status/definiteness as a reliable personality who exists in the man's mind, and "nerd"-y imagination is the best engine to create this image. So the Rules can function like nerd-bait; probably not what you want.
There's your second rub: male pick-up artists make more sense, for men, since women take 80% of status from behavioral and cognitive cues to place them in a big social picture. Men take the majority of your status-idea from your image, how hot you are. This might be an evolutionary freak. I've known conventionally "beautiful" women whose personalities utterly kill my attraction, it's rare but it happens...OVER SEVERAL MONTHS. Men's insanely easy-to-predict superficiality may be based on the fact we don't know any of you yet, but hey, our innate superficiality is five times yours, so we get obsessed with it. Still, in the long-term, ESPECIALLY with marriage, your personality DOES matter, and I don't mean lame evasion-techniques to create temporary mystique and sexual fixation. That only works on the suckers, the losers.
All men would more or less love 100 sexually-attractive girlfriends at once, so if you're too much too fast and too easy, it's easy to imagine a man codifying you as an ideal slut (your behavior indicates in itself other females could be sexual doormats). That's something to keep in mind, but being overly evasive and non-sexual, if you're not exceptionally attractive, is more dangerous for you in our times. Obviously, if your whole package is wonderful, even if you're a little "easy," you gain hand by suggesting you'll leave him. Implementing the Rules in the first months sets up a stupid game where the question is how important you are to him, and the answer is: 1)how hot you are, 2)how willing he is to jump through hoops based on nothing but hot you are (answer: as willing as he is a worthless nerd).
Avoidance when the man barely knows you traffics in partial insanity, since your social coolness is largely irrelevant to men (he knows how hot you are, based on how hot you are, and can accurately imagine how easily you can get laid). In fact, your attachment to other men ("I'm already going out on Saturday with some friends") means virtually nothing to him, because he knows other men desire you, if you're desireable. Overall such smokescreens probably have a negligable effect; when I think of other men going out with girls I've been really into, it creates jealousy (moreso if I know the male), but if I don't know the male, it induces a desire, after a while, to let the girl go. After all I can't compete with a man I can barely imagine. On the other hand, if a man is going out on Saturday, a woman's knowledge that he has other females desiring him is probably more important by a factor of three at least.
So contemporary human sexuality is virtually FUBAR, due to the evolutionarily unprecedented need for a woman to become a real person with high status, in the man's eyes, and also not be so available. A woman who wants a long-term mate should find a balance between creating familiarity and evasiveness. I guess that's what most girls try to do naturally.
Acting like a princess could systematically alienate the really great men. The Rules are probably best for girls who want to marry dorks and cheat on them.
This Book is right on the money.......2007-08-17
I honestly cannot fathom why there is such an outcry about this book. Can someone please explain to me why it's such a terrible thing for a woman to hold a man to high standards.
It was easy to do the rules when I was younger. Men drove to my house (I lived with my parents while I was in college) and I had a curfew. I grew up in a small town so if a man was a player or a bad person, we all knew about him. The village of women in a small town usually stick together.
If you now live in a big metropolis like I do, the men with bad intentions can easily hide in the crowds.
I'm not saying all women act with integrity but neither do all men.
Everytime I do the rules, I attract a man who adores me. Pure and simple.
Let's examine why some of these rules work.
Only returning calls. Women like to talk on the phone for hours, men don't. When you call a man you run the risk of him being in the middle of the game or busy with a hobby. When a man calls you, it's because you're on his mind and he has something to say.
Not meeting a man halfway. Trust me, if a man wants to see a game, a fight, a concert, etc...he will drive a 100 miles if he has to.
Not talking to men first. If a man is interested he will find a way to contact you. There are shy men granted, but if a man is really interested, he'll make it happen.
The man HAS to set the tone of the relationship. You want a man who is delighted to take you down the aisle of marriage, not a man you have to "force" or give an ultimatum to.
You CAN do the rules and be yourself but you have to use some sense of decorum when you first meet someone. You can't let it all hang out. Would you do that on a job interview? I think not.
The Rules help women who are too "nice". Being "nice" doesn't get you married, doing the Rules do.
I'm now single and dating again after breaking off a long term relationship that was not going to end up in marriage. I could have stayed and dated him for the next 20 years but I want marriage. He didn't, I do and we're now broke up, pure and simple. When I meet men now I don't even mention the relationship. If they ask I simply say he went one way and I went the other way and I'd rather not bore you with stories of an ex and I leave it that.
Now the Rules doesn't mean you can look like a slob. I eat right, I workout like a fiend, I have long hair and a healthy body. That's what men like period. I don't dress for women, I dress for men.
I am doing the rules again and ladies it works. It doesn't matter how old you are, they work. I'm now living life to the fullest, I go places where there are single eligible men, I'm really happy and over the bitterness of the breakup and I'm ready to meet my future sweetheart.
It's only a matter of time before he finds me and I'll be doing the Rules to the "T".
The Rules.......2007-08-13
Many thanks for the prompt service. The book arrived in very good condition in New Zealand.
Average customer rating:
- A good qualitative analysis
- Anecdotal (but not funny)
- Infidelity around the World
- EXCELLENT book!
- Unique & humorous perspective on cultural differences
|
Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee
Pamela Druckerman
Manufacturer: Penguin Press HC, The
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ASIN: 1594201145
Release Date: 2007-04-19 |
Book Description
An irreverent and hilarious journey around the world to examine how and why people cheat on their spouses; this global look at infidelity reveals that Americans are uniquely mixed up about being faithful.
It's an adulterous world out there. Russian husbands and wives don't believe that beach-resort flings violate their marital vows. Japanese businessmen, armed with the aphorism "If you pay, it's not cheating," flock to sex clubs where the extramarital services on offer include "getting oral sex without showering first." South Africans may be the masters of creative accounting: Pollsters there had to create separate categories for men who cheat, and men who only cheat while drunk.
In America, however, there is never a free pass when it comes to infidelity. According to our national moral compass, cheating is abominable no matter what the circumstances. But do we actually behave differently than everyone else? Pamela Druckerman, a former foreign correspondent for The Wall Street Journal, decided to delve into this incredibly taboo topic. She interviews people all over the world, from retirees in South Florida to Muslim polygamists in Indonesia; from Hasidic Jews in Brooklyn to the men who keep their mistresses in a "concubine village" outside Hong Kong.
Druckerman talks to psychologists, sex researchers, marriage counselors, and most of all, cheaters and the people they've cheated on, and concludes that Americans are the least adept at having affairs, have the most trouble enjoying them, and suffer the most in their aftermath.
Lust in Translation is a voyeuristic, statistics-packed, sometimes shocking, often hysterical, worldwide glimpse into the endlessly intriguing world of extramarital sex. It may be politically incorrect to say so, but who knew infidelity could be this fascinating?
Customer Reviews:
A good qualitative analysis.......2007-10-17
Despite the lack of quantitative data, Pamela Druckerman is giving an interesting perspective of what adultery is and means over the world. Even though the author's perspectives are a bit culturally biased (she is American), she points rightfully elements of culture, of sociology, of moral, of religion which explain at least what is considered as "cheating" or not.
The limits of this book lie in the fact that it sometimes fall into cultural cliches and a certain ethnocentrism. The author, a former Wall Street Journal journalist based in Paris (France), remains partially prisoner of her own culture.
However, this is a stimulating reading, which opens interesting perspectives for cross-cultural couples, but also our unformulated conceptions of what is a "good couple".
Anecdotal (but not funny).......2007-10-17
Pay attention to that one sentence from the Publishers Weekly: "Druckerman (the author) offers an anecdotal rather than a scholarly exploration of the international etiquette of adultery." What worse, and other reviewers noted that already, that anecdotal treatment is not especially interesting.
Infidelity around the World.......2007-09-01
In March or April, Lust in Translation received a glamorous review in The Economist and sparked my interest. It's an informative book about the cultural aspects of affairs... Pamela Druckerman somehow researches this thorny subject and presents rare insights into cheating in the US, France, Russia, Japan, Indonesia, China and South Africa.
Having had exposure to the cultures in the USA, France and Russia, I did not find the chapters about these three countries surprising. In a way, the book just confirmed what I already knew or suspected. In contrast, what goes on (or doesn't go on) in a Japanese bedroom was completely novel to me.
I would not necessarily recommend this book to an American cheated or cheating spouse. It is neither a self-help guide to appeal to the former nor a manual on how to have affairs to satisfy the latter. Nevertheless, if you are looking for an easy, interesting read and want to be culturally informed about the subject, this book is one of a kind. Just be prepared for your spouse's raised eyebrows and have an answer to the question "Why on Earth are you reading THIS book?"
EXCELLENT book!.......2007-07-24
As an American who lived in Japan for several years, I believe that Ms. Druckerman's observations of the culture surrounding marriage, courtship, and extra-marital affairs in Japan are very accurate. I also enjoyed reading the rest of the book, and found it to be well-researched, well-analyzed, and well-written. This book does not aim to be a self-help book; rather, it is more of a sociological perspective on a universal issue. The book's description of cultural differences and personal perspectives regarding infidelity are fascinating. Overall, the book is interesting and enjoyable to read, and I highly recommend it.
Unique & humorous perspective on cultural differences.......2007-06-30
I decided to buy a copy of "Lust in Translation" by Pamela Druckerman because way back when (mid 1980s), Pamela and I were US House of Representatives pages together. Other than an occasional email contact, I had not directly heard much from Pamela. I had read several of her Wall Street Journal articles over the years.
As someone who thoroughly enjoys reading about other cultures and people, this book fit my occasional non-fiction reading habits. I wasn't looking for anything "heavy" - as in, full of facts, figures, dates, or history. And, I certainly wanted to stay away from anything that seemed academic or dry.
It's fair to say that if you're looking for relatively creative non-fiction spanning several cultures that are not frequently bunched together or compared (including Hasidic Jews, French, and Chinese), you'll find it hard to put down this book.
In my opinion, Druckerman's writing style mirrors what you would expect from a former Wall Street Journal reporter. She mixes interviews, statistics, and commentary in a nearly seamless manner. In a sense, it's a collection of long articles - each relating to a different culture's practices and perspectives relating to infidelity.
There are many funny tidbits (using words you usually don't see in serious non-fiction) about how each culture covered refers to affairs in their language - often using slang terms. I laughed out loud a few times.
To me, the best contribution of the book is comparing the stereotypes regarding infidelity for each culture to how it is currently viewed within the culture. I was left surprised that anyone would share some of the details described in the book - even on an anonymous basis.
My overall conclusion is that this book falls into the category of "Truth is stranger than fiction." The way Druckerman handles this topic, it's possibly more funny than fiction, too.
Average customer rating:
- Inspiring, funny, appropriate and real
- practical, down to earth advice
- Secrets of an Irresistible Woman: Smart Rules for Capturing His Heart
- A NEW WOMAN
- a must read for all women
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Secrets of an Irresistible Woman: Smart Rules for Capturing His Heart
Michelle McKinney Hammond
Manufacturer: Harvest House Publishers
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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ASIN: 1565078438 |
Book Description
Women will discover the rules and scriptural principles about love that ensure solid, godly relationships. Secrets offers practical advice, inspiring prayers, and study questions to help women understand and recognize real love.
Customer Reviews:
Inspiring, funny, appropriate and real.......2007-06-16
I stumbled upon this book and am so glad I did.
The author has an obvious love and passion for Jesus and a desire to tell others about how to be a godly and virtuous woman. Forget "The Rules" - Read and apply the principals outlined in the book and fall in love with the Savior. In a culture that forces one to immediate gratification, this book will inspire and motivate you to pray for your husband to FIND you ("He who finds a wife finds a good thing") while you are pursuing God's plan for your life. In addition to inspiring single women, this book also encourages married women and provides practical advice to becoming an irresistable wife.
The book is easy to read, humorous, points to Jesus, scripturally based and applicable for today. I like the use of scriptural stories which illustrate not only how to be a godly and faith inspired woman, but how the scriptures are truely timeless and relevant. She also starts each chapter with a prayer - beautiful, powerful and authentic prayer - preparing the heart of the reader to greater faith.
practical, down to earth advice.......2007-05-15
I found this to be a very down to earth book with practical advice. I have begun applying some of Michelle's principles and am finding that they really do work. Recently divorced after 28 years of marriage, I was a little unsure of how to approach dating again. I am now in a new relationship. This handy reference has helped my self assurance and I am using my power much more effectively than I ever would have otherwise. Thanks, Michelle!
Secrets of an Irresistible Woman: Smart Rules for Capturing His Heart.......2007-02-17
I think this book is a must have for all single and seeking women. It certainly changed my outlook, and I have since stopped seeking and resolved that Mr. Right will find me.
A NEW WOMAN.......2007-01-05
WOW! This book was so awesome...again, the title would make you think you would become so intriguing and irresistible you'd snag your next mate. NOT SO!
This book helped you to wash away the residue of old hurts and wrong mindsets. To have a heart for the Lord! SO WONDERFUL!
I bought 8 copies of this book for friends and family. It was so life changing I had to share this wealth of knowledge.
a must read for all women.......2006-10-12
I wish that I could have read this book when I was single, because I would have avoided a lot of heartache. This book helped me even as a married woman to make my relationship better. This is the best book I have ever read about relationships. This is her best!
Book Description
Nate Berkus, regular contributor on The Oprah Winfrey Show, contributing editor of O, The Oprah Magazine, and nationally renowned decorator, has created a book inspired by his belief that everyone should love the way they live. This step-by-step guide to achieving your own beautiful rooms is based on Nates signature style and innovative approach to design. As a small boy, Nate could often be found rearranging his room (as well as helping his mother and the other neighborhood mothers rearrange theirs). Throughout the years his passion continued to grow, and soon Nate was heading his own award-winning firm with an elite roster of clients. But it was Oprah Winfrey who gave Nate the chance of a lifetimethe opportunity to go into millions of homes around the world and join her mission to help people live their best lives. It has been a dream come true that has absolutely changed my life, explains Berkus. Not only has working with Oprah helped me redefine my own vision and purposebut she continues to challenge me to use my own life to help others live better. And there is nothing that makes me happier or more grateful than to be a part of that. As Oprah always says, your home should be a reflection of who you truly are. Nate says, no matter how much money you have, he believes that is so very true. I am honored to share my love of design to help everyone make that dream real for themselves with this book.
Customer Reviews:
For those with no Clue!.......2007-10-18
What A great book! I'd seen Nate many times on Oprah and always enjoyed his work, the book starts at the beginning and takes you through every room in your home. With great ideas and things you'd never consider doing it is a great manual for those without a clue how to decorate. I'm about to be married and my wife to be and I will be re-doing our apartment straight after our wedding so this book couldn't come into our lives at a better time. Make Nate's Home rules your house rules! And your home will never look better!
Blah!.......2007-03-08
I was hoping for something a little more informative. Nate doesn't have a dagree in design, and obviously not one in writting a book on it either... Sorry nate. He has good concepts, and knows what should be included in good design. Each room should have history to it, it should tell a story. So pretty much i just summed it up for you in one sentance. now you don't have to buy the book. I am a tough critic tho, because i am an interior design student...
Inspirations for Decorating.......2007-03-07
I wasn't familiar with Berkus from TV, but love decorating books. Here he shows rooms with before and after photos while describing the challenge and his solutions for it. Each chapter has some questions to help you define what you want your room to feel like and how it should function. I liked the little features like tips for arranging art or the Easy Updates (room changes that could be done in an hour or a day).
Here are the chapter headings:
Getting started : inspirations
At home with color
Something for everyone : family rooms
Living large : small spaces
The right recipe : kitchens
Rest and relaxation : bedrooms
The ultimate retreat : bathrooms
Contain yourself : organizing.
I like the pictures!.......2007-02-09
In retrospect, I'm not sure I would have purchased this book. It's full of good ideas and I enjoyed the pictures, but once I was finished reading it....
If you can get a good price on this, go for it. Otherwise you might consider the library.
But all in all, a good book.
Everyone Needs a Little Nate in Their Homes.......2007-01-15
I'm not a decorator. I don't have an eye for colors and what matches and what doesn't. I must admit that every home that I've had, my mother has decorated for me. Nate Berkus and his book have allowed me to grow up and begin to decorate my house on my own. His ideas are so simple, but with an enormous impact. He details every aspect of home decorating to include painting as well as how to decorate mantels, bookshelves, and other places that sometimes aren't considered in home decorating. The pictures are very beautiful and full of color. If you are a fan of Oprah and especially Nate, then this book is a must have.
Book Description
In February of 1995 The Rules was quietly published - and dating has never been the same since! Now here comes The Rules II, the book every Rules Girl has been waiting for, the book you helped write! Drawing on the most commonly asked questions from the thousands of letters and calls to The Rules hotline they received, authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider show you how to do The Rules in even the most difficult - and tempting! - situations. Here are new Rules tips for weeding out Mr. Wrong - and sorting out your own feelings; recognizing when a relationship is really a fantasy; dating a man who is separated; talking to your therapist - yes, in some cases, you can tell your therapist you're doing The Rules; dating a high-profile man or a celebrity; dating when you yourself are very wealthy/successful/famous; giving him gifts; getting him to the altar; and much more, including how The Rules apply to same-sex relationships, older women, on-line dating, long-distance relationships, getting back an ex, having office romances. How does a Rules Girl handle a long-distance relationship? An office romance? A weekend invitation from a high-profile man or celebrity? How do The Rules apply to on-line dating and personal ads? Are The Rules different for mature women? Can The Rules benefit people in same-sex relationships? Friendships? Family relationships? Can a Rules Girl date her best buddy if she's attracted to him - rekindle the flame with an ex? The Rules II answers these questions and more! The sequel to the #1 coast-to-coast bestseller that revolutionized modern dating, it was written in response to the thousands of letters and telephone calls authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneiderreceived from readers doing The Rules. Packed with expanded, more detailed do's and don'ts; encouraging, stick-to-it advice; scores of new tips; and success stories from women like you; it's your latest guide to the way of life that leads to self-respect, self-esteem, and, mo
Customer Reviews:
It works........2007-06-27
As outdated as this book seems and as many years as it seems to put womenkind behind...these things work.
Learn to play the game.......2007-04-26
Life truly is a game. We should stop pretending it isn't. If you don't know the RULES then your going lose.
If I were reading these reviews, I wouldn't listen to any man on what he thinks about this book. This book was designed by and intended for women. I think it's a little strange a man would even comment.
I used the rules and I am now happy married. He proposed withing 5 months. I am still doing a modified version of the rules and it helps me not diminish my worth. Mom didn't tell me the rules because she didn't know them. Thankfully this book enlightened me on some mistakes I was making and I am better off because of it.
P.S. I am buying this book for the second time because I loaned it out so many times I can't find it. I am going to give the new copy to my daughter as one of her gift when she turns 16 later this year.
Everyone thinks "how did she get so lucky?".......2007-01-04
No one is more surprised than me that I married the most amazing guy...and I owe it to these books.
IF NOT USEFUL THEN ENTERTAINING.......2006-10-24
I'VE READ ALL OF THE RULES BOOKS. IT IS A PAGE TURNER IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN TOPICS OF THE SORT. I FOUND THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE TRUE CONFIDENCE AND GREAT WILL POWER IN ORDER TO FOLLOW THE RULES SUCCESSFULLY. I AM NOT A RULES FOLLOWER EVEN 75% OF THE TIME BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT THE BOOKS ARE A GREAT READ!
Ummm, you find what you seek.. but what do you seek?.......2006-03-25
I chuckled slightly when speed reading through this book.. back to junior-high school mind games are we?
I seriously doubt grown-up, in-demand, successful, quality men who by their qualities can attract the attention of women in general will respond well to the kind of behavior expounded by these books.
Sure you may increase the perception of value in yourself OR be dumped for an alternate in the process for seeming unresponsive.. hey you get what you deserve when playing games.
What kind of guys would fall for and put up with this sort of behavior anyway.. so what kind of men are you hooking with this type of strategy.. and you are putting mental torture onto those sorry saps whom are not quality enough to escape the spider's web. Both sad and pathetic.
Gave it two stars since there is SOME good info in there in between the trashy gamey material.
Customer Reviews:
A very practical book indeed........2007-10-18
Easy to follow and to understand. Straight to the point no-nonsense instructions on how to catch yourself a good mate. Totally agreed with Logitechgirl that it will also attracts bad 'fishes' as well as the good ones. And also depending on your geographical location, The Rules may attracts more 'anchovies' than 'salmons'. So, be cautious on applying The Rules.
A Good Defense.......2007-08-19
Recommended reading for guys who don't want to be manipulated by this sort of behavior.
Glad I read this book.......2007-03-21
Glad I read this. I think most men know that most women do this stuff unconsciously. The authors seem to brand all men the same suggesting that these manouvers are guaranteed to work, while not taking into account the men out there who have high standards and high character. Men have a lot more power in attracting women... (hot chick with ugly guy, but never the opposite). Women have looks, hence the need to use this book.
Reading Material.......2007-02-20
This is a book for those of you who don't remember the rules or just want one book for everything. I love it and even bought some for friends of mine and they also love the book.
I am a feminist and I love this book.......2007-02-08
I am a feminist and I love this book. I have read it several times and flipped through it about 100 times. To me this book is more about SELF RESPECT than anything else. Living your life, keeping active, doing good work, helping a cause, etc. are things this book actually encourages. The book puts men in the proper persepctive: they are wonderful additions to our lives, NOT OUR REASON FOR LIVING!
Every woman that I have talked to about this book ends up agreeing with most of it. I too was skeptical about it...until I read it. It's the things your Mother told you...that you didn't want to hear at the time. And after going through one failed "relationship" after another finally decided that maybe Mom was right. Since reading this book I have had no problem securing the kind of relationship that is healthy for me. And for my male friend.
Men that are critical about the book are basically angry that it teaches women self respect and puts a roadblock in their way of getting a woman in bed as fast as possible. I have talked about this book with my male friends and they too agreed with alot of it, and the only one that disagreed has the reputation of being a "playa" amoungst my circle of friends. That alone speaks volumes.
The book is one of the most important books written about dating in the last 10 years and imo is still very relevant. And until the day that MEN decide to change and liberate themselves, it will remain so.
Customer Reviews:
Very Insightful Reading.......2007-06-13
I purchased this book because of another family member (not immediate) experiencing serious issues with her parents, as well as a close friend of mine trying to break free from a very emotionally dependent parent. The book clearly spells out the kinds of problems children endure because of emotionally dependent parents and gives great advice on how to break and stay free. It is very insighful reading because it is written by someone who has been there and lived that. I highly reccomend it.
Invaluable.......2006-08-30
Everyone should read this book. There is so much information in it about how healthy families behave that it would be useful even for those who have not been subject to an extremely close relationship with a parent.
Don't be put off by the title. "Emotional Incest" sounds strong and you might be tempted to believe that it doesn't apply to you. Read the back cover and decide for yourself.
Good Insights - Not enopugh practical advice.......2005-08-21
Good insights into the nature of emotional incest. Well written. Definitely worth a read, but falls short on advice as to WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.
The right level of detail and advice.......2005-07-21
I found this book to be a good compromise between scientific explanation and practical advice. I would buy it again.
Emotional and REAL!.......2004-11-29
This book is an important addition to the collection of books out there that exist on sexual abuse. Even moreso are the examples of how a mother can be sexually abusive in covert ways unlike fathers who tend to manifest their abuse overtly. This book along with Ken Adam's book, Silently Seduced, are the bible of Covert Incest.
It is easy to say covert incest does not exist since it is subtle, indirect and is about what you don't see, but the victims of this all feel it and it is very real!
Amazon.com
"Authentic love thrives on honesty and shimmers with truth ... [it] flexes and bends with the fluctuating needs and changes of each partner." Whether you're looking for a relationship or seeking to improve the one you're in, If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules packs a wallop. Author Cherie Carter-Scott has figured out what makes relationships work--and fail--and she doles out insightful advice. Carter-Scott follows the same format as her successful If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules; she presents the 10 rules and expands each in its own chapter, with plenty of anecdotes to clarify how these rules play out. The 10 rules may seem obvious at first glance (e.g., "Negotiation will be required" and "Your relationship will be challenged by change"), but Carter-Scott keeps scoping out deeper and deeper levels and teaching practical exercises for using the information. For example, rule 3 is "Creating Love Is a Process." Sure, we know that. But she describes each step of the process--1, connection; 2, exploration; 3, evaluation; 4, building intimacy; 5, commitment--and presents an array of strategies for making the most of each one. Following Carter-Scott's rules can't help but improve your relationship--or the likelihood of finding the right one! --Joan Price
Book Description
Do you wish you knew the rules for the game of love?
In her #1 New York Times bestseller
If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules, Chérie Carter-Scott gave us ten rules for conquering life's challenges and managing its unpredictable ups and downs. Now, in
If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules, she presents ten simple rules to help us find true love and create long-lasting, authentic relationships.
After twenty-five years of conducting workshops and seminars, Chérie has discovered that the most important--and often the most difficult--part of the human experience is partnership. Everyone is either looking for love or trying to find a way to sustain and feed the love that they already have. Chérie's ten rules are universal truths that we inherently know but often lose sight of in the confusing game of romance--rules as simple as "You Must Love Yourself First," "Communication Is Essential," and "You Must Nurture the Relationship for It to Thrive." Once understood and embraced, her rules help us learn more about our true selves and our needs--and make us better able to meet the needs of others.
As the ten rules show, building and sustaining authentic love is a delicate process that requires negotiation and communication, and while love is often challenged by change, it provides a variety of opportunities for us to grow as individuals. In her inimitably warm and inviting style, Chérie shares her own insights into love's journey, from building intimacy and taking the risk of commitment to rekindling the faded flame by bringing back the "sizzle factor." Her inspirational stories, coupled with practical exercises--such as creating a criteria list for a potential mate or making an outline for a formal relationship "check-in"--will bring out the authentic lover in each of us. Fresh and inspiring,
If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules is a perfect guide to living a real-life "happily ever after".
Customer Reviews:
Absolutely Awsome Must Read Book!!!!!!!.......2007-03-29
I absolutely LOVE this book!!! It is so helpful and insightful!!! It helps you get everything into perspective and teaches you not only how to love another but how to love yourself as well! I recommend this book to anyone and everyone! I have already told so many people about it!!!
To love and be loved.......2006-11-14
This book has been a wake-up call for me. It helped me understand myself and my partner in life. It has taught me how to develop and maintain a lasting authentic relationship.
Great book! Not boring at all..........2005-11-23
(Sorry, English is not my mother-tongue.)
This is a great relationship-book! You won't find boring advice that you need to be supportive to your partner, you need to cherish him / her as often you could... but straightly to the point, Cherie will tell you that you need to differentiate being supportive and controlling... etc.
Those things commonly happened in our relationships, and it's nice to have someone reminded us to be a better person for our beloved one. Worth to collect. Recommended for you who're still single, also for married couple.
I'm finished reading this book, but I still use this book as reference, when I feel my relationship start getting trouble. And however, it helps!
If Love is a Game here are the Rules.......2004-08-11
This was a really good book. It gave me a lot of good insight on what to look for in a spouce. It also taught me some things about myself. I recommend this book to anyone who seem to be finding love in all the wrong places.
MEN TAKE NOTE.......2001-11-21
As a man, I am critical of some of the self-help books written by women. Invariably, I find elements that either misrepresent men's attitudes or totally ignore them. "If Love Is A Game, These Are The Rules," is a wonderful exception. Every man interested in learning how to find and maintain a long-lasting relationship should read this book. More importantly, it should be read, reread and discussed by both partners, as often as questions or issues arise in the relationship. Cherie Carter Scott doesn't mince words; examples are short and to the point; each chapter covers a major rule so it is easy to follow and return to for a refresher. Too many of us, men and women, have been too ignorant, too disinterested, too willing to enter relationships based upon the wrong assumptions and expectations. This book lights the path towards establishing relationships that can grow and withstand the changes time will inevitably bring. Good luck...
Average customer rating:
- Compassionate, informative, useful
- Great book: For you who think you don't have issues as well as you who think you do
- New rules and guidlines
- Great Book for Co-Dependents
- Really helpful book!
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The Intimacy Factor: The Ground Rules for Overcoming the Obstacles to Truth, Respect, and Lasting Love
Pia Mellody , and
Lawrence S. Freundlich
Manufacturer: HarperOne
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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ASIN: 0060095806
Release Date: 2004-05-25 |
Book Description
In her first book in over 10 years, Pia Mellody – author of the groundbreaking bestsellers Facing Codependence and Facing Love Addiction – shares her profound wisdom on what it takes to sustain true intimacy and trusting love in our most vital relationships.
Drawing on more than 20 years' experience as a counsellor at the renowned Meadows Treatment Centre in Arizona, Mellody now shares what she has learned about why intimate relationships falter – and what makes them work. Using the most up–to–date research and real–life examples, including her own compelling personal journey, Mellody provides readers with profoundly insightful and practical ground rules for relationships that achieve and maintain joyous intimacy.
This invaluable resource helps diagnose the causes of faulty relationships – many of them rooted in childhood – and provides tools for readers to heal themselves, enabling them to establish and maintain healthy relationships.
Customer Reviews:
Compassionate, informative, useful.......2007-08-29
Excellent book for both layman and professionals for overcoming a dysfunctional childhood. Compassionately written narrative of origins of the inability to form healthy relationships. Complete with examples of how to work through the constraints to extending and experiencing respect, love, compassion, and intimacy.
Great book: For you who think you don't have issues as well as you who think you do.......2007-07-30
This is the book I'd want everybody to read and that I think everybody can learn from to become a happier, healthier partner. No matter whether you think you are already perfectly healthy and functional or not, this book will brush up your already good relational skills at worst or set you on the road to becoming a functional partner at best.
The key to being intimate as much as possible is to understand that love is a continuum ranging from very warm regard to something as theoretically simple as respect. Pia says that holding on to the other person's inherent worth even in difficult situations, being respectful towards them (as well as yourself of course) is what enables you to be intimate even if you disagree or have been hurt by your partner.
How do you achieve this? Pia gives you tools to show love and respect towards yourself and your partner: boundaries for the physical as well as the intellectual/emotional. Just learning about the speaking and listening boundaries would have made the book worthwhile for me. Do you know how to speak and listen in a functional manner? I'd postulate that most of us tend to be busy formulating a response/defense when listening to our partner in an argument. And conversely when we are the one speaking we will attempt to at least indirectly and covertly manipulate our partner so that he or she agrees with us. I didn't even know that there was an option to this behavior. I didn't know that it could and should be done differently. I honestly thought that my partner and I were supposed to compromise on any issue and that if we didn't or couldn't one of us was wrong and by implication bad. Oh boy, have I learned differently! And I am so glad I did, too.
There would have been two problems with the book for me:
Number 1 is right at the beginning. In the introduction Pia talks very emphatically about her relationship to the christian god and again does so in chapter 1. If that bothers you try to ignore it and go on reading because then she lets off.
Number 2 is the fact that I believe if I hadn't had additional instruction on Pia's ideas through individual therapy and workshops on boundaries I would not have learned to apply her ideas to my own life. I don't think it's the book's fault but my own. Even before reading this book I knew a lot about myself, my issues, my issues in interaction with other people but it seemed to me that the information was in bits and pieces in different `rooms' in my head and I just couldn't fit it together into a coherent picture. Only through the additional instruction in therapy, the workshops and in many talks with my closest girl-friend (who has also read the books and gone to the workshops etc.) did I begin to get an understanding of boundaries, the issues of my codependence and my problem with shame. So keep in mind that you may want to read this book with a friend and discuss it to help you understand it better.
New rules and guidlines.......2007-03-12
I've read other books on co dependency and this one has a unique approach that was developed in The Meadows in Wickenburg, Ariz. I think it is an excellent approach to communication skills and ways of relating that are less toxic and worth reading and trying. I will recommend it to my clients - so many of whom suffer from this condition. Deb
Great Book for Co-Dependents.......2003-12-18
I've read all of Pia's books. They are all great, especially the first one (Facing CoDependence) and this one. The first book explains the symptums and the mechanics of how and why. This book drills into details of the key concepts from the first book. It touches the how and why briefly, but focuses on the real life examples of dysfunctional behaviors and contrasting it to functional behaviors. This book really manifests the concepts in the first book into practices and guidelines.
This book turns out to be a great handbook even for parenting skills.
I also attended a few CoDA meetings. Those meetings are good, but Pia's books helped me much more.
I highly recommend Pia's books, I also recommend reading them in the order of published dates.
Really helpful book!.......2003-10-11
This book explains how we develop insecurities and feelings of inferiority that makes us develop codependent relationships. The author uses many examples from her own experiences as well as those of many other people to vividly illustrate the connections between our past life experiences, our present insecurities and inferiorities, and how we feel and behave in our present relationships. It is an excellent book that allows us to open our eyes and see inside ourselves! I would recommend it to anyone who feels like their life (not just their relationships) can be happier than what it is now. Another more comprehensive book that allows us to apply these messages to a wider variety of things is "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is absolutely one of the best in the business! Sato's book makes it so easy to understand our development, our personality, and our relationships. I would highly recommend both of these books!
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- Thicker Than Water (Heartland #8)
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